7.31.2009

Artists in their Studios

Kind of in a quiet mood still. I think finishing the class took the wind out of me for a bit. I am looking for my next inspiration while my batteries recharge.

I found this little bit of inspiration from Slate's daily Magnum Photos series. The theme is "Artists in Their Studios." I am often inspired by visiting others' studios. I can feel the energy of the artist by seeing how it is set up, what is splattered, what is neat, and how they capture the light in the room. Sometimes the energy is quiet, other times rambunctious. You can tell a lot about the artist by the studio. Some studios show arrogance while others show despair.

Enjoy the 24 photos. The last one is disturbing when you see the reflections in the window and then what is sitting on top of them. Foreshadowing, I guess.

HERE is the link.

7.29.2009

The Onanistic Self - Part 2 - Right in Time

I meant to include this song with yesterday's post. I could not find it on Youtube, so I made my own movie of it.

This is Lucinda Williams sexiest song. Listen to the single journey she takes through the song.


7.28.2009

The Onanistic Self

Other Thoughts
Photo by SB
First, a poem by Joseph J. Capista


Playboy's Guide to Lingering

We read lingerie as lingering.
An innocent mistake, yes, though
we didn't dally in Patel's humid
newsstand amid hanks of cigared
tobacco and men in coveralls logger-
heading with the Pennsylvania Lotto
to expand our budding tongues
but to confuse the single shelf
of cryptograms and crosswords
with the candied shelves of pornos.
Despite our lousy decoding, we
proved adept disrobers, kid-minds
keen to peel what we'd later call satin
from skin like we peeled bright, waxy
clementines slipped in our stockings,
our reward for a year of skirting Satan.
Nonchalant as bubble gum, we thumbed
them cover to cover, lingered, elbowed
one another while we dittoed each
sweet image deep in memory's folds:
love's coy postures, saddle-stapled.
And that is how we imagined
it would be for us on those winter
afternoons: flimsy resistance, a finger's
steady pressure, the split of soft fruit.
We'd puzzle over language later.
For now, we had more important
things on our hands to misread.


Today, I am going to write about alone time. I mean that type of "alone" time. We all do it. Some of us treat each occurrence as a sensual ceremony. Some treat it with about as much passion as brushing their teeth. Sadly, some feel deep shame about it (side note... they should not feel shame about masturbation, but where they do it and what they are fantasizing about may be another issue).
I can't remember the first time I touched myself in any sensual way. I do remember my first climax from doing it though. I was thirteen and found one of my older brother's Playboys that he didn't take to college. When the climax ended... my life changed. I had never experienced anything so internally powerful, intense, or wonderful. It almost hurt, but I knew I wanted to do it again. There was some deep primal urge to want that. For me, I think that was truly a day I started to become a man and a human.
The physical product of it was a big surprise. In sex education, the teacher had mentioned ejaculate, but just what it contained and that it would happen. In some way, the full mental, soulful, and both body-physical as well as physical relic of the moment made it complete. There is something sensually important about all parts of it, including the cleaning up.

Since that day almost three decades ago, I still desire it. It is the only routine activity in life that I deeply enjoy. Dinner may be a distant second. Sleep is OK when I don't have night terrors. I can't consider intercourse as routine because it depends on participation of another.

For me, the greatest reward is not the end, but the journey. Whether it is fantasy-based, visually inspired, spontaneously enjoyed, shared with another person beside me, or whatever it brings, the build-up is the ultimate pleasure.
Since masturbation is a type of sex, my tastes for it and intercourse are similar. It is all about the journey. I love a long erotic journey as much as I like the quick, intensely passionate sessions.
We all have triggers, stimuli, and needs that make us take this solitary journey. Mine are mostly visual like the things I mentioned in Those Simple Little Things. They include a scent, a memory, a sound, a voice, a setting, or most anything can send me along my way was well. Being a sensual (and/or very horny) guy, it doesn't take much of a trigger. I wonder what are triggers for others.
Some common things that must happen during the session. Even if it is a photo of a stranger that starts the journey, I must have some connection to the person other than that. It could be as simple as a shared glance on the bus, a deep conversation, worked together, ongoing correspondence, and other personal interactions. For this reason, I never had a movie star play a role in the "monent" except one who I met at an event. We shook hands and chatted for fifteen seconds. That was enough.
As mentioned above, alone time does not have to be alone for me. Some of the most intimately deep moments with a person were both of us together doing that. You have to feel very comfortable with the person to share that. I think intercourse is easier and less personal.

