A moment of solitude

Valya - 092910

Sometimes we all need to be alone.   We shut out all the unneeded and only focus on ourselves.  For some, it is a stress relief.  For others, it is a way to cleanse our mind, body and spirit and celebrate a unique and personal gift.  

Boredom and lust

Valya - 080710

Boredom: the desire for desires - Tolstoy

Ever notice how similar the body feels when overwhelmingly bored or full of lust?  You can feel both burning through your body and hear the crackle of electricity in your head.  The tingling static charge desiring to do something, whether a new adventure or sex consumes all you think about.  All you know while existing in either states is that something had better happen... now.  True hell is living in both simultaneously.

Lust is the craving for salt of a man who is dying of thirst - Frederick Buechner

Of all the worldly passions, lust is the most intense. All other worldly passions seem to follow in its train. - Buddha

Just because

Valya - 072410-1

Not much to say.  A good photo or two of Valya is worth much more than my words that I could share today.  I am so pleased with my work with her.  I am starting to work on the dark and dangerous photos I created with Valya and Moon. 
  

Valya - 072410-2

Valya - 072410-3

Different than what we learned in P.E.

Moon - 071710

Please watch the video.  We never learned to dance or do gymnastics like this.  I am going to need to take a cold shower.

Porn and Drugs

Classic Modern Leila

Dr. L over at What We Saw Today wrote about pornography again.  She discusses how the vague boundaries of porn makes it so hard to discuss and define.  All of this makes me think porn and drugs are related, but not in the way you may think.

I've written about pornography a bit too.  I've stated that I believe porn can be art, but not all porn is art.  I've made what most would consider porn.  I've viewed porn.  I am not going to define the boundaries between art, porn and erotica since all three can blend a bit for me.  While the content of the pornography varies and can be defended or blamed, I am not writing about content now.  I want to focus on porn usage.  My belief about porn usage is similar to that of drugs.  Neither are good or bad, it is the intention of the use that is "good" or "bad."

Along the way to getting my psychology degree I had to take both Use and Abuse of Drugs and Human Sexuality.  Both were great classes.  Both came with warnings and caveats.  Both courses were held in the largest auditorium on campus, seating 499 people.  Both classes were full. 

Follow the Arc

In the sex class, we were told on the first day that we could not bring friends, family or any other guest to the class unless they were registered.  The professors (one a behavioral biologist covering the physiology of sex, the other a social anthropologist, covering the cultural, historic, and other contextual aspects of sexuality) told us that we would become used to talking about sex openly and seeing explicit imagery in the class.  If we brought anybody from the outside, they would not  be "desensitized" to the this content and may become distressed.  What a titillating hook!  That made me want to attend class even more.  It was a great class where I learned more about human sexuality than the rest of life could teach me.  We always joked that the lectures were good, but the labs were the best!

The drugs course was a tough class.  We had to learn about the different classifications, uses, and outcomes of using drugs.  Twenty-one years later, I think I've forgotten most of that stuff, which is funny since I work for a drug company.  The main lesson I learned was something the professor stated on the first overhead transparency (pre-Power Point days).

Drugs are neither good or bad, it is how we use them that are good or bad.

The Blessed Ludivica Albertoni 1 - Classic Porn?

All pharmaceutical companies have to monitor the safety of their products.  Every drug has side effects and issues.  By tracking each adverse event and determining the risk/benefit of the product in a process called pharmacovigilance, we strive to give the patients and their health care providers the best information to make needed decisions.

Risk/benefit is a very gray area.    Here is a fictional, but common scenario, I have cancer that will kill me in 5 months.  If I take drug X, it has shown to increase survival rates by up to three years.  The major side effects are nausea and joint pain.  There is a toxicity issue that if taken more than five years, the drug will cause serious and permanent kidney and liver damage that is probably fatal.  Those are pretty bad risks, but the probability that I would live past five years is almost nil making the kidney and liver damage issue moot.  As for the nausea and joint pain, I have to decide if the quality of life issues caused by those side effects are worth it to live another few years.   The risk/benefit equation tips toward benefit.

The Blessed Ludivica Albertoni 2 - Detail

Now lets take the same scenario, but make the disease psoriasis.  Psoriasis is a severe disease, but not fatal.  The risk/benefit equation tips toward risk and the drug should not be given.

