A moment of solitude

Valya - 092910

Sometimes we all need to be alone.   We shut out all the unneeded and only focus on ourselves.  For some, it is a stress relief.  For others, it is a way to cleanse our mind, body and spirit and celebrate a unique and personal gift.  

Tough

 

This photo of Courtney shows another side of her true self.  She is tough as hell.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, she enthusiastically worked with me through the session while nursing a freshly sliced and glued finger.  Courtney is tough in many ways.  She is kind, sweet and cares, but she is not a push over.  Her art is tough too.  I am hoping to work with her again this weekend.

On the topic of being tough, I wrote a short piece over at my other blog, Hear Me Roar, about the important lessons I learned from getting my ass kicked .  Sometimes defeat is the best teacher.

Simple lessons need no words

Los Angeles - Robert Frank

I found this little video by accident.  Its little message about the meaning of life needs no words.  Please watch it to the end and share your comments and thoughts. 


Fallen from Sascha Geddert on Vimeo.

Awkward photos

Courtney 092410 -1A

I like photos that make the viewer feel a bit awkward and uncomfortable.  This photo I took of Courtney makes me feel that way.  Out of all the photos I took of her, this one keeps bringing me back.

Her pose, expression, youth, innocence, vulnerability, and demeanor gave this photo a depth and message of discomfort that I appreciate more each time I see it.  I am glad she didn't over act the moment.

My photographing her from above (I'm 6'4" and she is 5'2") towers over her.  With that aspect, that puts the viewer into a role beyond being just an observer.  What does her body language say about that?

So many other elements add richness (in my humble opinion) to this photo: her red hair, her chipped blue finger nails, her hair blowing across her face, her necklace, the angular, harsh light.   All of these elements add to contextual points that have different meanings to me depending on my mood and what I am looking for.

I am curious if you find anything in this photo.  Do you find different things in the black and white version below?  If you do, do you care to share??   I have a tough skin and take criticism as well.

By the way, Courtney is well over 18.  I am honored she liked this one and put it in a Facebook album.  You can see some more of our work at this post.

PHOTO NOTE:  Courtney is one tough lady.  She is hiding her left hand ring finger under her lapel because it is wrapped in a huge bandage.  Three hours before the photo session, she got an inch and half cut and the doctors glued it shut and bandaged it.  She had throbbing pain from it if she held her hand below her heart.  She never complained during the session.  She swore once when she whacked her finger against a door frame.  I appreciate her dedication to helping me get the photos I needed for school, and this one.  I needed it for my art.  Sometimes art hurts.

Courtney 092410 -1A

Smokin'

Courtney - 092310 - 1

What is it about watching people smoke that is so damn sexy?  Is it the sensual breathing, the smoke entering and then exiting their core?  This sexiness of smoking is not just of women.  One of the biggest draws for the great show Mad Men is the all the smoking, both the men and the women. 

I recently worked on a photo assignment for my new class.  The assignment was to photograph accessories as part of a portrait.  We looked at a set of examples the instructor prepared.  Most were beautiful images, but didn't inspire me.  I saw examples of accessories that included necklaces, hair, piercings, masks, and other bits of bangles and baubles.  None of them inspired me and I wanted to photograph something sensual and sexy.

Courtney - 092310 -2

Last Sunday I met with all the other photographers I went to New York with to work out the photos for our book.  I talked with my friend Courtney, a gifted artist and fellow student, as she was smoking.  I knew then that I had found the right accessory for her portrait.  After some brief chatting we worked out a location and date and got these photos.

Thanks to Courtney.  You are an artist and a muse, and you amuse. 

My future commute

NYC AHOLE - 091810

I have a two and half hour commute every day.  I chose to work where I do and to suffer the commute.  I ride a bus most days and prefer it to driving.   This commute has become a major part of my life and I am trying to find meaning in it.  I haven't yet.  Until I do, I can always dream of a commute like in the video. 


Better than a flying car.

John and Paul - the power of two... who was the muse?

My Dynamic Duo

It is a crazy day in my life.  Work, photography, life.  They all are sucking my time.  I took a moment to read the first segment on a new series at Slate.com on the power of creative pairings.  The first dynamic duo they look at is Paul McCartney and John Lennon.  Please read it before going on with this post.

