Men Take the Light

Sean Connery

Photographer unknown

"You've heard the saying, 'Men take the light'?" my portrait photography instructor asked.

We all looked confused. He then smiled and showed a few glamor photos of male and female models and celebrities.

Danny Glover
Photographer unknown

The first were of Paul Newman both older and younger. Then he showed us Robert Redford, Sean Connery and Brad Pitt. He asked us about the lighting for each.

Paul Newman
Photographer unknown

Paul Newman
Photographer unknown

There was usually one strong light source that was angular, and maybe a fill light or reflector. We also noticed darker shadows emphasizing the contours of their faces.

Robert Redford
Photographer unknown

We then looked at photos of Marilyn Monroe by Richard Avedon followed by the iconic Farrah Fawcett bikini photo. We ended with photos of Angelina Jolie. He repeated his question about the lighting.

Marilyn Monroe
Photo by Richard Avedon

The lighting was subdued and diffused, less angular and more fill lighting from multiple sides. This was true for almost all of the glamor photos for women.

Marilyn Monroe
Photo by Richard Avedon

Six years ago I took a photo of my friend Melinda. She is a very sexy beautiful forty something with long red hair. I photographed her in her living room by the big window with my new Hasselblad. When I got the photos back, she looked beautiful because they showed the life in her eyes. She looked at them and was disappointed. "I guess I look that old."

Men can take the light.

Men are allowed to age and show wisdom and sexiness through their aged faces. When you looked into Paul Newman's eye, you saw a handsome man, no matter how old or how wrinkled he was. The shadows just accentuated his manliness. The same goes for Robert Redford, George Clooney, Denzel Washington, and many other handsome men.

Brad Pitt
Photographer unknown

Women are not allowed to show their age. Glamor photographers use softening techniques like light diffusers, softening lenses, editing changes, and other tricks to make the women look younger. I have never erased wrinkles, although I have hidden pimples and razor burn a few times. Through all this trickery, we get a silly ideal that all beautiful women look 22 and have absolutely perfect skin. Sadly then, so many women go under the knife and then inject botulism into their faces to keep their youth.

Robert Redford
Photographer unknown

I think Robert Redford is still handsome. Yes, he has wrinkles and sun spots, yet when you look in his eyes, you still see that boy spirit brimming with life. I am saddened that I can only think of a few beautiful older female celebrities that are proud of their age and are sexy as hell, Helen Mirren, Sophia Loren and maybe Madonna. Mirren, 64, still performs nude in some of her movies where she is amazingly sexual and sexy. Sadly though, most female models and celebrities are not allowed to age, so they are forgotten.

Helen Mirren
Photographer Unknown

UL and Mrs. break this trend by celebrating their age, wisdom, beauty, and sexual attractiveness. When I look at them, I know I am not looking at a twenty year old starlet, I am looking at sexy women that have twinkles in their eyes from erotic histories that makes them even sexier.

Angelina Jolie
Photographer unknown

Maybe I should be comforted that I know many beautiful older women who are not shunned by celebrity and live among us common folk. They look beautiful whether in soft or harsh light. Sadly popular culture does not see it.

Monica Bellucci
Photographer unknown

Monica Bellucci
Photographer unknown

I understand we all want to look good for our portraits. I don't like photos of myself because I've found few people take good ones. Maybe this is the reason I don't like doing formal portrait photography. I love creating honest beauty from the person. Unfortunately, it all goes back to what a female photography instructor said to us, "It is easy to get a pleasing picture of a cute young woman."

So, in this age of celebrity and youth obsession, remember this... "men take the light."

Angelina Jolie
Photographer unknown

Photo note: I found this sexy photo of Angelina Jolie where she is in harsh light. Good for her and the photographer.

Please also take a moment and look at the quality of lighting for all these photos.

Halle Berry
Photographer unknown

Helen Mirren
Photographer unknown and probably is paparazzi, but Helen looks stunning.

What is Your Intent?

Candace 082609-1A
Photo by SB

I am taking a portrait photography course this semester. I am not into photographing formal portraits, but the concepts of staging, lighting, preparation, and other aspects of them are very important to me.

On Monday we covered the basic questions I need to answer at the beginning of a project. Here they are:

1. Intent/Concept - What is the intent or concept of the project? What is the message I am striving for? What is the purpose of the shoot?

2. Execution/Technique - How am I going to do this? Is it formal, informal or candid? Do I need special lighting or props? Am I experienced with these techniques and equipment or do I need practice? What materials do I need to prepare before this shoot? Logistics? Budget?

3. Application/Impact - How am I going to use these photos? Are they for commercial, artistic, developmental, personal use? How will I exhibit, promote, and/or distribute my work?