If we look at risk/benefit for illegal drugs or drugs that can be used for illegal purposes, it gets complicated.  Marijuana has both risks and benefits.  For cancer and AIDS patients, it can help them survive and lessen the symptoms.  For the pot smokers just wanting a great afternoon of watching Threes Company and toking a bowl, the equation is different.  When we look at E, ruffies, heroin, cocaine, crack, vicodin, huffing glue, meth, the risk/benefit equation heavily tilts toward risk.


Good/Bad, Risk/Benefit as related to porn usage.

In Dr. L's post, she mentions that serial killer Ted Bundy blamed porn as the cause of his crimes.  Whether his statement is true and how true it is, his usage suggests a bad use for porn.  I doubt that porn made him do it, but I can't rule out that it had an influence.  With his case, my assessment is bad use, heavy risk.

Many men in committed relationships view porn.  For some it is just a quick tension release and doesn't affect relations with their partners and family.  It is similar to enjoying a beer after a day's work and relaxing.  In that case I would assess it as good use, good benefits.

Stirred 2 (still baffled why you would need wifi at a brothel)

Many men in committed relationships view porn for hours, masturbating with it daily or even more frequently.  They would rather do that than have sex with their significant others.  There could be many reasons they are not seeking their partner (partner is not interested or is unable to have sex, emotional issues, etc.).  If this use of porn is leading to problems and addictions, I assess it as bad use, risky.

Those are enough scenarios, you can look at how it can help couples explore and have more fun or how it leads people into riskier activities in search of the next hot stimulating thing.  All of them are on that good/bad, risk/benefit scale.

So, which is it for you?  Do you abstain from using it?  Are you a recovering addict?  Are you a recreational user?  Do you use it to improve a healthy sex life?


Side not that is barely related to the topic.
My city of 135K+ souls has only two bookstores, both "adult" and neither really have any books in them.  We have Pier One Imports, Best Buy, Home Depot, Petco, Costco, Target, Walmart, Olive Garden, and sales lots for every major car manufacturer, except Ford.  Makes me wonder what our community really thinks is important to consume.  Literature is not on the list.

Ciao Bella Roma

Women in Advertisements 2

I missed posting yesterday due to work. After a full day of meetings, we went on a bus tour of the city and then dinner and bar hopping. I got to bed at 2:30 and had to get up at 7am for meetings. Yesterday was a bust for exploring and seeing things on my own.

Generations of the Fiat 500

Today was a new day. After my morning meetings, I slept off my night of multiple over indulgences and headed out to the Trastevere area. It is across the Tiber river and is not the posh, idyllic beauty of the Centro Storico. It is grittier, dirtier, and has graffiti on the walls. It has tight, dark walkways that spill out into beautiful small plazas. The people are not the wealthy, but they have a bohemian grit that drives the pulse of the area. I found many small art galleries, book stores and great little eateries. All of this was accompanied by the soft tap, tap, tap percussion of the rain on my umbrella. At times I felt like my umbrella became a permanent attachment to my body.

Feels Like Telegraph in Berkeley, but With Fur

My goal for this neighborhood was to get a feel for that lifestyle and also to see a recommended Bernini sculpture called The Blessed Ludovica Albertoni (1674) in the Chiesa Di San Francesco a Rippa I had heard that it could compete in sensuality with The Ecstacy of St. Teresa that I saw a few days ago. For me, it does.

The Ecstasy of St. Teresa on a Rainy Day

When I saw The Ecstacy, I thought I was watching a romantic sensual climax. Ludovica Albertoni made me feel like I was peeking into her room as she was having a beautiful private moment. It was quiet, dark, and full of mood. My photos' quality is crap, but I hope you can see some of the erotic detail from them. I also found a photo by Susan Sanders that is much better.

Too Grainy, Too Shaky, but it Wasn't Her Fault

The Blessed Ludovica Albertoni
Susan Sanders

After doing a little research, I found out the history of Ludovica Albertoni. Here is a brief excerpt from Wikipedia.

She is also known as Louisa Albertoni; Ludovica Albertoni Cetera. She was born to a wealthy and prominent family, and married to Giacomo de Citara. She was the mother of three, but was widowed in 1506. As a Franciscan tertiary, she spent her fortune and ruined her health in caring for the poor. She was renowned for her religious ecstasies, and became known as a miracle worker, and, according to accounts, had the gift of levitation.

