Fantasy love is much better than reality love. Never doing it is very exciting. The most exciting attractions are between two opposites that never meet. - Andy Warhol

Valya - 121410

Trying a blog style similar to Valya's.  Keep it simple, relevant, and leaving them wanting more. 

Sex, Religion, and "American Values" - in their words

Candace - 081010

Interesting quotes on sex, religion and "American" values.
 

Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:  One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.  The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.  ~Butch Hancock

To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals.  ~Don Schrader

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope?  If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!  ~George Bernard Shaw


I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.  ~John Waters


Sudden acquaintance brings repentance.  ~Thomas Fuller

Conservatives say teaching sex education in the public schools will promote promiscuity.  With our education system?  If we promote promiscuity the same way we promote math or science, they've got nothing to worry about.  ~Beverly Mickins

Chastity:  The most unnatural of the sexual perversions.   ~Aldous Huxley, Eyeless in Gaza, 1936


The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.   ~Author Unknown


Virginity can be lost by a thought.   ~St. Jerome

The reproduction of mankind is a great marvel and mystery.  Had God consulted me in the matter, I should have advised him to continue the generation of the species by fashioning them out of clay.  ~Martin Luther

Those who have prophesied dreadful consequences as a result of the greater sexual freedom which the young assert - unwanted babies, venereal disease and so on - are usually the very same people who seek the fulfillment of their prophecies by opposing the free availability to the young of contraception and the removal of the stigma and mystification that surround venereal disease .  ~Colin Ward, Anarchy in Action


When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned.  Do not have sex with the authorities.  ~Matt Groening

Now, if groups like Moral Majority have their way, there won't be any sex education at school, and our kids will be the dumbest in the world when it comes to sex.... But our parents are sexually retarded too.... Fear and primitive morals are creating a sexual pressure-cooker in this country and soon the top will blow.... Only in the U.S. do we find children drawing a picture of a baby coming from the clouds or from under a cabbage leaf.  ~Floyd Martinson

This last quote says it all about how messed up our country is with body/nudity/sexuality issues in relation to religion and "American" values.  As Marlene Dietrich said:

Sex. In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact.

Boredom and lust

Valya - 080710

Boredom: the desire for desires - Tolstoy

Ever notice how similar the body feels when overwhelmingly bored or full of lust?  You can feel both burning through your body and hear the crackle of electricity in your head.  The tingling static charge desiring to do something, whether a new adventure or sex consumes all you think about.  All you know while existing in either states is that something had better happen... now.  True hell is living in both simultaneously.

Lust is the craving for salt of a man who is dying of thirst - Frederick Buechner

Of all the worldly passions, lust is the most intense. All other worldly passions seem to follow in its train. - Buddha

Different than what we learned in P.E.

Moon - 071710

Please watch the video.  We never learned to dance or do gymnastics like this.  I am going to need to take a cold shower.

Porn and Drugs

Classic Modern Leila

Dr. L over at What We Saw Today wrote about pornography again.  She discusses how the vague boundaries of porn makes it so hard to discuss and define.  All of this makes me think porn and drugs are related, but not in the way you may think.

I've written about pornography a bit too.  I've stated that I believe porn can be art, but not all porn is art.  I've made what most would consider porn.  I've viewed porn.  I am not going to define the boundaries between art, porn and erotica since all three can blend a bit for me.  While the content of the pornography varies and can be defended or blamed, I am not writing about content now.  I want to focus on porn usage.  My belief about porn usage is similar to that of drugs.  Neither are good or bad, it is the intention of the use that is "good" or "bad."

Along the way to getting my psychology degree I had to take both Use and Abuse of Drugs and Human Sexuality.  Both were great classes.  Both came with warnings and caveats.  Both courses were held in the largest auditorium on campus, seating 499 people.  Both classes were full. 

Follow the Arc

In the sex class, we were told on the first day that we could not bring friends, family or any other guest to the class unless they were registered.  The professors (one a behavioral biologist covering the physiology of sex, the other a social anthropologist, covering the cultural, historic, and other contextual aspects of sexuality) told us that we would become used to talking about sex openly and seeing explicit imagery in the class.  If we brought anybody from the outside, they would not  be "desensitized" to the this content and may become distressed.  What a titillating hook!  That made me want to attend class even more.  It was a great class where I learned more about human sexuality than the rest of life could teach me.  We always joked that the lectures were good, but the labs were the best!

The drugs course was a tough class.  We had to learn about the different classifications, uses, and outcomes of using drugs.  Twenty-one years later, I think I've forgotten most of that stuff, which is funny since I work for a drug company.  The main lesson I learned was something the professor stated on the first overhead transparency (pre-Power Point days).

Drugs are neither good or bad, it is how we use them that are good or bad.

The Blessed Ludivica Albertoni 1 - Classic Porn?

All pharmaceutical companies have to monitor the safety of their products.  Every drug has side effects and issues.  By tracking each adverse event and determining the risk/benefit of the product in a process called pharmacovigilance, we strive to give the patients and their health care providers the best information to make needed decisions.