4. Critique/Feedback - Am I going to seek feedback on this project? How will I get it and who from? What information do I seek?

After going through these in class, I thought about my own process. I often plan these aspects before the photoshoot, but in a haphazard and sometimes improvised way. I hope by planning things better, my work will be tighter and more defined when I am on a project.

Now, I also believe that sometimes it is better to throw out the plans and to go with instinct and the moment. I like doing that with all parts of my life.

Tomorrow - "Men take the light."

Candace 082609-1
Photo by SB

Big Changes

Photo by Patrick Barta

I just read a story that Samoa is going to change the direction of traffic on its roads to match the UK system of driving on the left. Many Samoans are protesting and fear the accidents once the change comes about.

I've driven in England, Northern Ireland, and Ireland. It took me awhile to get somewhat comfortable with driving on the left side of the road from the right side of the car, shifting with my left hand. Every morning I had to remember to keep left as I started out. Thankfully, there was a sticker on the dashboard that reflected an arrow pointing left onto the windshield in front of the driver. I enjoyed the change, except when I was lost in Dublin and frustration grew and driving skills diminished.

This was a huge change to a core instinct. I knew I had to adapt because I was visiting a country where this was the norm, the tradition, and part of the culture. I now wonder how it would be if we had to make a similar change to Samoa.

Imagine if you had to make a change to something so basic and instinctual in your daily life. How would you feel about the change? How would you feel about those that pushed the change upon you?

I think some of us would transition with ease while others would struggle for many reasons. Maybe acceptance and transitions come through flexibility.

In a recent comment on a blog, the writer mentioned showing his old Sony Walkman from 1980 to his 13 year old son and his son could not believe that "it was credible piece of technology." Compared to an iPod, the Walkman is pretty crude.

I am in the process of going digital. Before 2008, all my serious photography was captured on film in my Nikon SLR or my Hasselbad. I mainly shot black and white, developed and printed it myself. Now I use my Nikon DSLR and have not touched film since 2007. I am learning how to use Adobe Lightroom and hope to learn Photoshop as well.

This change from film to digital is a core change for me. I miss the smells, sights and sounds of my darkroom. I love the detail my Hasselblad captures and the prints I made from it. Those things are part of my core photographic soul.

Now, I am enjoying the speed and efficiencies gained through digital work. Once I get a photo edited to my liking, I can make one print as easily as a thousand prints. That was not easily done with film. There are many other gains as well.

I am not sure if I will go back to film. I think I will use it again though because it is the most sensual form of photography since it is analog and tactile. As for driving on the left side of the road, I would rather not.

How the Mighty...

Arnold Schwarzenegger Smoking Manly Cigar
Photograph by Annie Leibovitz

I just read that Annie Leibovitz is $24,000,000 in debt and may lose her photos if she can't pay her creditors. Ouch. I really like her work.

Annie Bio

Story about Annie's financial woes.

The photo above is one of my favorites of hers. For better and for worse, he is my governor. I think she captured his essence in this photo.

Dark Desires

Lines to Her Heart
Photo by SB

Satisfying dark desires is sin & yet frees me; denying them infects my soul. - JP Sartre

Some Christian sects thrive on sin. If they did not have it to battle, they would have nothing to feel superior about and would have to take up new passions. Other Christian sects will accept anybody and love them unconditionally, except they despise the holy rollers I mentioned first. Many Christian sects are in between.

I am personally struggling with my own faith. I feel the same as Sartre. "Denying them (dark desires) infects my soul." I also don't know what to believe in anymore as something to have faith in.

Even though I use the term, "struggling", I am not torn apart by it. According to many Christians' definitions of sin, I've sinned by my actions, my art, my desires, and my needs. I am trying to take a new look at them. I feel I have sinned with my art and my actions, but with sin being defined in a different way.

To me, a sin is when I hurt someone or something for my own pleasure, hedonistic need or vengeance. I am not going to add God and sin into this at all.

I kept much of my nude photography secret from people very close to me. I felt they would judge me as a deviant. I was wrong to do this. When it came out, these people were hurt that I did not trust them enough to be able to handle my work. They were upset that I didn't want them to celebrate my art with them. I felt guilt over not trusting their love for me and who I am.

Satisfying dark desires is sin & yet frees me; denying them infects my soul. - JP Sartre

I think true sin comes when we try to suppress dark desires and not confront them. My dark desires are not the sexual ones. They are the ones for seeking vengeance, hatred, despondency, and other truly dark things. Denying them by not recognizing I have them and determining why I feel them, truly infects my soul.