7.27.2009

Life Ratios


Vitruvian Man
Leonardo DaVinci


I just heard an interesting NPR story about a new cookbook , Ratio, teaching the basics of cooking through ratios. It does not teach you how to spice or determine flavors. This book teaches how to make the basics by the ratios of simple ingredients. For example: Pie dough - 3-2-1. 3 parts flour, 2 parts butter, 1 part water.

In the story they made a quiche. With the basic ratios, you get a basic quiche. The fun part is now you can experiment with spices, veggies, bacon, mushrooms, whatever you want to put into it. Talk about an interesting concept. I wonder how it applies to life.

So many creative endeavors these days have very precise recipes for how to do them. If you want to paint something, you can get paint by numbers which pinpoints every exact color and placement. If you want to learn music, there are so many detail-heavy guitar and piano learning systems that teach you how to play certain songs.

I wonder if we are getting to discrete in our learning of the arts? In photography, I can find things called "setting up the perfect portrait." and many other techniques that teach a very specific setup. Use your camera on this setting. Set the tripod up like this. Put one light at 45 degrees above and to the side of the subject and then the other on down and to the opposite side. I guess those are good for learning lighting basics, but God, I hate exact methods for taking a photo.

A friend of mine got hired by a photography company to take graduation pics during the local university commencement. They had very tight procedures for exactly how to take the photo. I know they wanted to control the output and to minimize set up time between students, but it took the soul out of the photos. I would have quit after a day.

I celebrate the basic premise of this book. It is very important to learn fundamentals in any endeavor. Through a solid foundation, you can experiment and try new things to make it uniquely yours.

So, what are life's ratios? Are there basic ratios that we can apply and experiment with in our daily living? Would they be too limiting? How about the daily ratio of: 2 parts work, 2 parts sleep, 1 part eating, 1part chores and recreation? What you do during any of those parts is your choice, but overall the ratio is successful.

Another fun one, the perfect date: 2 parts dinner and fine wine or some other activity of choice, 1 part dessert, a pinch of looking into eachothers' eyes, 1 part of listening per person, two pinches of ... pinching, 1 part stroll along a romantic place of choice, 1 part deep kissing, 3 parts foreplay, 2 parts sex, flavor with love and intimacy to taste. Is that too limiting?

I am kind of mocking the life ratios thing, but maybe there are true life ratios that help keep things in balance. I would prefer to live by ratios than recipes. Can you think of any life recipes or ratios?

7.26.2009

Looking for a Lost Photo and Other Bits

Calm and Dark
Photo by SB

A few years ago I saw a photo Ansel Adams took of Edward Weston's wife, Charis, up in the Sierras. I can easily find Weston's photo of her from the same trip, but not Adams'. I've tried every search combination on Google and Bing to no avail.

I think I am going to have to do this the old fashioned way and go to SF MOMA to research it. I hope they have something. I may also call the Ansel Adams gallery to see if they have anything.

At first I was miffed at not finding it. Now it is a fun photo-detective challenge... for a while at least.
Nude in Box
Ruth Bernhard

On other news. I finished my photography class. I feel I did very well. In the last week I may have discovered some deep personal things about my artistic voice. I am still trying to figure all that out and will write about it at some length in the near future. All I can say for now is I love Edward and Brett Weston's and Ruth Bernhard's work, but that is probably not my direction.