I find it fascinating how both added so much and needed so much from their relationship.  They both needed to be in charge, but they did it in different ways.  The quote from Mick Jagger about why he and Keith have worked together for so long while John and Paul split is also very interesting.  The writer of the series also asks if dynamic pairs' relationships must have extended longevity.  For some, Mick and Keith, yes.  For John and Paul, no. 

I think that is true of all types of relationships.  Some of the best friendships, romantic relationships, etc., I've enjoyed were short lived.  On the other hand, I do love the long lasting ones too.  I am glad I haven't had too many powerful relationships that ended way too soon or lasted way too long.   I am like Goldilocks, I want the one that is just right.

Now back to dynamic duos.  Many in the art community write about muses.  I've had a few.  Almost every model I've been blessed to work with were my muses.  Some of those relationships lasted a few hours, others are still inspiring.  Maybe after reading this article and hopefully the whole series, I will have a new appreciation for the creative relationship that the arts give us.  So, here is the question I have about John and Paul's relationship, who was the muse?  I think it was Paul.

Hear Me Roar

Not Good Enough   - Candace Nirvana 2009

It is time to start a new thing.  It is time for a new blog.

A few weeks ago I almost burned down this blog, the Photo Fermata.  I was very frustrated with it and where it was going.  I wrote a great big good bye post.  I even set it up that after that, the blog would be all black with just photos and text.  I wanted to burn down my tree in the pixel forest and leave its burned out hulk as all that was left of it.  I also started planning a new blog that would explore things that I didn't feel fit into this one.   From that inspiration, I created my new blog, Hear Me Roar.

Before you go off and click on that link, I suggest you read the first post to it by clicking on this link.  Here is the intro to the new blog that I wrote in the first post over there.

Through out history the role of man in terms of gender, identity, roles, entitlements, crime, power, survival, sexuality, and many other areas continues to evolve and change to meet the standards and culture of the day.  Overall, I am a much different man than my great grandfather due to cultural changes and personal choices.  Even though I am my own modern man and am not completely the same as men in the past, I believe there are core rules, beliefs, and wired-in truths for men.


What is a real man?  I can be full of bullshit, but it is impossible to answer that question in one post.  That is the purpose of this new blog, Hear Me Roar.  It is my exploration of masculinity, musculism, the male role in gender, male sexuality and male stereotypes and generalizations.  This blog will be a sounding board and experimental forum for my future work during my MFA program.

 As you can see, that is a topic I've mentioned here and there in this blog, but have not really gone too deep into.  It will not be a pretty blog.  I plan to look at the the beauty and the ugly of men, masculinity and what we are.  It will be graphic and crude at times through exploration, exposition and even exploitation of various things.  It will not always be a shock ride, because that would be a disservice to men.

I encourage you to give it a read.  Not all things I put there reflect my belief unless I state otherwise.  I put those things there to expose all thoughts on the modern man and let you think about what is true and false, right or wrong.   I encourage comment, debate, and argument.  Tell me if what I put is bullshit or truth or something in between.

I don't expect anyone who reads the Photo Fermata to become followers.  You were attracted to this blog for a reason and Hear Me Roar is not this blog.

What is the future of the Photo Fermata?
I enthusiastically plan to continue this blog.  This blog focuses on art and life and how I see things through my camera.  I still love this blog and appreciate all the followers and commentators.  I need this blog as an outlet and inspiration for my photography.  This blog is not going away until I feel it has lived its life and needs to be shut down.  Today is not that day.

"It's not personal, Sonny. It's strictly business."

Movie still - The Godfather

It's not personal, Sonny. It's strictly business. - Michael Corleone to Sonny - The Godfather (see movie clip below)

When in doubt, take it personally - Ollie

Nobody really gives a fuck about you, it is up to you to make your art important.
Don't go against your intuition.
Two choices in life - doing it or becoming bullshit.
 - Duane Michals

I need to tip-toe around this topic since some of the parties involved may read this.  I recently heard of a photo project that some acquaintances completed. A few of the key people in it knew I had a strong history with very similar projects, especially with this subject, material and theme.  I know they've seen my work and it is as good as the stuff I've seen from the project.  For some reason though no one thought to tell me about it or ask me to join.

At first I was furious.  How dare they do something they know I have done in the past and have very strong work to contribute.  Are they running a good old boys/girls club on this?  Did I alienate myself from their group?  How could they forget me?