It is easy to sweep dark desires under the rug. That is part of my family's methods of dealing with dark desires, we suppressed them. I am learning now that I can't do that anymore. I need to recognize them and find ways to move on. This may mean seeking justice instead of vengeance, seeking and giving forgiveness if it is needed, and to examine my true motives for feeling dark desires.

These introspective looks usually find one root cause, envy. Sometimes envy is a useful tool for survival, but many times it is a destructive weapon. One thing I am working on is to change envy into desire, and then decide if what I desire is really something I need. Most of the time the answer is "no," but sometimes the answer is "yes."

One of the advantages of being forty is my ability to look back and see what I have learned during my time in existence. As I hit the fast times, that age where 1990 seemed like yesterday, but it is now 2009, I accumulated life experiences. Some of these were: happy ones, successful ones, failures, heartbreak, death, new love, craziness, desperation, erotic, elation, exclusion, inclusion, salvation, and depravity.

Through all of those experiences, I find it harder to judge people. While my personal faith in a higher power is at best a dim bulb in the sky, I appreciate what Jesus said when he spoke to a crowd that wanted to stone a woman to death for adultery.

So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. ^"8 And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. ⁹ And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. ¹⁰ When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? ¹¹ She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

John 8:7-11 (King James Version)

It is interesting that Jesus made every person evaluate their own sinfulness before casting judgment on the woman. If Jesus was without sin, why didn't he condemn her? That right there makes me believe Jesus was more human than divine.

I am not sure if I can classify what I have done as sins, but I know I have done wrong and also suffered from others who have wronged me. I have hurt people intentionally and accidentally. I have done things that I am proud of and other things that I feel sorry and shame for. I can not easily judge absolutely upon others because I know why they did it from my own experiences.

Maybe age taught me of the beauty of subtlety. I see shades of gray between the polar opposites I lived in during my idealistic youth. Some things are still absolutely wrong and others are purely right. While it is easy to differentiate those, we all spend most of our days in the gray existence of subtlety.

Bizarre Searches

I haven't checked my blog's performance on Google Analytics in a while. After seeing a few stats, I decided to see what are some search terms that lead readers to this blog. There were 203 unique searches leading to my blog. Many make sense. Here are some of the funny ones, the awkward ones, and even a scary one or two and my comments on them.

• Sensual Experiment Help ( I like that one... count me in for that experiment!)
• Model Mayhem See Through (See through what??? Ohh that "See through!")
• The avatar sexiness model mayhem (no comment)
• Sensual (pretty happy that one worked for someone to find my blog!)
• "how people look at art" ( I ask that question all the time)
• Private music of wicked words ( I want to hear that song)
• Anne Geddes (arghh.. my photographic nemesis!)
• Asian Massage (oh yeah... I forgot about that post)
• awesome short film paris car speeding (great movie!)
• becoming a masochist (that one hurt!)
• body painting men think 7 seconds (umm.. no clue on that one)
• crotch shot in hamlet 2 (so absurd it is funny)
• how to trigger sensual feelings from a memory (I want to write a post about that!)
• masturbate 2257 (2257 is not sexy to masturbate to)
• obsessed with sex (yes)
• pubic hair resurgence (DR.L WE ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE!!)
• sensual gay black and white photos (I would take them and post them here!)
• sensual intercourse pictures (I would take them too!)
• sensual poems he fucks me (not too sensual)
• sensual scraps (very intriguing idea!)
• sensual zen in washington dc (it was a good trip)
• slow sensuous sex movies (interesting idea... maybe not porn.. would be great to see!)
  
• threesomesmmf (heh... none of that here)
• when a partner says, "I ache" (never thought to do a search on that)
• "8th grade" "d cups" (that one creeps me out and is pretty fucked up.)
  

Anyway... interesting searches.

I need to get this type of divorce too!

The Break Up
Uploaded by geertdesager. -

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A New Type of Censorship - Personal Intimidation

My friend UL over at What We Saw Today shared a traumatic story about being stalked and threatened on the Deviant Art website. Please read her post to get the full back story.

Many of us have shared our fears and concerns about legal and corporate censorship of our art. We've mentioned the slippery slope (sorry for the cliche) of censorship and where it can lead to. During those writings, I never thought of a new type of censorship that became apparent in UL's post - personal threats and intimidation.

After reading about the stalker that threatened UL physically, I have now seen the most personally damaging form of censorship. This is not a government, corporation, or conservative sect going after her, it is a fucked-up individual. This individual could not argue or debate the point logically so she had to resort to violent threats and insults. She made it personal.

As a result of that and the refusal of dA to support its positive members by following its own rules, UL is taking her art down from dA. I don't blame her. I am going to cancel my four-day old membership today ( I have not posted a single photo yet) .