Ludovica is best known for the famous sculpture by Gian Lorenzo Bernini housed in the church of San Francesco a Ripa in Rome. The recumbent statue captures Blessed Ludovica in her death throes, portraying her as suffering but also in the light of her religious ecstasies as she awaits union with God. It is believed that she experienced a special nuptial union with Christ as portrayed in Bernini's work.

So, Bernini was trying to capture "her death throes, portraying her as suffering but also in the light of her religious ecstasies". He sure liked to capture lots of ecstasies. It makes me think of a French term for orgasm, Le petite mort, of the little death. I've already written about this little death before so no need to expand here. It does look like that is what she is enjoying as well.

Mort or Le Petite Mort?

Along the way, I found another church and saw a small relief sculpture that had a surprise for me. It looks like another woman in ecstasy. The Catholics of Rome sure did like their woman to be in ecstasy in art. I enjoy these pieces today and feel that it can be art to see someone as they are in that moment of le petite mort.

Good Times

Sadly, I have to say "Ciao" to the this magic city tomorrow morning. I am ready to go and look forward to going home, but I know I need to return here. The gelato is addicting and the city is now an itch that can never be scratched away.

I Was Tying My Shoes When She Asked Me For the Time

Photo Notes - I have more images to edit. Sadly, I only have my old 5mp Nikon with me so the images are not of the technical quality that I prefer. That means no prints, but I still enjoy them.

I think I have a crush on Renata. Here is another one of her campaign posters.

Women in Advertisements 2

Clear, Focused, and Energized

Candace 010710

What reinvigorates, cleans, brings clarity, focuses, de-clutters you? For some, practicing yoga, meditation and prayer do the trick. Others achieve this through exercise, talking or writing with others. What is your method?

For me, I feel this after sex, a good night's sleep, or a good day cross-country skiing. Each of these brings my thoughts under control and focuses my energy, creativity, and action. Each of these offers me different rewards.

Sex needs to be one of those things that can not be multi-tasked with other things. During that alone or shared time, all that matters is the pleasure that grows, flows, fills, and moves through those involved. I hope the one I am with is not thinking of work, taxes, or dinner plans. Through this intense, focused time with or without someone, we rid our minds of extraneous things and only that moment matters. After we (or if solo, I am) are satisfied, I have a clarity and purpose brought by the release of all the tensions and passions that had built up. I have mentioned before that sex is a type of baptism and cleansing. We are cleansing all these things for a brief time. Fortunately though, this is not a one-time baptism, but one that must be done again and again.

Don't
Joshua Tree National Park

I've written quite a bit about sleep as a time when we voluntarily lose control of our being and let the shadows of our psyche roam, careen, stampede, and crash about. Sometimes sleep is bad for me, but those times when I do not have nightmares and I can awaken slowly, I have a feeling of peace and clarity and usually a deep focus on one thing. That one thing is often something I needed to solve. The solution came somewhere during the sleep. I know that I must use this insight quickly or it will be lost to the distractions that create the ennui of daily life.

Every winter I go cross-country skiing as many times as possible. I've been doing this for over thirty years. The ideal day starts with the drive to the beautiful mountain location. I get my skis off my car and put on my boots. After putting my pack and skis on, I am ready to take off. The first mile is a semi-quick warm up as I focus on getting all my muscles used to this new method of self transport. The next five or six miles I get into my own rhythmic groove with minimal breaks for water or rest. The world is "shushing" by and all I hear is my breathing. I think about my life, desires, situation, and where I am. I usually stop to eat lunch with the friends or family on the trip.

Joshua Tree National Park - Hall of Horrors

By this time I am about two thirds done. My joints and muscles are getting tired from the exertion and sudden lunch stop. As I start off I feel my body's reluctance to get going, but as the food and water replenish me I get back to my natural stride. Many times at this point it begins to snow, or snow harder. I love to stop, listen to my breathing and take in the most peaceful bliss my heart can ever enjoy. I hear the snow actually landing on the ground, on me, all around me. There is a muffled silence that fills me with warmth as the only movement around me is my breathing. Sometimes you can hear the wind flowing between the trees causing them to shake and making the snow blow sideways. This is my most private and personal moment with nature. It is just me and her living and breathing together, her wind and my exhales making similar airy sounds.


Snowy and Windy Day on Top of Mt. San Jacinto

As dusk approaches, I am about a mile from the car and things grow darker. With the peaceful quiet of the falling snow and the white blanket on the ground easily visible, I find my car. I snap out of my binding, shake off the snow on my hat and coat, stow my gear, start up the car and drive home. During that drive and for the next few days I feel the exhaustion and fresh air still running through me. My mind is peacefully calm and not really focused or concerned about anything. This is more peaceful than any day at the spa for me.

