Two years on...

Valya - 121510

This blog is a toddler.  It is starting to walk on its own and speak simple thoughts.  Since December 15, 2008, this blog has:

• been reborn not once, but twice and been renamed three or four times.
• 371 published posts still accessible
• 60 published posts deleted due to self censorship, poor writing, culling, and other issues
• 123 draft posts that were never published
• 15,070 visits
• 50,558 pages visited
• an average reader spending 2 minutes and 33 seconds per visit.
• visitors from 114 countries
• one evil offspring/brother blog, Hear Me Roar. - A stuttering attempt at validating, defending, and defining masculinity.
• are you bored yet with the "greatness"stats???  I am.

I read last years post, One year on and got bored in the first few paragraphs.  I wrote last year about all the changes in substance, style, yada yada yada.    I am not as sentimental about this blog now as I was a year ago. 

Moi, but I've changed since then

My art has changed in the past year.  I've given up the notion that I want to be another Edward Weston, Ruth Bernhard, or Imogen Cunningham.  You can read more about that here.  I am more interested in mixing it up with a sprinkle of those giants, a bit of Robert Frank, a dash of Bob Guccione (RIP) and lots of my own psyche.  I am less into celebrating the aesthetic art of the form and more into what the context of the moment means.

My two highlights for the year were trips to Rome and New York City.  In Rome I found my spirit.  In New York I found my soul.  Both changed me forever.

Over the years I've made friends along the way, interviewed a few of them, and savored the comments they shared.  Thanks to Carla, Joe, Terrell, Valya, Alex, Z,  and many others.

So, enough rambles.  Here are my favorite photos of 2010.  You may disagree, but all of these are personal, beautiful, and somehow changed me.  Some more than others, but they were important.  Thanks to locations for being open to me.  Thanks to the models for opening themselves to me.

Hit the Road Jack - 

Rome 

 

Wells, Nevada

 Joshua Tree National Park

 New York City

 

 

Las Vegas, NV

California Delta and Foothills 

Models, muses, beauty, and truth

Valya

Moon

Candace Nirvana

Mollee

Andrea

Courtney

 

Marketing

Vatican - January 2010

"I've found artists are lousy at self promotion, monetizing and maximizing earning."* - Jim

Last night I had dinner with my best friend, Jim.  Jim is a web design/internet marketing consultant and content producer.  He mainly helps entrepreneurs build their web presence by creating effective and eye catching sites that help the consumer discover their services and products.  His goal is to help each client find at least a 10 fold increase in revenue over the cost of his services.  Jim is an ethical business man who wants entrepreneurs to succeed.

We were chatting about my websites that I need built for my photography.  We came up with the fact that I need two sites, tied together.  One will be my portfolio site that I can give to potential galleries, magazines, contests, etc.  The other is a commercial site promoting my future photography courses, photo books, photo contract work, and other services and merchandise.  I may even need a third one for my adult content (not porn, just not appropriate for the youngin's).

Jim asked me a while back to send him links to websites of other photographers that I really liked.  I told him how I liked the clean, simple, elegance common in all of them.  I don't want the formatting and graphic design parts competing at all with photos and words.  He felt that was really helpful, but then he asked the hard questions, "Who are your buyers, customers, consumers, clients, etc.?  What do you have to sell to them?"  These questions that makes it hard for this artist to self-promote, monetize, and maximize earnings.

I've been thinking about these questions a bit now.  Who would buy what I create?  What would they buy of my creations? With those two simple questions I've come up with a list of potential things I can offer and who would buy them.  This is important so we can point our advertising to those narrow groups to maximize revenue from advertising with out sending out spam for unwanted stuff and wasting effort and resources for those limited gains.

Here are a couple of tidbits I discovered from talking this through with Jim.  Very few art buyers, if any, will buy my photography, especially the nude art, and hang it on their walls.  As much as I love seeing my work big and on a good wall, society isn't ready to have those photos hanging in their homes.  My photos are also not the type that make for good subscription-based websites.  I don't produce enough content fast enough to do that, and to be honest, while I want some of my photos to arouse and excite, it is not for the quick masturbatory relief that subscription sites aim towards (not a judgment on those sites, I think they are helping the environment by reducing the amount of paper going into Hustler, Barely Legal,  and other stroker mags.)

For now, I am exploring where my work can be exhibited/published to get to an audience and make me some scratch from it.  I have some ideas, but they are not ready to share.