After stewing on this perceived slight, I went to the final meeting of my NYC travel group to choose the final photos for our book and exhibition/gallery showing.  We each put up our top two or three dozen images and had to narrow it down to six for the book and three for the exhibit (the book and exhibit could overlap).  I had four themes for my photos, Sex in the City, On the Sidewalks, In the Museums, and The Usual Suspects (The usual sights of the city.)  Our instructor, Ron, facilitated the redaction exercise.  We went as a group and chose the final six and three for each person.  The individual photographer had a major say concerning his/her own choices, but we had to look at it as a complete book of 16 photographers and how all the photos would work together.

We came to my images second and they were ruthless.  Ron and others were saying things like:
"This one doesn't interest me. "
"Cliche."
"No point to this photo"
"This doesn't say anything about NYC."

I got quiet and softly said, "Ouch."  Ron then said, "Look, we want the best book we can make.  The critique and selection process is hard, but that is how it is.  If you ever hear art and photo directors for magazines and books during their selection process, it is ruthless.  If you are looking at getting an MFA, you had better get used to this type of moment, because it will be 100 times tougher and happen all the time."

We got down to my final six images.  I was hurt that a few others were not selected, but see how these six work together and were actually some of my favorites from the beginning.  It hurt, but it worked.  From that moment on though, I chose to be ruthless in my opinions of the others' work if I felt it did not live up to what should be their six best.  It's strictly business getting the best book.  It isn't personal.

That is the rub though.  Art is personal.  When others critique and pull out my favorite photos, it feels like they are ripping a part of me out as well.  In my cold rational mind, I understand appreciate the role of redaction in selecting a body of work.  I wrote two long posts about it in July.

In that instant, I learned two things that lead to a tie-in to the original issue.

1. Redaction is crucial.  Only the best should be shown.
2. If I am going to go into this for a new career, I need to get a thicker skin and be able to defend my work better when presenting it.

Movie Videos & Movie Scenes at MOVIECLIPS.com 
After thinking about those two lessons, I looked at our group photo from the trip taken with the great photographer Duane Michals and I remembered his wise words.
 
Nobody really gives a fuck about you, it is up to you to make your art important.
This quote truly applies to the art world and business.  No one gives a fuck about me, my work, and how I feel about it.  We wanted the best book.  The images chosen from my group may not be all my best, but they work best for the book.

The same goes true for the acquaintance who did not bother to ask me to participate in her project.  In all likelihood, she forgot about me or if she had thought of me, I didn't have the cache, history, portfolio, and prior body of work to part of her project.   It probably was business on that decision, and personal friendships should not have any part of business.  She and her peers are not in business to do me a favor unless I can offer them something back of value as well.   In other words, they really don't give a fuck about me.

Now what I have to figure out is how I can be included in the next project and find out why I wasn't considered for this one.  From that I will learn and be ready for future opportunities.  It may not be with them, and it may be a better one.

Don't go against your intuition.
I had obviously chosen the final 6 photos as part of the larger group I presented.  Some part of me told me to include them and the rational part of me knew that any 6 could have been chosen.  The final 6 are good and I am proud of them.  My intuition was right.


My intuition about my work that is very similar, and probably in the same league or better than the stuff I've seen in the project I was not included in tells me they missed an opportunity for some great stuff of mine.  That is my fault for not putting myself out their more, not theirs.   In a way, it is their loss, but not really.   My work is probably meant to be somewhere else and they got what they wanted.

I know what is good of my work.  Nobody else gives a fuck about it or me, unless I get out there with it and force them to look at it.  Most will say no.  A few will say yes.  The important thing to remember is: It's not personal, [Karl]. It's strictly business.  That is how I will view your role with my work as well.  You are just business when it comes to my art.



Two choices in life - doing it or becoming bullshit.
That pretty much sums up the other two quotes.  I just have to do it.  Everything else is bullshit.

SPECIAL NOTE: Thanks to Ron and crew for the great trip, experiences and for the creative project.  We created some good stuff.  By the way, I do give a fuck about your stuff.

The Eyes Have It

Moon - 091210

In a recent post over at What We Saw Today, How We Evaluate Ourselves, the good doctor quotes Robert Adams' Beauty in Photography.  There is one small part of the quote I feel is key to good art.