Nude, 1920
Edward Weston

I've been reflecting on the 40th anniversary of Neil Armstrong's stroll on the moon. I was a little over four months old and have no recollection of it. In my mind though, it was the greatest thing to happen in 1969.

My first memory of astronauts and the moon was getting a little moon buggy replica in a container of Tang. I played with that little toy forever and vaguely remember my parents telling me the astronauts had driven it on the moon. They even pointed to the moon for emphasis. I don't think I had a clue what they were talking about, but that is my earliest Apollo memory.

Like most kids, I wanted to be an astronaut. My parents said that it was too difficult to get the job and I should make astronomy a hobby and not have my hopes crushed by NASA's fickle choices. They said that about being a musician, artist, photographer, archeologist, paleontologist, fighter pilot and many other now-dead aspirations.... not all of them are dead. Someday I will forgive them for that, but not today.

Nude 175
Brett Weston

Ok, this blog post kind of got heavy at the end. I am always amazed how the rambling ones take unplanned trips to unexpected personal places.

Calm and Bright
Photo by SB

PHOTO NOTE - another from my projected word series. I am playing with exposure on this one. This is not a great photo, but it is fun to play with.

7.24.2009

eCensorship

" "
Photo by SB


I saw something that scared me about the personal ownership and control of printed materials. A few months ago I got the chance to read a few “pages” from a friend’s Kindle. For those who don’t know what a Kindle is, it is a computer screen tablet that you can download books, magazines, newspapers, and other print-based materials. There are some great things about this new technology, but I immediately discovered one problem with it and after reading the SLATE article at this link I found a complete deal breaker. I don’t want a “book” that decides what I can and can’t read.

The first flaw is the lack of color. I want color photos and illustrations. What good would a National Geographic be without the photos? I am sure though this technological hurdle will be over come.

If you read the article, you can see my concern. “They” can determine what I read and how long I can read it. Let’s say I buy an eBook from them. They may treat it more like a rental than ownership. If they want they can say I have rights to it for 10 years, 10 months or whatever they want and then delete it.

What is scarier though is if I bought a book today that became “banned” five years from now. They have a record of its purchase by which they could track to me. You may think this is paranoid, but after the warrant-less wiretapping and other “Patriot” Act bullshit, I have lost the illusion of my privacy.

They could also delete banned books, or books that somebody sued over or wants to make disappear. Once it is deleted it is gone.

When I go to a bookstore and buy a book, it is mine. Short of breaking into my house and destroying it physically, it will exist and be mine. If it becomes suspect or banned, it may still have a chance of surviving.

One last thing I don’t like about the Kindle… the experience. Imagine how the pages felt between your fingers the last time you opened a high-end photo book. Can you feel the quality glossy paper? What about a cheap paper back? Can you feel the rough, cheap paper? Can you smell it? Part of the pleasure of reading is the analog simplicity it offers. Would you rather have sex with a real person or an eSex version with a simulated partner on an electronic device? How about dinner?

I may be a Luddite, but I don’t think so. I have a lot of modern technology. I shoot digital and haven’t touched film for over a year. I am listening to my iPod while typing this on my beloved Apple MacBook Pro. Later tonight I am going to watch a recorded episode of Top Gear and then settle in to watch another episode of the amazing HBO show, Deadwood.

It is not the technology I fear, but the way it can be used to censor and destroy liberty, art, beauty, and most importantly – truth.

PHOTO NOTE: One of the things I worked with Candace on is word art. In future posts you will see more of these things we created. Some are words, others are images that I projected onto her. This will be my new icon photo for censorship. We did this word in one shot... I think she nailed the feeling of it.

7.23.2009

7.22.2009

Most Cleanly Alive


Because only when you fuck is everything that you dislike in life and everything by which you are defeated in life purely, if momentarily, revenged. Only then are you most cleanly alive and most cleanly yourself. It’s not the sex that’s the corruption - it’s the rest.