We all have things that help bring us back. These are three of mine. I also feel this after reading a novel, a long drive in the country, and many other activities. What are yours and how do they make you feel?

Le Petite Mort - The Little Deaths

There
Photo by SB

As the final part of my "mini-deaths" series where I explore the idea of moments when our existence takes us out of the normal and maybe gives us a glimpse of death, or some other universe, I want to look at a positive one, "la petit mort" or "the little death." This is the one moment that has been evolutionarily programmed into us so our specie can multiply.

According to wikipedia, la petit mort is...

La petite mort, French for "the little death", is a metaphor for orgasm.

More widely, it can refer to the spiritual release that comes with orgasm, or a short period of melancholy or transcendence, as a result of the expenditure of the "life force".

What happens in that moment when we lose control of our physical body and the deepest human pleasure runs through us taking us to what some call "the little death?" Is this just a moment of physical reaction to stimuli with intense release of chemicals into our bloodstream? Is this a metaphysical moment, transcending the corporal being to a sensual spiritual existence?

As a scientist, I wonder why we evolved to have this moment of pure out-of-body ecstatic bliss that temporarily leaves us so vulnerable? It is a self-induced pleasurable mini-seizure. My thought is that if it wasn't something that every atom in our body both desired and then enjoyed, there would be little enticement for sex. Since this has been programmed into our coding for millions of years, we feel its pull stronger than any other instinct we have. I would even say it is stronger than the basic survival instinct because at that critical moment we are truly defenseless and both physically and mentally absent.

From a religious view, the orgasm may be a gift from the divine. It may be our one moment where we are in a divine state, a moment of baptism. It connects us to the life force we all share and are using to create life.

During the moment of orgasm, we go both into ourselves feeling every nerve release energy and also go outside of ourselves to a larger existence of pure pleasure. Well, at least that is how I feel. No wonder I write so much about sex .

I truly believe in the concept of "la petit mort." It is one moment we transcend our existence by succumbing to the most primal basic desires. Death is just a tad bit younger than life and it is one of the oldest organic conditions in our existence. Maybe by connecting sex to creating new life, the opposite of death, the orgasm gives us a taste of both in the blissful moment.


IMPORTANT NOTE: I mention sex and orgasm as a driver for procreation. I am not using this as an argument against the validity of gay and lesbian sex. I celebrate one of the outcomes of the sexual revolution that sex has risen above breeding in humanity and is a valued part of our personal self, no matter the orientation.
________________________________________________________

I found a website called Beautiful Agony where volunteers post videos of their own orgasms. What is unique about this is the lack of nudity or explicit activity. The camera focuses on the pleasure seekers face and neck only. It is fascinating to watch just the facial behaviors of both men and women during their peak moment. (There is a free preview clip on the left side) Like snowflakes, no two people have the same orgasm.

Having the blessing to see some one climax is beautiful and deeply personal. It is a moment where you are showing your true sexual self to another. As I mentioned in a previous post about "alone time,"

Some of the most intimately deep moments with a person were both of us together doing that. You have to feel very comfortable with the person to share that. I think intercourse is easier and less personal.

FINAL NOTE: In compliance with the FTC regulations, I am not getting compensated by Beautiful Agony for mentioning their site in my blog even though they offer it.

Alone vs. Lonely - Revisited

Old Chair 2
Photo by SB

I've written before about my interpretations of the differences between "alone" and "lonely." I am very comfortable being alone whether at home or traveling. I am not a hermit. I appreciate being alone.

I have also written about "alone" time, which has its own unique onanistic magic. Sometimes that is one of my desires I wrote about yesterday. I've discovered that sex is beautiful when shared with someone, but it can be deeply exploratory and rewarding when it is just me.

I do get lonely, but that is a rare feeling. When I am eating alone in a restaurant, I am not really alone. I am with all the other diners, wait staff, cooks, and people walking by on the sidewalk. Being alone is very interpretive.

Below is a great link (click on photo) to Magnum photo series titled, All by Myself. I can relate to the photos.

Amboise, France - 1972

Elliott Erwitt / Magnum Photos

_________________________________________________________

If you get a chance, read my slightly edited article at Univers d'Artistes about use of light when photographing men and women. It is a much cleaner and better edited post than the one posted in this blog. Thanks UL for your selecting this post and publishing it at UdA.

