What is too far and or too soon? Part 1

Learn Me

Photo by Igor Amelkovich

I recently saw a series of photos showing erotic, sensual romantic love, passionate erotic sex, aggressive controlling sex, and violent domestic abuse with possible rape. Many agreed the content in the last photo illustrated the horrors of domestic violence.

In another venue, I saw someone joking about Michael Jackson's death. That person was chastised by the audience members shouting, "Too soon!"

At what point does culture decide that something is appropriate or has stepped over the line? In the same way, how does culture decide that enough time has passed that we can look at an event more objectively and maybe even with humor?

In a recent photography class, we had an assignment to photograph veterans. During the critique, we all gushed over how stoic, anguished, powerful, heroic, and great each photo was. Some of the subjects were in current service, others older and retired. There were men and women of different races and ages. We all gushed.

At one point the instructor, a Vietnam War veteran, asked, "Is it because of the subject matter that we can not criticize the photos?" He had a point. Were we afraid to criticize the quality of the image, the subject, the composition, and other aspects because we may fear it would reflect our inner beliefs about veterans? Are veterans so revered that we must soften our attitudes out of deference to their sacrifice and service?

Their was an episode of Seinfeld where Jerry and his girlfriend could never find time alone. The only time they could was while at a movie. They made out during Schindler's List. The girlfriend's family found out and were disgusted by the lack of respect for the movie. For a show about nothing, they brought up an interesting point about freedom of thought and speech. Can the holocaust, September 11th, or any other tragedy be joked about? If yes, when, how, why, and by whom?

Now, let us talk about sex. What is too far? We know the old statement about porn, "I know it when I see it." Some see erotica and art, others see porn. I may be a freak, but I've seen erotica that was not art and porn that was.

Her Favorite
Photo by Igor Amelkovich

In a relationship, what is defined as right for the couple may be defined as "too much" or "too far" by culture. Which is right? At what point is bondage abusive? What if I put a blindfold on my lover and then kissed, massaged, tickled, and pleasured her with my mouth? What if I did that same thing but she was blind folded and softly tied up with silk bows? What if I pinned her arms under my hands? What if they were leather straps? What if I was pinching? What if she wanted and desired this? At what point does the transfer of power in a relationship, sexual or not, constitute abuse? Let us ask the same questions if the roles were reversed and I was the submissive one? Is it OK if the submissive is male?

Kinbaku
Photo by L0chai

This then brings up the question, why does the submissive partner want to be treated like this? What is his/her history? If their was prior abuse, does that make it absolutely wrong to act on it? If there was no abuse, just curiosity and desire, does that make it right?

Let us look at the roles of the stripper and the client. Men going to a strip club are seen as "dogs" at the worst and "shallow" at the least. Bachelor parties with strippers are looked down upon, but are understood as a "traditional objectification of women" right of passage. Married guys going once, or continually to strip clubs are leches and unfaithful.

How about the reverse? What are the perceptions of women seeing male strippers? How about the bachelorette party? Married women going to see the Chippendale dancers? Some say it is wrong and disgusting. Others celebrate that women can finally celebrate their sexuality and desires. It brings equality to the misogynistic history of the men going to see strippers. At that point though, isn't it misanthropic?

Restrained
Photo by D Photos

I am a libertarian on most of these issues. What floats your equally accepted and desired boats is your business. That is true for most things, but I have to take issue when we delve into the reasons we desire such things. At that point, when is it OK to go too far or when is it too soon or soon enough to go into taboo areas?

Up Time
Photo by Dee Selaris

I've posted a gamut of photos here, one mine, most not. Some may seem tame and some may be defined as violent or abusive. At which point did they cross the line? I know I have my own definitions for that line, but how do we as a society decide where to put that line?

That Time
Photo by Karl