This violent story shows the deep divide that is tearing our culture and country apart. We can no longer civilly debate issues anymore. We have to shout at each other until one submits. You may have seen this during the recent health care town hall meetings where the opposition yells so loud, no debate can come from it. They don't want us to speak. They censor us.

I am proud of my home state of Montana. When the President visited it last week to hold a health care town hall meeting, opposing views were expressed, debate and dialogue were encouraged. Outside, the protesters, both pro and con, were civil. No gun nuts came armed to show their stupidity. My hope out of this is that the extreme fringes will be shown as dangerous ideologues over time as our "not-perfect, but a damn big improvement" President shows what true compromise and respect, though not agreeing, tactics can accomplish.

Sadly though, that is on the national level. So many of the freedoms of art, expression, and thought are being torn apart by individuals who can not tolerate opposing views. I am a progressive libertarian. I believe gun owner's have a right to own firearms, yet we need gun regulations. I am pro-choice, but I respect pro-life advocates who believe in the sanctity of life and are opposed to the death penalty as well. I have some issues that are absolutes for me and will not budge on them, but I will not go and shout someone down or violentlythreaten those opposing me over these issues.

Dr. L. I have two messages for you. First, both you and your art are important, timely, beautiful, erotic, relevant,sexy and needed in these dark times. Second, keep doing it and screw the narrow-minded fuck-ups that have shown their lack of honor and credibility. You are above them.

Prerequisites and Post Modernity

Dunes Oceano, 1936
Edward Weston

Below is a comment by UL in her blog's post on Defining Art and Erotica. What Dr. L says about the "prerequisite" pretty much summarizes one of the core philosophies of the Post Modern movement.

I am going to say something that will be very dangerous because it will affront some - but we should just assume technical greatness as a PREREQUISITE for great photographic art. The technical cannot in and of itself create great art. The great art comes from what you talk about, Joe - the ability to evoke a reaction, an emotion, to SAY something, to resonate, to stay in minds and hearts.

I learned some interesting things from my photography teacher this summer. We were looking at photos in SF MOMA of the contrast between life in southern Spain and just across the Straits of Gibraltar in northern Africa. She asked me what I thought of them. Having spent time in that part of Spain, I appreciated seeing the life of it again. She then asked, "How about the technical aspects?"

I hemmed and hawed because I did not want to say, "Overexposed, poorly printed and the colors are kind of flat. They look like snapshots." I thought that if it was in a museum, it must be good and my impressions must be wrong. I told her a mild version, something like, "I don't get why he overexposed the photos and printed them like this."

"Because his technique is bad." was her reply.

"Maybe the message of the photos is more important than the quality of the print." I said.

She looked at the photo once more and nodded. "He does convey the message well. That is what makes it post modern." she responded before we went to the next photo.

Beth, my instructor, is an amazing woman. She is a brilliant photographer with an amazing artistic sense of capturing the quietness of scenes so that you can feel it. Her photos are post-modern. She also knows art and art history. I guess that is why she is teaching Art and Photography.

I learned two key things from her that day. First, one of the major philosophical differences between modern and post modern art. Second, it is OK to be critical of work in a museum.

Wall Street, 1915
Paul Strand

Through Ansel Adams, Paul Strand, Edward Weston, Imogen Cunningham, Ruth Bernhard, and many other masters of the photographic Modern movement, we learned of the true art of technical greatness to create amazing beauty. Look at their works. The technical aspects of contrast, composition, print quality and many other areas defined what an art print should strive for. They created art to capture the beauty of the subject without using the painting art techniques of the earlier Pictorialist photographers. These men and women pioneered the fine art print.

Drug Store, Detroit
Photo by Robert Frank

The post modernists though felt the subject of the photo is more important than the print. Robert Frank's prints were very good, but a bit rough compared to those before him. He cared about the people he photographed and wanted to tell their story as art. His book, The Americans, is considered by some to be the last Modern Art book, by others as the first major Post-Modern Art book, and by yet others as the bridge between the two. Follow this link for my in-depth look into Frank's work.

Andy Warhol believed there were enough photos out there. Why create more? Take an existing one and make it say something new about the subject.

Unknown Warhol Piece at the New York Museum of Modern Art
Photo by SB

In every lower-level photography class or workshop I've attended, there is always one of them. The student that has a beat up simple camera, usually with a light leak. They can barely afford paper to print on so they do not make many test strips or trial prints. When they are done and present their photos for critique, you can easily see the haste and thriftiness of their technique is evident. That doesn't matter. The photo they took is art and speaks to your soul. As Dr. L said, "the ability to evoke a reaction, an emotion, to SAY something, to resonate, to stay in minds and hearts." They did that.