Univer d'Artistes

My original post, Men Take the Light.

The Appeal of Sapphos and Threesomes

Just Two
Photo by SB

In Stephen Hayne's blog, Magic Flute Nudes, he asked what the appeal of lesbian erotic photos is for heterosexual males. I wrote a brief summary of some of the psychological theories I found through a quick internet search on the topic. Here is what I wrote.

Let me dust off my 20 year old psychology degree and try to find a theory about why guys like lesbian erotica. I did a quick internet search for theories on this. Here is a stab at it.

When a guy sees erotic photos of a man and a woman, they can feel intimidated by having a man there. This guy in the photo is competition. It is difficult to feel a part of the scene with another guy there. Only when the photos are closeups and hardcore can most men disassociate the guy and put their own feelings, presence and desires into the photo.

If the photo is of two women, the sense of competition is reduced or eliminated because of a misogynistic impulse to think, "All those women need is a real man, and that is me." The lesbians I know definitely disagree that is "what they need."

This is one of theories I found. There were others though centering on the idea of 3-somes and also being dominated by two women.

I need to think on my own feelings concerning these types of images, since I have made some myself. Maybe that could be a future post.

Good questions. Good photo. Good post.

I believe there are subtle variations and combinations of reasons that are more applicable for an individual's desires. As for mine, they have evolved.

From the beginning of my viewing of erotic, pornographic, artistic, implied lesbian erotica, I found them very arousing. I love looking at the feminine physique and seeing two women together in a sexual presentation was even better. If the content was video, the sounds and movements were even more enticing and arousing. The content did not have to be explicit to make me appreciate it.

A few years back, I enjoyed photographing Leila and Hana together. Their genuine affection for each other made the moment feel real and not so scripted. During the photo shoot, I did not feel like a voyeur since I had a participatory role in it. My role was behind the camera and capturing the event and adding direction as needed. I wasn't just a viewer. Was I aroused during the shoot? Not really. Later that night though I did have some very sensual dreams.

Not long ago, my views of lesbian erotica greatly changed due to a very personal issue between my wife and myself. I am still uncomfortable writing out the full issue here, but if you go through my entire blog you will see I've softly touched on it a number of times and you can get the idea of what happened. Because of this I am torn between being aroused seeing the images, but also feeling emotionally hurt by them.

As I mentioned in the theory comment I put on Stephen's post;

If the photo is of two women, the sense of competition is reduced or eliminated because of a misogynistic impulse to think, "All those women need is a real man, and that is me." The lesbians I know definitely disagree that is "what they need."

This is very true. I recently saw an interesting scene from Showtime's The L Word. A homophobic and deep-in-the-closet older police officer has pulled over one of the main male characters who caught his girlfriend with her lesbian lover. The cop asks why he was speeding and the upset boyfriend tells him the story. The cop offers this.

Sammy is the cop, Tim is the boyfriend in the script.

Sammy: You ever watch pornography?
Tim: Um...
Sammy: You don't have to answer that. We all do. You know, we spend our whole lives watchin' porn. We never see the warning. There it is. You know that scene, where, uh, two women are gettin' it on? Guy comes in, he's all hard, y'know, he's gonna give it to 'em, he's gonna fuck 'em good. We think that's what those chicks want. The meat. That's not it. They're having a good time without him. They're going down on each other, you know, they're, uh... they're up in there, they're licking everything, a guy comes in, he's ready to unload... that's not what they want. They got their eyes squinted up, like, uh... someone's gonna pour gasoline on 'em. There's your warning. (stands up) That's why this country's homosexuals... are so dangerous. (leans back down) When you got two people... they got the same equipment... and they both know how to treat it... how could anybody of the opposite sex compete with that? That's how they get ya. (a beat) You, uh... try to drive the speed limit, okay?
Tim: (a beat) (nods) I will.

I don't agree with Sammy's pessimism or defensive attitudes against homosexual sex as being "so dangerous." The male fantasy to join two lesbians and believing, "..all they need is a real man." is dishonest and false. I don't think there is a part for a third in a threesome or between two lesbians that don't need a man. They are together for each other and a man will not make it complete. I doubt a woman would have much success joining two gay male lovers in the same circumstances either.