It is hard for artists to self-promote because many of us create art for ourselves and then hope some audience will come to us wanting it.  That doesn't work unless you are extremely lucky and good.  We are in the age where artists must promote themselves and be willing to sell both their art and themselves as a branded product.  I am coming to accept this as not selling out, as long as I keep to my artistic morals, aesthetics and ethics.  Now comes the next challenge, what the hell is my brand????


*This quote may be off a bit due to the influences of enjoying a cold beer, good Italian food, great company and eating outside of a restaurant on the first warm summer evening in northern California.  I think that is the gist of it though.

Money - Pink Floyd - The backup singers at 7:00 minutes are priceless and damn sexy.

My Moonrise, My Citizen Kane?

Movie Still from Citizen Kane

Moonrise Over Hernandez, NM - Ansel Adams

Ansel Adams had Moonrise over Hernandez. Edward Weston had Pepper Number 30.  Richard Avedon had Dovima with Elephants. Orson Wells had Citizen Kane.   I have Yin and Yang.  I do not list these giant's iconic photos and movie and my work as being on par in quality and beauty, but to share what they may all have in common.  For most viewers they are the single piece of art everyone identifies with their creator.

I wrote a short post last night about which photos models choose to use from our work together.  At the top I put the photo Leila uses in her Model Mayhem portfolio, Yin and Yang.  My friend UL wrote a comment about the post and the image.

Yin and Yang

The one you posted here is one of my all-time favorites of yours. I like the yin-yang of it, and the beauty of the alabaster bodies against the black. Stunning and somehow pleasing to the psyche.

Others have written:

stunning b&w. love the emotions - Drusilla Killswitch @ Model Mayhem

This is one of the greatest shots I have seen on MM - Digiphotoarte @ Model Mayhem

 One even wrote a poem for the photo and posted it as part of their critique.

A snowflake
on midnight's window
spirals around my centre
stirs the vortex of my desire.

Wonderful entwining of human forms here - love how one body merges into the other in Geminesque balance. - Jac at Photosig.com

I appreciate all of the comments and compliments of this photo.  This is a special image for me and I am proud of it.  When Leila, Hana and I created it in 2004, I was standing on a ladder above them as they lay on a black rug.  As with almost all of my photos, I spent little time staging since I am not too particular with every detail meeting some predefined concept in my head.  This moment and the pose lasted one or two photos before the models moved a bit to a new pose.  The whole thing took maybe forty seconds.  I mention this because part of the success of the image was serendipity.

Dovima with Elephants - Richard Avedon

Yin and Yang has a rich aesthetic beauty for me.  As UL wrote, "Stunning and somehow pleasing to the psyche."  I agree and I like that description.  It is a relaxing piece to look at, but does it have much more than that?

I believe Yin and Yang lacks complex meaning.   I have many other photos I think are more important including some recent work from New York, Nevada, and Rome.  They make me stop and think.  I want to explore them and discern what they mean to me as the creator of them and also who I am.  I seek the deeper meaning with them as they get under my skin and make me think.  Yin and Yang does not do that for me as either a creator or a viewer of it.

Maybe I have to accept Yin and Yang, and how it reflects on me, in two different ways.  First, not all of my art has to be about something.  It doesn't have to carve deep into my psyche and share truths about existential issues.  Yin and Yang can exist to simply celebrate beauty and aesthetic.  Second, even with its success I have not pigeon-holed my art into making all my images like it.  I am not Anne Geddes.  While I have pride in that photo, I am free to make what I want and not be limited to cloning prior success.  I have to remember Walker Evans may be remembered for his Share Cropper photo series, but my favorite photos of his came from his late-in-life experiments with Polaroid cameras.

Walker Evans - Polaroid

Walker Evans - Polaroid

Walker Evans - Polaroid

Porn and Drugs, part 2- last one, I promise... for now.

The greatest challenge of addressing the topic of pornography is the lack of definition. After an email exchange with Dr. L about life, art, and our recent pornography posts, I found another instance where drugs and porn are similar and may help with the difficulty of defining the term. It all comes down to our reaction to the subject. Some of us process the subject one way while others go in different directions.

In our emails and blogs, we discussed the definition, or lack of definition, of "pornography." The good Dr. made a great point in her email,

"It is meaningless to me. If no one knows what something means, then it doesn't exist."

How can something exist that can not be defined?