— Phillip Roth, The Dying Animal


So true. In vino veritas (in wine [there is] the truth). In sex, there is absolution? Can sex be another form of baptism that cleanses our being? If that is true, then I need a really good baptism.

7.21.2009

Playing with Candace

Toward the Light - Original
Photo by SB

One of my greatest pleasures is working with an image and experimenting. I love doing this in the darkroom as well as on a computer. Both analog and digital offer me artistic therapy that my soul needs.

In the darkroom I get the deeply sensual experience of touching the papers, dodging and burning areas with my bare hands and seeing the negative image of the model's beauty on my skin as I create unique art with each print. The disappointment or elation of watching the developer bring the image to consciousness as I slowly agitate for the required time. Then watching the print fix and wash under the soft orange light, hoping it looks even better in the real illumination. By doing this I feel one with the model in a much more intimate and artistic way than when I tripped the shutter. At those times I truly understand what Ansel Adams meant when he said.
The negative is comparable to the composer's score and the print to its performance. Each performance differs in subtle ways.
Toward the Light
BW
Photo by SB

Digital image manipulation is a new art that I am learning and loving. I am nowhere near as proficient with it than I am in a dark room. It has no tactile affections like analog printing. The physical involvement is minimal and mouse clicks are not sensual like using a squeegee to gently caress the print dry.

Toward the Light
SAT
Photo by SB

Using a computer though frees the mind to try things I could never do in the darkroom. Do I want to take the blue out of the background, yet accentuate the model's soft pink lips. I can do a million minor adjustments to make the art truly what I envision it to be. Just thinking about that arouses all parts of soul, body and mind. While I miss the sensual tactile experience, the mental growth is just fine.


Toward the Light
Low SAT
Photo by SB

Do you have any preferences between any of these photos? Do they tell you different stories? Isn't Candice truly beautiful? All my models are and I appreciate them dearly.


Toward the Light
Mod SAT
Photo by SB

7.20.2009

THIRD and Most Important Post - Happy Birthday Any Fucking Day

Happy Birthday to the amazing blog created by Z and Mrs.

When in Doubt...


When in doubt, take it personally. Lee O.R.
I had a colleague and friend I used to work with in my company before I moved into my current role. This weekend, I washed my hands of him.

Lee is a hip forty-something who plays guitar, writes music, and thinks more of himself than his talents can carry. He has some good self-preservation traits and is very charming. As I slowly learned over the past year, he also uses people at their own cost.

Lee taught me the quote above. I don't know if he invented it though. With Lee, you can not be sure.

Lee used me for ideas and was a master at subtly changing things so he would get the credit and not appear to have stolen them. At work, he took my ideas for projects that I had talked with him in confidence about to get feedback and he would propose them to the boss before I could. He used me as a photographer for his promotional materials pro-bono.. and even uses the photos on Facebook and Myspace. No credit.

The final straw came last Friday. He stopped by my office to say "hi" and see if I wanted to go to lunch. As is natural with him, he is unhappy where he is living and wants to move to Marin with his family. He wants the musical opportunities available there. He thinks Marin is his where he will break through.

A few minutes later I told him I went to a conference in Washington DC in April and met a few high-up folks at a Marin-based corporation and one of them was recruiting me to come work for them. Lee told me he had applied for a position at that company. He asked me the guy's name wondering if he had chatted with him. I dug up the business card and handed it to him before going to the bathroom.

As I headed back to my office I saw Lee leaving the photocopier with a copy of the business card. He then said, "Maybe I should talk to this guy. Sounds like he has pull." I was speechless. I couldn't even say, "What the fuck?" He gathered up his computer bag and left saying, "Good to see you. Take care and let's do lunch again."

This time I took it personally.