I agree with Dr. L that in today's art world, mastery of technique is expected. I strive for print quality and try to implement good composition, appropriate contrast, and other artistic components to my photos. I feel for my art technical quality is a mandatory part or its success.

On the other hand, sometimes technical quality is not needed. It is "the ability to evoke a reaction, an emotion, to SAY something..." that makes it art. It is the soul of the image that makes it art, not necessarily the technique.

"... the ability to evoke a reaction, an emotion, to SAY something, to resonate, to stay in minds and hearts." I think that is one of the things that separates erotic art photos from porn. I will write more on that another time.

PHOTO NOTES - Paul Strand's Wall Street gives me goose bumps when I see it. It is amazingly beautiful and powerful to me. Edward Weston's Dunes Oceano shows his mastery of finding human contours in nature. Have you ever seen as sexy and sumptuous sand in your life??

The Photographic Chasms - Parts 1 and 2

Ying and Yang

Photo by SB

PART 1 Aug 10th

In recent posts, Stephen Haynes asked deep questions about his recent photo shoot and the role the photographer plays in it. As I read it, I am getting depressed about my own photography.

Fire Dancer 2
Photo by SB

When I photograph something, I am separating myself from the subject. I am the first viewer. I am recording the moment, but am not necessarily part of it. The more intense the photo, more I am

separated by the chasm between subject and photographer. Think of it this way, if I am setting up each pose and all the props in a photo, I am very involved with the content and the photo (see Ying and Yang). If I am recording a moving moment of independent minds, whether it be a fighter jet (see Poetry), a fire dancer (see Fire Dancer2), or two lovers together (see A Taste), I am very detached from the content other than to try to capture it.

Poetry

Photo by SB

A Taste
Leila and Hana - Photo by SB

While reading Stephen's questions about the photographer's role, I felt nauseous. I do not blame him at all for this. He is forcing me to look at myself in a deep way that terrifies me of my own motivations. Am I truly creating art or am I intruding on something very private and so personal? Am I trying to satiate something deep in me that is not for the sake of photography, but to just get a thrill. This is throwing me into a creative war with my own intentions as both an artist and human with sexual, emotional, and physical needs.

PART 2 August 12th

The emotional hurt I felt on the 10th surprised me and made me look deep into why I photograph what I do. What was my motivation for capturing the images I did? Are they true to art, erotica, and honor the subject appropriately?

My fear and anguish was discovering that there is a part of me that did get an ethereal erotic pleasure from photographing Leila and Hana and every other model who I've worked with. Even though I felt little or no arousal during the photo sessions, I felt it while planning and printing/editing the images. Was I only creating my own masturbatory materials and needing to add a new experience notch to my life belt?

After some deep introspection on this and reading Stephen and Dr. L's posts on the subject and all the comments to their writings, I am finding some answers for myself. They are not easy to accept yet, but they are becoming clearer.

Is it acceptable for me, the photographer, to have self-serving interests at a prurient level? If "yes," can it still be art and are the motives debasing the value of the work or adding to it? These two questions summarize what I need to answer. I will return to these later.

Part of the reason I am struggling so deeply with these answers was due to my own lust at the moment. What is funny, it wasn't a sexual lust. It was a lust to photograph and to release my creativity.

I have not lifted my camera since my photo class ended a few weeks ago. I haven't edited any photos. I thought I needed a break before my next class started. When I saw Stephen's photos of Brooke and Erin, I felt the deep emotions of lust, artistic respect, artistic jealousy, disdain for my work, and a loss as I felt left behind as others moved on. I also felt some personal pain due to the subject of the photo that is my own personal issue and not a judgment on the content.

Variations on a Photo - The Garage Studio

Photo by SB

Yesterday I was mulling over these emotions and decided to work on my recent photos of Candace. Within a second of my first action on one image, an hour went by. I felt something had changed so I quickly went to Stephen's blog again and reread it and viewed the photos. My answers were clearer, his photos inspired me, and I knew I had discovered something about myself. I need to continually work on my art or I get pent up anxiety for the creative release. Abstaining from art is as difficult and damaging for me as abstaining from sex.

Variations on a Photo - Landscape from a Portrait

Photo by SB

So, what are the answers to those questions from above? They are not fully answered yet and they may change and evolve as I do, but here are my responses for now.

Is it acceptable for me, the photographer, to have self-serving interests at a prurient level? YES

If "yes," can it still be art and are the motives debasing the value of the work or adding to it? As I mentioned in a comment on Stephen’s blog…

The beauty of it (erotic sappho photos) is art, erotica, and all of the other characteristics you mentioned. It can also be pornographic, exploitative, and both objectifying and degrading to the subjects. For me, what determines the outcome is largely due to the intent of all of the participants; photographer, models, and the viewer.