Risk/benefit is a very gray area.    Here is a fictional, but common scenario, I have cancer that will kill me in 5 months.  If I take drug X, it has shown to increase survival rates by up to three years.  The major side effects are nausea and joint pain.  There is a toxicity issue that if taken more than five years, the drug will cause serious and permanent kidney and liver damage that is probably fatal.  Those are pretty bad risks, but the probability that I would live past five years is almost nil making the kidney and liver damage issue moot.  As for the nausea and joint pain, I have to decide if the quality of life issues caused by those side effects are worth it to live another few years.   The risk/benefit equation tips toward benefit.

The Blessed Ludivica Albertoni 2 - Detail

Now lets take the same scenario, but make the disease psoriasis.  Psoriasis is a severe disease, but not fatal.  The risk/benefit equation tips toward risk and the drug should not be given.

If we look at risk/benefit for illegal drugs or drugs that can be used for illegal purposes, it gets complicated.  Marijuana has both risks and benefits.  For cancer and AIDS patients, it can help them survive and lessen the symptoms.  For the pot smokers just wanting a great afternoon of watching Threes Company and toking a bowl, the equation is different.  When we look at E, ruffies, heroin, cocaine, crack, vicodin, huffing glue, meth, the risk/benefit equation heavily tilts toward risk.


Good/Bad, Risk/Benefit as related to porn usage.

In Dr. L's post, she mentions that serial killer Ted Bundy blamed porn as the cause of his crimes.  Whether his statement is true and how true it is, his usage suggests a bad use for porn.  I doubt that porn made him do it, but I can't rule out that it had an influence.  With his case, my assessment is bad use, heavy risk.

Many men in committed relationships view porn.  For some it is just a quick tension release and doesn't affect relations with their partners and family.  It is similar to enjoying a beer after a day's work and relaxing.  In that case I would assess it as good use, good benefits.

Stirred 2 (still baffled why you would need wifi at a brothel)

Many men in committed relationships view porn for hours, masturbating with it daily or even more frequently.  They would rather do that than have sex with their significant others.  There could be many reasons they are not seeking their partner (partner is not interested or is unable to have sex, emotional issues, etc.).  If this use of porn is leading to problems and addictions, I assess it as bad use, risky.

Those are enough scenarios, you can look at how it can help couples explore and have more fun or how it leads people into riskier activities in search of the next hot stimulating thing.  All of them are on that good/bad, risk/benefit scale.

So, which is it for you?  Do you abstain from using it?  Are you a recovering addict?  Are you a recreational user?  Do you use it to improve a healthy sex life?


Side not that is barely related to the topic.
My city of 135K+ souls has only two bookstores, both "adult" and neither really have any books in them.  We have Pier One Imports, Best Buy, Home Depot, Petco, Costco, Target, Walmart, Olive Garden, and sales lots for every major car manufacturer, except Ford.  Makes me wonder what our community really thinks is important to consume.  Literature is not on the list.

Generation Scold*

Candace - 050210 - desat

My body is a stiff wreck after helping a friend and her partner move ten blocks in SF yesterday.  So much for the yard work I will need to do.  I may be lucky to get a few flowers planted though.

During my Sunday morning ritual at a coffee shop, I did some reading at Slate titled Bring Back Boobquake by Hanna Rosin and the backlash against it by some feminists.  That article linked to another titled Generation Scold* by Jessica Grose  In it, the author presented the notion that the generation known as the "millennials" heap scorn upon those who are bit too sexually promiscuous for their tastes.  This open scorn of anyone is a shift in gender definition that may help equalize the perceptions of sex, but also take the adventure out of it.

Candace - 050210 - BW

In many cultures, the man who gets the most girls is seen as a stud by his peers and playboy, at worst, by everyone else.  Hooking up with as many women was lauded as a alpha male virtue.  The opposite was true about the perception of women.  If a woman had many sexual partners, she was a "slut" or worse.  Being sexually promiscious held negative attributes for women.  This was the big double standard of sexuality, men became heroes, women became tramps.  

With the maturing of the millenials, this is changing.  Both the male and female with multiple partners are seen as sluts and are looked down upon as part of the hyper-sexuality running through our culture.  As the story states, this generation grew up and were disgusted by the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal as well as other influences that formed these beliefs.  This shift may lead the end of the double standard, but at what cost?

This makes me wonder if the taboo of sexuality and openness of enjoying the sensual gifts we have is going to shrivel.  Will both genders suffer for this?  I do not hold anyone who is sexually open up higher or down lower in my perception of them.  They are who they are.  I may judge how they treat the people they are with and admonish them for hurting people with sex, but just having multiple lovers is not a plus or minus for me.  My hope is that they are happy with who they are, what they are doing and are careful.

Photo note - experimentation with a close up crop of big image of Candace.  I like her eyes in these and I like how she looks like she is laying down in the cropped versions.  The original is below.

Candace 050210