 Finally, I think the success of a work can be measured not only in its freshness and the diversity of the elements it reconciles, but also by the apparent ease of its execution.  An artwork should not appear to have been hard work.  I emphasize appear because no artwork is easy to make. - [emphasis mine]

If you are showing me your photos that you worked on or are in, you may not like my feedback.  I will tell you what works and doesn't work for me as tactfully as possible.  One area though I tend to be harsh on is the obvious overuse of tools to doctor photos.  The first place I look for these issues is in the eyes of the subject.

Back in the 1988 I took my first photography class during my undergrad years.  We learned how to develop and print black and white film.  The instructor taught us about using filters, simple tools, and other techniques to fix contrast, dark/light spots, and other issues to make our prints better.  In one photo I had a person who wore a hat on a sunny day.  Most of the detail in his face was lost in the shadow.  I tried to dodge the face to keep some detail, yet have the rest exposed for the correct time.  On the first print the face looked white and the subject had a light halo around his head.  The next try wasn't any better.  I went through so many sheets of paper trying to get the dodge down right and I never quite succeeded.  I should have used a reflector to bounce light back onto his face when I took the photo.  That experience taught me two key rules in photography.

Since then I got much better at my darkroom technique.  I also learned the golden rule of photography that applies to both digital and film - thou shalt get the image into thy camera as close to perfect as possible.  This golden rule has an auxiliary admonishment - tricks are for kids (thanks Uncle Ron, photo guru, for that quote).  This auxiliary teaches us that not all images are salvageable.  If it can not be fixed cleanly, learn from what went wrong and make sure you get the image right next time. 

All photographers should strive for getting the image right when taking it.  I know sometimes the moment is so crucial to catch that we have to sacrifice perfection to get it though.  Even then, if that photo requires too much  effort in post production to make it work, it isn't worth it. A true craftsman (what is the gender neutral term for craftsman?) of any trade wants the work to come out right with little need to for touching it up after making it.

With all that said, I appreciate photographers who incorporate a roughness in their images.  Robert Frank's photos are no where near as well printed as Ansel Adams, Brett Weston, or Paul Strand's photos.  That didn't matter because his photos carried much deeper contextual messages that made a minor lens flare, hot spot, and other little imperfection irrelevant.  What I appreciate though is that you don't see obvious instances of over correction to fix those flaws.  Remember, Frank took around 28,000 images and selected around 80 of them for his book, The Americans.

I took almost 3000 images in New York and maybe 50 are graded at very good.   I would say 10 will make the final cut.   Even these selected ones have minor flaws that I will need to fix in Lightroom.  One of the main reasons each of these images work for me is that I tried to take the best photo possible.  I don't like having to perform major surgery on images to save them*.

Now, I am going to get nit picky.  With the digital tools available, many photographers are trying to improve the most important parts of the image to make them more powerful.  If the image has something with eyes in it, that is the most important part.  We naturally drift our gaze to the eyes of the subject, whether she is an Angelina Jolie or a cow moose.  There is a temptation to give the eyes a "modification (also called mods)" or "tune up".

A friend of mine was rebuilding a pickup and decided to plunk in a much larger V8 to replace the native inline 6 as a modification.  He added exhaust headers, a four barrel carburetor,  electronic ignition, and other adjustments to get maximum horsepower from the engine.  When he was finished, the engine had almost three times the horsepower and twice the torque of the original.  After gently breaking it in and driving it, he decided to drag race it.  On his first run down the lane, he destroyed his transmission.  It could not handle the extensive modifications and improved power and torque.  In the end, he replaced the transmission, exhaust system, brakes, suspension (the new engine weighed far more than the original) and even added a larger fuel tank.  Making overly brash mods to our images can wreak the same unintended havoc on our work.
 
We may start with lightening the eyes, and saturating the colors of the iris  We then add highlights, sharpen them, add detail to the lashes and make them darker or lighter, adjust contrast, whiten the whites, get rid of wrinkles, etc.  After all these adjustments, we may believe the eyes are now gorgeous and perfect.  The problem is that they don't match the rest of the image in aesthetic or quality.  The eyes now show every lash in brilliant definition, but we used softening tools on the rest of the skin and that makes the photo feel awkward and fake at best, and at worst, a bad cosmetic surgery addiction as we try to fix and balance everything (think of Michael Jackson).