If my motive is purely for my own sexual satisfaction, my product is probably not art. Dr. L. put it best in her blog yesterday when she quoted from Kenneth Clark's The Nude. The quote is his answer to whetherart can have an erotic message in it and still be art.

Clark definitively says: "...no nude, however abstract, should fail to arouse in the spectator some vestige of erotic feeling, even though it be only the faintest shadow - and if it does not do so, it is bad art and false morals. The desire to grasp and be united with another human body is so fundamental a part of our nature that our judgment of what is known as 'pure form' is inevitably influenced by it; and one of the difficulties of the nude as a subject for art is that these instincts cannot lie hidden... the amount of erotic content a work of art can hold in solution is very high.”

Variations on a Photo - Still Not There

Photo by SB

Artists must feel the emotions they are trying to communicate through their art. If I am going to make art showing the oppression of religious freedom, I need to feel anger and seek justice through my work for it to be genuine and powerful. To make art that has erotic content, I must feel the erotic emotions and feelings I want to convey in the piece. In this way, I am giving my art some authenticity in its message. If the photo did not make me feel and react, then what is the point? My job as an artist is to use my vision and the beautiful contributions of the models and/or subjects to make the photo rise to becoming art.

PHOTO NOTE: Ying and Yang - I know for this to be true to the title one of the models needs to be black or a man, or a black man. That was one of the first critiques I got on this photo when I posted it online at a photo forum. This is one of my favorite photos I have taken. I don't brag about my work often and will let it speak for itself. This photo is art to me. Whenever I post it online, this photo gets more comments than the more explicit photos of Hanna and Leila. Just curious, on the erotic scale of 1 (none) to 10 (get me a cigarette) how would you rate it? I give it a 3.

So, if you have a better name for it than Ying and Yang, I am open to it. I offered that at another site and someone suggested Ying and Yank... I don't think he got the artistic point.

Photos of Men

Here are photos of topless men from the Magnum Archives..


http://todayspictures.slate.com/20090811/

Today, I Finally Understood Forty

Begin the Burn - Burning Man '05
Photo by SB

Time is never time at all
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth
And our lives are forever changed
We will never be the same
The more you change the less you feel.

Every workday morning I get up, shower, shave if needed, dress, let out the dogs, say my goodbye and drive to the bus stop. I board the company bus that takes me the forty-two miles through the East Bay, over the Bay Bridge, through SF on 80 and 101 and south to work by the airport. Most mornings I sleep. Today I watched the view and the guy sitting in front of me.

Tommy, a made up name, seemed to be new to the bus and was on it because he had to take a class at the main campus. He is a young big guy right out of college. He was commenting on everything from the bumpy roads to a cutie at a bus stop to the ferries crossing the bay to his seat mate. Tommy really annoyed me. I enjoy my quiet time in the morning and I didn't need the mile-by-mile description of my commute I have lived with for ten years.

I got out my iPod and started listening to the Smashing Pumpkins, Tonight, Tonight, and tried to tune him out. Why was Tommy so bothersome? Hadn't he been on a bus before going to work? Why was it shocking so many people rode the bus?

I looked out the window and noticed a big giant crane on a barge had been moved to the new Bay Bridge construction project. My mind instantly started wondering what it would lift and how much could it move. It was really exciting to see it. My mind's observations sounded like Tommy's.

At that moment I finally made a personal connection to something Dr. L commented on in my recent post, Me at 40. Here are her pearls she shared.

... I also remember turning 40 and finding it quite a satisfying place in my life. Even at the time I realized it was pivotal - that I was entering a new and improved phase of life. Foolish youth was over, and I was feeling the tint of wisdom in the way I was learning to live. I married the love of my life at age 40 and spend the intervening years in times as turbulent as any before them but finding myself better equipped to deal with come-what-may. And a lot came my way, believe me!

Be joyous at this time. It is the flip side of the A record - the B side - and B is Better.

I taught second grade for a while and was amazed how things I'd known so deeply were completely new to the kids. The sun is the center of the solar system. The capital of Montana is Helena. The question mark is used at the end of a question... which then meant teaching the different types of sentences.

Tommy was me a couple of decades ago. He was experiencing all this stuff for the first time and relishing the new experiences that are forming him. For a few miles I felt a loss of my youth that I did not have that innocence anymore. Then I reflected on Dr. L's words.

Foolish youth was over, and I was feeling the tint of wisdom in the way I was learning to live.