Think about a word of something physical like "pencil." According to Wikipedia,

A pencil is a writing implement or art medium usually constructed of a narrow, solid pigment core inside a protective casing. The case prevents the core from breaking, and also from marking the user’s hand during use. Pencils create marks via physical abrasion, leaving behind a trail of solid core material that adheres to a sheet of paper or other surface. They are noticeably distinct from pens, which dispense liquid or gel ink that stain the light color of the paper.

That pretty much sums up a pencil. How about something more challenging like "love". According to Wikipedia,

Love is any of a number of emotions related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. 

Love then can be defined from different cultural views, physiological reasons.  It was broken down into different types of love by the Greeks. These types were:

• agape - divine, unconditional love, eros - passionate, sensual, longing
• philia - a practical love with loyalty to the family, community, and those around you
• storge - natural affection and caring, like parent to child
• xenia - love through hospitality.

Even though "love" is much more abstract than "pencil", it still has a definition that most can understand and agree on. Pornography doesn't have that going for it.

Drugs and Metabolism - a connection to porn

I am amazed how our body works with things to either hurt or help us. Our body stores fat in the belly to keep organs warm and maintain a fuel supply near them when food is scarce. It also causes health issues when we store too much fat there.

The body metabolizes things differently and can change things ingested or breathed in into completely different things. We breathe in oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide. Our body changed it.

In a more complex example, our body ingests a drug and changes it into a different compound. Capecitabine is a colorectal and breast cancer treatment taken orally via a tablet. When some patients take capecitabine, it is changed in the body to a substance called 5-fluorouracil (5-FU). For some patients, 5-FU stops cancer cells from growing and decreases tumor size.

This is amazing.  The drug is taken and the body decides how to digest it and interpret it into something different. Not all patients have the same response. This means it is up to the individual patient's body to decide what happens when the product is taken.

"I can't define obscenity, but I know it when I see it."

This is where I see the relationship of drugs and metabolism to pornography. Pornography is defined by the individual in how his or her mind digests it. Depending on her/his beliefs, experiences, desires, likes/dislikes, exposure, education, and many other factors, the viewer interprets and defines the material differently. With the definition being unique to each individual, it is impossible to create a communal definition of pornography. 

End note - I want to leave this poor beaten dead horse alone.  Being related to a pheonix though, the porno horse will rise again and I am sure I will write about it then.

Porn and Drugs

Classic Modern Leila

Dr. L over at What We Saw Today wrote about pornography again.  She discusses how the vague boundaries of porn makes it so hard to discuss and define.  All of this makes me think porn and drugs are related, but not in the way you may think.

I've written about pornography a bit too.  I've stated that I believe porn can be art, but not all porn is art.  I've made what most would consider porn.  I've viewed porn.  I am not going to define the boundaries between art, porn and erotica since all three can blend a bit for me.  While the content of the pornography varies and can be defended or blamed, I am not writing about content now.  I want to focus on porn usage.  My belief about porn usage is similar to that of drugs.  Neither are good or bad, it is the intention of the use that is "good" or "bad."

Along the way to getting my psychology degree I had to take both Use and Abuse of Drugs and Human Sexuality.  Both were great classes.  Both came with warnings and caveats.  Both courses were held in the largest auditorium on campus, seating 499 people.  Both classes were full. 

Follow the Arc

In the sex class, we were told on the first day that we could not bring friends, family or any other guest to the class unless they were registered.  The professors (one a behavioral biologist covering the physiology of sex, the other a social anthropologist, covering the cultural, historic, and other contextual aspects of sexuality) told us that we would become used to talking about sex openly and seeing explicit imagery in the class.  If we brought anybody from the outside, they would not  be "desensitized" to the this content and may become distressed.  What a titillating hook!  That made me want to attend class even more.  It was a great class where I learned more about human sexuality than the rest of life could teach me.  We always joked that the lectures were good, but the labs were the best!

The drugs course was a tough class.  We had to learn about the different classifications, uses, and outcomes of using drugs.  Twenty-one years later, I think I've forgotten most of that stuff, which is funny since I work for a drug company.  The main lesson I learned was something the professor stated on the first overhead transparency (pre-Power Point days).

Drugs are neither good or bad, it is how we use them that are good or bad.

The Blessed Ludivica Albertoni 1 - Classic Porn?