The Pinnacle

Buzz Aldrin at Work- 40 Years Ago Today
Photo from NASA Archives

On NPR this morning I heard an interview with Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon forty years ago today. What an insightful view of humanity. On that day, he was part of a pinnacle moment for human development and evolution. Many ballyhoo the space program as a waist of time, money, and human effort. I don't, but that is not my point today.

For thousands of years, humans continually perfected tools and technologies that led to Aldrin and Neil Armstrong's walk on the moon. The "small step" was a pinnacle moment for human achievement. I am personally proud of that moment because it was not created out of war or conquering a nation. It was exploration.

View of our little marble from the lunar orbiter

One powerful moment Aldrin shared was when he saw earth while standing on the moon. All humanity except Armstrong, Michael Collins in the lunar orbiter, and himself were on that one blue ball. Every person they knew or didn't know could be seen in one single blink. That is a type of solitude and whole world view that would be overwhelmingly beautiful to me and would be a true pinnacle moment in self-actualizing your place in the big picture.

In the interview Aldrin talked about his new book, Magnificent Desolation: The Long Journey Home from the Moon, chronicling the difficulties faced after returning from the moon. He left NASA not long after the lunar mission to return to the Air Force where he found few opportunities. He retired from the USAF and suddenly found himself drifting with out a plan.

As you can imagine, Aldrin's whole military and astronaut career had been very structured with large goals and projects to focus efforts on. Now he was retired and undirected and he developed an addiction to alcohol.

This is the part of the story that really interested me on a personal level. As the interviewer mentioned, Aldrin could not simply go to a career counselor and get help. "Well, the normal career path for people who are the first on the moon is ...' I mean there's no way to complete that sentence. You were in an unusual situation to say the least." This man lived the first-hand history of one of humanity's pinnacle moments. How do you figure out what is your next step (that is one big step).


Aldrin became a project manager and planner for future NASA missions. He is currently working on planning future missions to the moon and Mars. His excitement for these projects are inspirational to me. They inspire me with their lofty goals of exploration, but more importantly they inspire me because I appreciate seeing some one living and doing what is deeply and passionately part of their soul.

Tonight I am going to raise a glass of wine and toast those three men who forty years ago today saw all of humanity in one simple large-scale view and then had to return to it. I don't know if I would have made that trip home.

7.18.2009

A Parade to Enjoy

Critical Tits 1

I just read Z's blog at Any Fucking Day about the horror of going to Independence Day parades. I wont go into why I hate them because Z sums it better than I could. The only part I like are watching the marching bands, but they are not worth it.

There are a few parades I like going to. A few years ago I went to the Pride Parade in SF. Pride week celebrates and promotes the causes of gays, lesbians, transgenders, and bisexuals. It is also a hell of a parade.
Pride Parade - Photographer Unknown, Source- SF Examiner

The floats can be preachy, but they are causes I support. The floats can be controversial and it is OK to disagree with them. If you disagree with message of a religious and patriotic float on July 4th, you are a commie.

Most of all, the pride parade is fun to watch. If you don't like it, don't go to it. I don't judge you. If you mention you don't like a July 4th parade, you are a commie.

My favorite parade takes place at the alternative art event called Burning Man. It is based off the theme of an SF event called Critical Mass. Critical Mass takes place monthly and is a group of hundreds or more bicyclists riding around SF emphasizing the importance of environment, bike riding access, and other bicycle issues. Burning Man takes a tongue-in-cheek approach to it and holds, "Critical Tits."

"Critical Tits" takes place in the late afternoon on Friday of the week-long event. For those who don't know about Burning Man, nudity is very common. You had better get used to seeing men and women nude, but Critical Tits takes it to another level. Thousands of women form a bicycle parade either topless or in costumes that accentuate their breasts. It can take 30 minutes for all the riders to go by. You get to see every type, shape, color, and size of breast celebrated, accentuated, painted, and looking beautiful during those 30 minutes. Now that is a parade.
Title and photographer unknown

7.17.2009

Quantum of Solace

The Yawn
Photo by SB

I am not commenting about the latest Bond movie which I found very disappointing after the great Casino Royale. I am talking about what that term means. Quantum of solace = a measurement of comfort.