A few of my friends have tried the different combinations of threesomes. MMF, FFM, FFF, and MMM. All of them said it was at best a failed experiment and at worst, an end of a relationship. If you throw in the factor of love and someone feeling left out and jealous, then mutually rewarding and beautiful threesomes are only a myth of the porn industry.

For better or worse, the appeal of lesbian erotica and threesomes has greatly diminished or evaporated completely for me. I encourage photographers to photograph these scenes, but I am not sure if I will. I still like looking at the pictures though, but the erotic personal connection to them is both arousing and hurting.


Personal note. This is not a well-argued point. I am just trying to figure out how I feel about this topic. As we all know... feelings and logic are not friends.

PHOTO NOTE. I scanned this on my dusty old scanner. Sorry for the millions of dust spots. I tried to get rid of as many of them as I could.

The Onanistic Self - Part 2 - Right in Time

I meant to include this song with yesterday's post. I could not find it on Youtube, so I made my own movie of it.

This is Lucinda Williams sexiest song. Listen to the single journey she takes through the song.

The Onanistic Self

Other Thoughts

Photo by SB

First, a poem by Joseph J. Capista

Playboy's Guide to Lingering

We read lingerie as lingering.
An innocent mistake, yes, though
we didn't dally in Patel's humid
newsstand amid hanks of cigared
tobacco and men in coveralls logger-
heading with the Pennsylvania Lotto
to expand our budding tongues
but to confuse the single shelf
of cryptograms and crosswords
with the candied shelves of pornos.
Despite our lousy decoding, we
proved adept disrobers, kid-minds
keen to peel what we'd later call satin
from skin like we peeled bright, waxy
clementines slipped in our stockings,
our reward for a year of skirting Satan.
Nonchalant as bubble gum, we thumbed
them cover to cover, lingered, elbowed
one another while we dittoed each
sweet image deep in memory's folds:
love's coy postures, saddle-stapled.
And that is how we imagined
it would be for us on those winter
afternoons: flimsy resistance, a finger's
steady pressure, the split of soft fruit.
We'd puzzle over language later.
For now, we had more important
things on our hands to misread.

Today, I am going to write about alone time. I mean that type of "alone" time. We all do it. Some of us treat each occurrence as a sensual ceremony. Some treat it with about as much passion as brushing their teeth. Sadly, some feel deep shame about it (side note... they should not feel shame about masturbation, but where they do it and what they are fantasizing about may be another issue).
I can't remember the first time I touched myself in any sensual way. I do remember my first climax from doing it though. I was thirteen and found one of my older brother's Playboys that he didn't take to college. When the climax ended... my life changed. I had never experienced anything so internally powerful, intense, or wonderful. It almost hurt, but I knew I wanted to do it again. There was some deep primal urge to want that. For me, I think that was truly a day I started to become a man and a human.
The physical product of it was a big surprise. In sex education, the teacher had mentioned ejaculate, but just what it contained and that it would happen. In some way, the full mental, soulful, and both body-physical as well as physical relic of the moment made it complete. There is something sensually important about all parts of it, including the cleaning up.

Since that day almost three decades ago, I still desire it. It is the only routine activity in life that I deeply enjoy. Dinner may be a distant second. Sleep is OK when I don't have night terrors. I can't consider intercourse as routine because it depends on participation of another.

For me, the greatest reward is not the end, but the journey. Whether it is fantasy-based, visually inspired, spontaneously enjoyed, shared with another person beside me, or whatever it brings, the build-up is the ultimate pleasure.
Since masturbation is a type of sex, my tastes for it and intercourse are similar. It is all about the journey. I love a long erotic journey as much as I like the quick, intensely passionate sessions.
We all have triggers, stimuli, and needs that make us take this solitary journey. Mine are mostly visual like the things I mentioned in Those Simple Little Things. They include a scent, a memory, a sound, a voice, a setting, or most anything can send me along my way was well. Being a sensual (and/or very horny) guy, it doesn't take much of a trigger. I wonder what are triggers for others.
Some common things that must happen during the session. Even if it is a photo of a stranger that starts the journey, I must have some connection to the person other than that. It could be as simple as a shared glance on the bus, a deep conversation, worked together, ongoing correspondence, and other personal interactions. For this reason, I never had a movie star play a role in the "monent" except one who I met at an event. We shook hands and chatted for fifteen seconds. That was enough.
As mentioned above, alone time does not have to be alone for me. Some of the most intimately deep moments with a person were both of us together doing that. You have to feel very comfortable with the person to share that. I think intercourse is easier and less personal.