All pharmaceutical companies have to monitor the safety of their products.  Every drug has side effects and issues.  By tracking each adverse event and determining the risk/benefit of the product in a process called pharmacovigilance, we strive to give the patients and their health care providers the best information to make needed decisions.

Risk/benefit is a very gray area.    Here is a fictional, but common scenario, I have cancer that will kill me in 5 months.  If I take drug X, it has shown to increase survival rates by up to three years.  The major side effects are nausea and joint pain.  There is a toxicity issue that if taken more than five years, the drug will cause serious and permanent kidney and liver damage that is probably fatal.  Those are pretty bad risks, but the probability that I would live past five years is almost nil making the kidney and liver damage issue moot.  As for the nausea and joint pain, I have to decide if the quality of life issues caused by those side effects are worth it to live another few years.   The risk/benefit equation tips toward benefit.

The Blessed Ludivica Albertoni 2 - Detail

Now lets take the same scenario, but make the disease psoriasis.  Psoriasis is a severe disease, but not fatal.  The risk/benefit equation tips toward risk and the drug should not be given.

If we look at risk/benefit for illegal drugs or drugs that can be used for illegal purposes, it gets complicated.  Marijuana has both risks and benefits.  For cancer and AIDS patients, it can help them survive and lessen the symptoms.  For the pot smokers just wanting a great afternoon of watching Threes Company and toking a bowl, the equation is different.  When we look at E, ruffies, heroin, cocaine, crack, vicodin, huffing glue, meth, the risk/benefit equation heavily tilts toward risk.


Good/Bad, Risk/Benefit as related to porn usage.

In Dr. L's post, she mentions that serial killer Ted Bundy blamed porn as the cause of his crimes.  Whether his statement is true and how true it is, his usage suggests a bad use for porn.  I doubt that porn made him do it, but I can't rule out that it had an influence.  With his case, my assessment is bad use, heavy risk.

Many men in committed relationships view porn.  For some it is just a quick tension release and doesn't affect relations with their partners and family.  It is similar to enjoying a beer after a day's work and relaxing.  In that case I would assess it as good use, good benefits.

Stirred 2 (still baffled why you would need wifi at a brothel)

Many men in committed relationships view porn for hours, masturbating with it daily or even more frequently.  They would rather do that than have sex with their significant others.  There could be many reasons they are not seeking their partner (partner is not interested or is unable to have sex, emotional issues, etc.).  If this use of porn is leading to problems and addictions, I assess it as bad use, risky.

Those are enough scenarios, you can look at how it can help couples explore and have more fun or how it leads people into riskier activities in search of the next hot stimulating thing.  All of them are on that good/bad, risk/benefit scale.

So, which is it for you?  Do you abstain from using it?  Are you a recovering addict?  Are you a recreational user?  Do you use it to improve a healthy sex life?


Side not that is barely related to the topic.
My city of 135K+ souls has only two bookstores, both "adult" and neither really have any books in them.  We have Pier One Imports, Best Buy, Home Depot, Petco, Costco, Target, Walmart, Olive Garden, and sales lots for every major car manufacturer, except Ford.  Makes me wonder what our community really thinks is important to consume.  Literature is not on the list.

Whats it Matter

 Uscita and the woman in red 

Rome Underground

I was watching an episode of the TNT show, Men of a Certain Age.  It is a pretty good drama about three middle-aged guys.  Two characters were discussing fate and an interesting line came up, "For what its worth, in 100 years, there will be all new people."

I hadn't thought of that.  In one hundred years, everybody alive now will probably be gone.  I know I will be gone too.  In 100 years, I don't think people will discuss me, pontificate on me, or even remember me.  I am not being sad or mid-life crisis depressed.  I actually find this kind of liberating.

I can do what I want.  It will not change the world.  If I can make myself satisfied with who I am and what I do, then that is enough.  Everything else is frosting.

 The Coliseum Stop

Rome Underground

When Not in Rome...

Dali and Nirvana - 020110

I am back from Rome and am still digesting the food and the experiences . I am sure it will stay with me for a while. Along the way, I had a great idea for a photo series and am working on the planning for it. Sadly, it wont have nudity.