I am a bit worn out and stressed out. I am coming to the end of my photography class with all of the pressures of the final. I am not sure if I will have a job past August. My home life is in a tense state of eggshell, tip-toeing (from both parties) peace.

I want a quantum of solace, a moment of zen, a time of peace. Maybe this weekend I will go to the top of Mt. Diablo (Mount Devil, my favorite local mountain) and leave behind some of my personal diablitos.

Beacon on Mount D.
Photo by SB

Some in my family and circle of friends would say I need to get back to church. I am fortunate to attend (sporadically) a very liberal and open church, but the light from my personal connection to faith is about as bright as a dimmer switch set at it's lowest point before the light is extinguished (ever notice how loud a light hums when it is barely on?). One person asked me if I am having crisis of faith. I would have to feel pretty worked up about something to feel like it is a "crisis." I am not feeling much of anything about it.

I need to recharge the potential energy of my passions. Without that, it is difficult to convert it to kinetic energy and do something. As of this moment, I want to sit back on one of the dunes in the photo below from Death Valley and just watch the rest of the world go by for awhile with out my needing to be part of its movement.

Dunes
Photo by SB

On a side note, I just read an interesting article about a movie called Zabriskie Point that was recently released on DVD. It was released by director Michelangelo Antonioni to much criticism in 1970. It has been put in many "worst movies ever" lists.

Lines
Zabriskie Point - Death Valley Nation Park
Photo by SB

Zabriskie Point is a beautiful overlook in Death Valley National Park. A part of the movie takes place there. There is a sensual sex scene from it. It was very famous and scandalous and took place on the movie's namesakes location. It looks like it would have been fun to film and or act in the scene. Read the Slate article to learn more about it.

.

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7.16.2009

Those Simple Little Things


What are those simple little things someone does to arouse you?

A couple of days ago I was riding the bus home from work. Across the isle on the sunny side was a beautiful woman with long, loosely curled auburn hair. She was magnificently back lit as she gazed out the window. At one point she became lost in her thoughts, reached up and unconsciously started to slowly twirl an end of her long hair. Her fingers slowly intertwined, feeling the texture, rolling the hair between the pads of her finger and thumb in slow sensual circles. For that moment I could feel her hair between my fingers.

That is an example of one of those simple little things. She had no intention of how that moment would be become a little thing for me. Sometimes the little things are purposefully done (a wink, an extended gaze, showing a little extra thigh, etc.) and other times they are just part of a person's mannerisms.

In the erotic book, The Fermata by Nicholson Baker, one of the female characters finds it incredibly sexy to watch a man take off his watch and rub his wrist where it had been. The main male character uses this knowledge of her small fetish to start her seduction in a very unusual way.

There are many of those little things that work for me and many more yet to be discovered. I didn't know that the simple act of twirling her hair in her fingers would be one of them.

So, what are some of those simple little things that make you want?

7.15.2009

Family Traits

Waiting
Photo by SB

I was going to write about the power of the comma, or some other minor topic until I read Dr. L's amazing post on acknowledging sexuality in her family. Please take a moment to read it before continuing on with my post. I will wait.

Here is the link.
Beautiful, wasn't it?

While reading it I remembered similar snippets of my family experiences and wanted to share my own story. As humans we all can trace part of what we have become to those who proceeded us in our families. This is true of our good and bad qualities. One of these parts I contribute to my lineage is that I enjoy an erotic, sensual existence.

"Moral" people disgust me with their living lies. Look at all the recent "moral" elected officials who have been caught dallying with mistresses, gay lovers, and interns. I don't judge their desires, I judge their hypocritical lives of judging me and then doing the same things. I am sure they were raised to be "moral" and "true." They were taught their way was the "true" way and to help save others who can be saved and throw the unsaved and "unsaveable" into repression and hell.