Below are two photos of Coach Jim I took a few weeks ago.  I actually captured his eyes pretty well the first time.  In the first photo I went to work accentuating "the windows to his soul" to make them "perfect."  In the second, I did a few touch ups (slightly darkened the highlight and lightened his irises.)  Do you see what I mean by over doing it?  As my former photography instructor Ron reminded us, tricks are for kids. 

* Unless I am re-purposing the image for a completely different intent than straight images.

3
Video

Nine years past September 11th

Is there ever redemption?

I don't call it 9/11 or 911.  Those are models of Porsches or the emergency phone number.  For me, it is September 11th.  I was going to work in San Francisco that morning.  By the time I was crossing the Bay Bridge, the first tower had collapsed and the call had gone out to land all planes.  The skies over the city were filled with airliners waiting to land at Oakland or San Francisco.  We were scared crossing the bridge, not knowing what could be targets.  It is important to remember that three of those flights were headed to SF.

I found this video a few months ago and chose to share it here.  It is important to see an image of what the towers were like before the carnage.  We all remember what they looked like that day as they burned and fell.

I have no profound words, just sadness.

Photo note - Taken across the street from Ground Zero in June.

Glenn and Sarah's 10 Commandments

Well worth the two minutes.

The sound of crickets... in a vacuum.

Valya 090810

Give me your soul.
Give me your lust, your horrors, your darkest essence.
Give me your deepest you.

I give you silence.
I give you confusion from the void of the sound of crickets in a vacuum.
I am the fickle audience that knows my silence is a harsher whip than a cruel word.
Go ruminate in my airless reticence.





2

Misery in the dream.

Valya 1

Misery is a match that never goes out.  - Thomas Huxley

Moon 1

Here are some of my dark images from my sessions with Moon and Valya.  Tough to look at, work with, or even title.  Interesting how Valya and Moon took their feelings and emotions into different areas.  Thanks to both for your hard work on this hard subject.

These images represent the crepitus aesthetic of my night terrors.  In them, they are how I see and sense these horror dream.  Sometimes I am the observer, the victim, and on rare occasions, the persecutor.  With all, the grisly feel in the dreams are close to the content of these photos.

I want to say it was my direct intent to make these photos with Valya and Moon as a concept photo of my nightmares.  It wasn't.   I was hesitant at first to use the projected image because it looked disturbing.  After talking with both models, we decided to work with it.

The Original

I chose this image a while ago as one I could project onto them.  You may recognize it as one I took at a local abandoned building on a closed naval base.  The look and feel of that environment has a creepy sense of familiarity and closeness to me.  Something has made me return to that location four times to photograph in it, including once with Mollee.

Valya 2

Maybe my subconscious mind made the connections for me to use that image and project it onto the models.  Once I saw how both reacted and worked with it, I knew I was discovering something important.  It wasn't until I started working on the images did I begin to realize why this was important. 

The first time I looked at these photos in their raw form, I was disturbed.  I even looked away a few times and closed Lightroom.  I felt a personal connection to the models, the scene and the disturbing concepts of the captured moments.  After working with the images, I gave up hopes of beauty and decided to make them convey misery and other dark emotions.  I soon discovered that what made these feel personal and connected was that I live this type of scene almost every night.

Moon 3

In these dreams I usually feel helpless and at the mercy of others, or helplessly watching others go through the same misery.  These dreams have deep colors, gore, guts, and sound.  I hear joints popping and grinding (crepitus) and the soft moans and sobs of despair.  In all of them, the dream keeps progressing so slowly until a semi-conscious part of my mind tells me to wake up and say, "Get the fuck out of my dreams."  I usually fall asleep again and the cycle repeats, but is shorter as I make the same realization.  After a few repetitions, it goes away and I either dream about pleasant things, unimportant things, or they are completely forgotten for the rest of the night.

Moon 2

Valya 3

I am starting to honor these dark patches of my psyche and try not to bury them as the tortures of the night and only the night.  They are a part of me.  My subconscious is trying to tell me that I need to do something with them.  Maybe it will help heal me.  Maybe it will make some ugly art.


 PHOTOS NOTE:  I left these as large "clickable" links for now so you can see them big.  Please look at both models' eyes.  They tell volumes.

Post Script - Ok -- I guess they were too much. Tuesday (090710)

Valya 4

Moon 4