Yes, I am Feeling It

"Self Titled"
Photo by SB

"Desire" is a mighty word. We all desire things. We desire sexy things, noble things, dirty things, materialistic things, healthy things, religious/spiritual things, peaceful things, violent things, dangerous things, safe things... you get the point. We all desire the experience to experience the desire.

Desires are like drugs. They are not good or bad. It is how we use them that can be interpreted as good or bad. At this moment I desire spam and eggs (guilty pleasure), coffee, and toast. This is an OK desire, in moderation. Last week I desired a big cigar, a not-so-good desire. I always pay for it physically after smoking one, by tasting it in my mouth and throat for days, but sometimes it is worth it.

Last night I desired sex. Today I desire it. Tomorrow I will desire it. They are not the same desires. That is such a bland statement to say, "I desire sex." That is like saying, "I desire food." Both have such variety that the statement has no meaning.

Last night I desired food, a big salad with grilled asparagus, thinly sliced grilled chicken, and grated manchego cheese with a balsamic/olive oil dressing, crusty bread and wine to accompany it. That is pretty specific.

As I age, I am starting to appreciate my desires more by trying to refine them to their essence. This is helping me find what I truly enjoy in the experience. I am trying to do this with my eating, activities, what I photograph, who I visit, where I travel, and what I do.

So, last night I desired sex. That is too vague. I desired sex passionate rough sex on the futon in my home office. Next time it could be soft sex lasting for hours on a soft feather bed. When I compare my sexual desires now to those of my teen years, they are focused. When I was fifteen, I desired sex... any I could get. I didn't have the discriminating palette that comes with experience and knowledge. I didn't know what I didn't know.

Now I am a bit more discriminating about most of my tastes. I am trying to fine tune my experiences to relish the elegant simple beauty of the need. I am finding great pleasures in that.

I need to be careful desiring and focusing in on such discreet pleasures. I may miss great opportunities for new discoveries and pleasures. It is the cliche of "missing the forest for the trees" issue.

A few years ago I was practically living in my darkroom developing film and making prints. I kept honing my skills and vision while disregarding all my friends' excitement for digital. I saw digital more as convenient than artistic. That changed when I met a landscape/flower photographer who shot digital and showed me her work. I didn't know that color and resolution had come so far as to rival film. Since I got my digital SLR last December, I've opened my artistic world in a new direction that greatly excites me. I hope I don't lose my desire to work in film though.

So, right now I desire a walk with my dogs around this foggy morning. I know I wont desire that when it is going to be 100+ early next week. Time to satisfy that desire.

Photo note - Another of the "word" photos with Candace. At first I was disappointed with the image since it was not sharp. After playing with it a little by a de-saturating, bumping contrast, and enhancing grain, I think this matches how I view "desire." Desires usually have a feel and color to them and may have a scent, taste, and feel as well. This one pretty much sums up my feelings last night.

Desire
U2

Lover, Im on the street
Gonna go where the bright lights
And the big city meet
With a red guitar...on fire
Desire

Shes a candle burning in my room
Yeah Im like the needle, needle and spoon
Over the counter with a shotgun
Pretty soon everybody got one
And the fever when Im beside her
Desire, desire...

And the fever...getting higher
Desire, desire...burning, burning

Shes the dollars
Shes my protection
Yeah shes a promise
In the year of election
Oh sister, I cant let you go
Like a preacher stealing hearts
At a traveling show
For love or money money money
Money money money money money
Money money money
And the fever, getting higher
Desire, desire, desire, desire
Desire, desire

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