For the past few years I've undervalued my life experience. I thought the young had all the innovative creative ideas and were better than me for it. The older people had a wisdom that I greatly respected and were better than me for it.

Today, I realized that I am at a powerful intersection of my life. I have experience, passion, love, lust, ambition, desires and other powerful feelings and have the means to do something about them. I am not all-wise and a sage, but I have lived through a lot of life and need to honor what I have gained and lost over that part of the voyage.

So, thank you Tommy. I really hope you continue to notice everything around you because it will be part of who you are. Thank you Dr. L. for teaching me the value of where I've been does not doom me for the remainder of my life, but prepares me for the adventures I am going to have to survive and thrive through.

Ok.. enough of my carpe diem writing. Maybe tomorrow I will have an anguish and tortured mid-life post to share. As for today, I am going to celebrate what I have done and figure out how to do those things I still need to do.


I just watched this video for the first time in over a decade. It is lush with visuals of the old silent movies.
Tonight, Tonight
The Smashing Pumpkins

Time is never time at all
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth
And our lives are forever changed
We will never be the same
The more you change the less you feel

Believe, believe in me, believe
Believe that life can change
That youre not stuck in vain
Were not the same, were different tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tonight

And you know youre never sure
But youre sure you could be right
If you held yourself up to the light
And the embers never fade in your city by the lake
The place where you were born

Believe, believe in me, believe
Believe in the resolute urgency of now
And if you believe theres not a chance tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tonight

Well crucify the insincere tonight
Well make things right, well feel it all tonight
Well find a way to offer up the night tonight
The indescribable moments of your life tonight
The impossible is possible tonight
Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight

.
PHOTO NOTE - Dr. L shared a sad blog post about how fireworks frighten animals, sometimes to death. Her post made me rethink the annual fireworks traditions.

This fireworks/big fire from Burning Man had no such affect since non-human animals are not allowed at the event. It is held in the middle of a massive dried lake bed, miles away from any plant, animal, or life form. After the event, the organizers must clean the burn area to show no trace that it ever existed and file a report and be inspected by the Bureau of Land Management.

Rock and Wave

Sometimes You Are the Wave. Sometimes You Are the Rock.

Photo by SB

I look at this picture and wonder how it applies to me. Sometimes I feel like the rock. It stands stoically against the Pacific Ocean through the millenia yet getting worn down a few grains per crashing wave. Other times I feel like the wave trying to get around everything to absorb all with in my watery mass of hunger, desire and need. Then other times I feel like the setting sun, just watching all this stuff happen and not really caring since it is so insignificant in the big picture.

The Appeal of Sapphos and Threesomes

Just Two
Photo by SB

In Stephen Hayne's blog, Magic Flute Nudes, he asked what the appeal of lesbian erotic photos is for heterosexual males. I wrote a brief summary of some of the psychological theories I found through a quick internet search on the topic. Here is what I wrote.

Let me dust off my 20 year old psychology degree and try to find a theory about why guys like lesbian erotica. I did a quick internet search for theories on this. Here is a stab at it.

When a guy sees erotic photos of a man and a woman, they can feel intimidated by having a man there. This guy in the photo is competition. It is difficult to feel a part of the scene with another guy there. Only when the photos are closeups and hardcore can most men disassociate the guy and put their own feelings, presence and desires into the photo.

If the photo is of two women, the sense of competition is reduced or eliminated because of a misogynistic impulse to think, "All those women need is a real man, and that is me." The lesbians I know definitely disagree that is "what they need."

This is one of theories I found. There were others though centering on the idea of 3-somes and also being dominated by two women.

I need to think on my own feelings concerning these types of images, since I have made some myself. Maybe that could be a future post.

Good questions. Good photo. Good post.

I believe there are subtle variations and combinations of reasons that are more applicable for an individual's desires. As for mine, they have evolved.

From the beginning of my viewing of erotic, pornographic, artistic, implied lesbian erotica, I found them very arousing. I love looking at the feminine physique and seeing two women together in a sexual presentation was even better. If the content was video, the sounds and movements were even more enticing and arousing. The content did not have to be explicit to make me appreciate it.

A few years back, I enjoyed photographing Leila and Hana together. Their genuine affection for each other made the moment feel real and not so scripted. During the photo shoot, I did not feel like a voyeur since I had a participatory role in it. My role was behind the camera and capturing the event and adding direction as needed. I wasn't just a viewer. Was I aroused during the shoot? Not really. Later that night though I did have some very sensual dreams.

Not long ago, my views of lesbian erotica greatly changed due to a very personal issue between my wife and myself. I am still uncomfortable writing out the full issue here, but if you go through my entire blog you will see I've softly touched on it a number of times and you can get the idea of what happened. Because of this I am torn between being aroused seeing the images, but also feeling emotionally hurt by them.