Candace 021010

Jet lag reared its head on the way back and cost me dearly. Somewhere along the trek home, I lost my diary/idea notebook that I kept in the breast pocket of my jacket. I've carried that with me everywhere for the past two years and had almost filled it. In Rome I bought the next one I would use when I filled that one. Now the first is gone and I've had to prematurely start the second. A good many of the posts on this blog were ideas captured in that book. It is either on one of the Lufthansa flights I took or in the Munich airport. I hope whoever finds it at least looks in the envelope taped in the back. It had $40 US in it that I had stored there for my taxi cab ride on my return. I would hate for the money to go to waste along with two years of reflections on life, art, art museums, travels around Europe and the US, and little things collected along the way. Maybe having a clean slate is a good thing, but I lost many great references and memories stored in that book. The trip was worth it and I love the city and experience, even though the loss of that book really hurts.

Mollee 020110

I am back at work and am waiting for the residual jet lag to hit this afternoon. I am sure I will have more to write about and images to share over the next few days.

Ciao Bella Roma

Women in Advertisements 2

I missed posting yesterday due to work. After a full day of meetings, we went on a bus tour of the city and then dinner and bar hopping. I got to bed at 2:30 and had to get up at 7am for meetings. Yesterday was a bust for exploring and seeing things on my own.

Generations of the Fiat 500

Today was a new day. After my morning meetings, I slept off my night of multiple over indulgences and headed out to the Trastevere area. It is across the Tiber river and is not the posh, idyllic beauty of the Centro Storico. It is grittier, dirtier, and has graffiti on the walls. It has tight, dark walkways that spill out into beautiful small plazas. The people are not the wealthy, but they have a bohemian grit that drives the pulse of the area. I found many small art galleries, book stores and great little eateries. All of this was accompanied by the soft tap, tap, tap percussion of the rain on my umbrella. At times I felt like my umbrella became a permanent attachment to my body.

Feels Like Telegraph in Berkeley, but With Fur

My goal for this neighborhood was to get a feel for that lifestyle and also to see a recommended Bernini sculpture called The Blessed Ludovica Albertoni (1674) in the Chiesa Di San Francesco a Rippa I had heard that it could compete in sensuality with The Ecstacy of St. Teresa that I saw a few days ago. For me, it does.

The Ecstasy of St. Teresa on a Rainy Day

When I saw The Ecstacy, I thought I was watching a romantic sensual climax. Ludovica Albertoni made me feel like I was peeking into her room as she was having a beautiful private moment. It was quiet, dark, and full of mood. My photos' quality is crap, but I hope you can see some of the erotic detail from them. I also found a photo by Susan Sanders that is much better.

Too Grainy, Too Shaky, but it Wasn't Her Fault

The Blessed Ludovica Albertoni
Susan Sanders

After doing a little research, I found out the history of Ludovica Albertoni. Here is a brief excerpt from Wikipedia.

She is also known as Louisa Albertoni; Ludovica Albertoni Cetera. She was born to a wealthy and prominent family, and married to Giacomo de Citara. She was the mother of three, but was widowed in 1506. As a Franciscan tertiary, she spent her fortune and ruined her health in caring for the poor. She was renowned for her religious ecstasies, and became known as a miracle worker, and, according to accounts, had the gift of levitation.

Ludovica is best known for the famous sculpture by Gian Lorenzo Bernini housed in the church of San Francesco a Ripa in Rome. The recumbent statue captures Blessed Ludovica in her death throes, portraying her as suffering but also in the light of her religious ecstasies as she awaits union with God. It is believed that she experienced a special nuptial union with Christ as portrayed in Bernini's work.

So, Bernini was trying to capture "her death throes, portraying her as suffering but also in the light of her religious ecstasies". He sure liked to capture lots of ecstasies. It makes me think of a French term for orgasm, Le petite mort, of the little death. I've already written about this little death before so no need to expand here. It does look like that is what she is enjoying as well.

Mort or Le Petite Mort?

Along the way, I found another church and saw a small relief sculpture that had a surprise for me. It looks like another woman in ecstasy. The Catholics of Rome sure did like their woman to be in ecstasy in art. I enjoy these pieces today and feel that it can be art to see someone as they are in that moment of le petite mort.

Good Times

Sadly, I have to say "Ciao" to the this magic city tomorrow morning. I am ready to go and look forward to going home, but I know I need to return here. The gelato is addicting and the city is now an itch that can never be scratched away.

I Was Tying My Shoes When She Asked Me For the Time

Photo Notes - I have more images to edit. Sadly, I only have my old 5mp Nikon with me so the images are not of the technical quality that I prefer. That means no prints, but I still enjoy them.

I think I have a crush on Renata. Here is another one of her campaign posters.

Women in Advertisements 2