As I mentioned in the theory comment I put on Stephen's post;

If the photo is of two women, the sense of competition is reduced or eliminated because of a misogynistic impulse to think, "All those women need is a real man, and that is me." The lesbians I know definitely disagree that is "what they need."

This is very true. I recently saw an interesting scene from Showtime's The L Word. A homophobic and deep-in-the-closet older police officer has pulled over one of the main male characters who caught his girlfriend with her lesbian lover. The cop asks why he was speeding and the upset boyfriend tells him the story. The cop offers this.

Sammy is the cop, Tim is the boyfriend in the script.

Sammy: You ever watch pornography?
Tim: Um...
Sammy: You don't have to answer that. We all do. You know, we spend our whole lives watchin' porn. We never see the warning. There it is. You know that scene, where, uh, two women are gettin' it on? Guy comes in, he's all hard, y'know, he's gonna give it to 'em, he's gonna fuck 'em good. We think that's what those chicks want. The meat. That's not it. They're having a good time without him. They're going down on each other, you know, they're, uh... they're up in there, they're licking everything, a guy comes in, he's ready to unload... that's not what they want. They got their eyes squinted up, like, uh... someone's gonna pour gasoline on 'em. There's your warning. (stands up) That's why this country's homosexuals... are so dangerous. (leans back down) When you got two people... they got the same equipment... and they both know how to treat it... how could anybody of the opposite sex compete with that? That's how they get ya. (a beat) You, uh... try to drive the speed limit, okay?
Tim: (a beat) (nods) I will.

I don't agree with Sammy's pessimism or defensive attitudes against homosexual sex as being "so dangerous." The male fantasy to join two lesbians and believing, "..all they need is a real man." is dishonest and false. I don't think there is a part for a third in a threesome or between two lesbians that don't need a man. They are together for each other and a man will not make it complete. I doubt a woman would have much success joining two gay male lovers in the same circumstances either.

A few of my friends have tried the different combinations of threesomes. MMF, FFM, FFF, and MMM. All of them said it was at best a failed experiment and at worst, an end of a relationship. If you throw in the factor of love and someone feeling left out and jealous, then mutually rewarding and beautiful threesomes are only a myth of the porn industry.

For better or worse, the appeal of lesbian erotica and threesomes has greatly diminished or evaporated completely for me. I encourage photographers to photograph these scenes, but I am not sure if I will. I still like looking at the pictures though, but the erotic personal connection to them is both arousing and hurting.


Personal note. This is not a well-argued point. I am just trying to figure out how I feel about this topic. As we all know... feelings and logic are not friends.

PHOTO NOTE. I scanned this on my dusty old scanner. Sorry for the millions of dust spots. I tried to get rid of as many of them as I could.

Me at Forty

My POV of 40

Photo by SB

My final project for the class I just finished was Me at Forty. Here is the little write-up I read before exhibiting my photos for critique.

Men at Forty by Donald Justice

Men at forty
Learn to close softly
The doors to rooms they will not be
Coming back to.

Turning forty can seem cliché to those who have not reached that number. This cliché for men usually involves sports cars, brave athletic heroics, sordid love affairs, and other attempts to recapture youth that has slipped into the middle.

I am trying to live beyond the cliché now that I am forty. I look back at the doors I've closed along the way. I look at where I am now and see new doors open from how I have lived so far. I look to the future and wonder what doors are yet to be discovered.

These photos represent some of the realities I feel at this moment. In ways, they may show me missing my youth or regretting some of my life choices. I prefer to think of them as interpretations of how I exist now. They are my POV or Point-of View of the now.


I RECOMMEND CLICKING ON THE PHOTOS FOR A HIGH-RES VIEW. MANY OF THEM HAVE SUBTLE CONTENT.

Living in Both Worlds
(The Lady in Red)

Photo by SB

Weeds Along My Road

Photo by SB

A Glance into My Views

Photo by SB

A Role Model, Richard Avedon (self-portrait)

Photo by SB

Between Two Americans (Portraits by Richard Avedon)

Photo by SB

The Not-So-Fastrak... in the Passenger's Seat

Photo by SB

Still has a Purpose

Photo by SB

NOTES: I took the photos of the Avedon photos at the SF MOMA. Anyone could take photos, sans flash, at the Avedon exhibition. I am not trying to copy his art, just capture a part of who I see myself as in this stage of my life.

On another note, I am amazed how they placed the photo of César Chávez along side Ronald Reagan. Talk about two very different Americans. Both made their name in California.

I posted an concept test earlier. Click here to view it.