Like you, and every other human, I come from the result of sex (OK fellow Christians, I am sure someone will say there was one virgin birth, but I am not to going argue Jesus' birth status here). My parents have issues and faults that I am still working through, but a great positive thing that I got from them was to enjoy sex. They never preached on the morality of sex, but taught me the responsibilities that go with it.

When I was in second grade, I had a huge existential quandary. My parents never hid the fact that babies come from their mothers. I know I am my mother's son, but how am I my father's son? I asked my mom that same question after school.

My mom is a nurse and has seen it all. When I asked that question of her she was around 42 and was pretty damn wise. Her nursing persona took over and she told me about sex. She gave me the clinical description of everything from erections, sperm, eggs, penis, vagina, ...the whole medical textbook of it. After hearing the technical talk, I asked her something like, "Why would anyone want to do that?"

Her persona changed and she smiled, "It is fun. You'll figure that part out someday."

Every year during childhood I had a physical. One year the doctor noticed I had started puberty. He told my mom in private about it. After dinner my mom and dad wanted to talk to me alone and assured me nothing was wrong.

My dad started off by telling me I was becoming a man. My mom then told me that I was becoming sexually aware and that at times this could be awkward, emotional, and life changing. I already had started having those feelings, so I knew what they were saying. At this point, they gave me the responsibility talk. It was not a guilt talk though. They emphasized how important love was and that sex was a deep part of it.

Back then STDs were not a major concern with teens, but pregnancy was. They told me about condoms and said that if I was going to have sex, use them. They also told me about wet dreams and masturbation (I had already discovered that one, but did not tell them). All of this was done in an affirming, awkward (naturally so) and positive way.

Those memories came back to my consciousness by reading Dr. L's post. At the end of it, a deep set of memories congealed into a truth about the sexual side of my family beyond my parents.

My dad's dad was an artist. He manly painted landscapes of pastoral beauty. When he died, all of his paintings were distributed though the family.

One of the paintings we got was the one nude (that we know of) painting he created. The tall brunette is a classic beauty in a pose similar to Maxfield Parrish's, Ecstasy, but nude. Innocent yet very erotic. The skin tones, expression, and curves of the body were unmistakeably erotically tinged. You could tell it was not the usual stuff my grandfather painted because the "quality" of the finished product was not there as it was with his other works. Nudes were not his forte.

When I was in college, I was going through an old photo album of my grandparents. In one photo, there was the woman in the painting wearing a swim suit. She was so beautiful, so young, ... and so much my grandmother.

As I read Dr. L's post, I thought of that painting and it made me very happy and proud of my family by connecting that erotic love is a cherished part of it. My grandparents painted that nude during the Depression. By the looks of it, they weren't too depressed. That alone shows the power and beauty of our erotic selves to overcome the ugliness that "moral" humans bring upon humanity.

Waiting
Photo by SB

Photo note... I love working with these images of Candace and I love working with Candace.

7.14.2009

The Giants - Robert Frank

Robert Frank
Richard Avedon

The first time I noticed Robert Frank’s work was at the Tate Modern in London in November 2004. They were showing his most popular collection, The Americans. I was instantly drawn to his work as I had been living alone in Spain and the UK for two months for work and his photos made me yearn for home. The sense of home and America as a country, culture, brand, and essence are parts of the bond I feel for his exemplary photos. The most important connection I have to his work is the feeling of being “alone” or “lonely” in this very large country.

Robert Frank was born in Zurich, Switzerland in 1924. He grew up in a wealthy Jewish household. During World War two, his family was safe in Switzerland, but the oppression and genocide brought by the Nazis influenced his future photography. Frank studied with various local photographers and designers before publishing his first handmade book, 40 Fotos, in 1946.

In 1947, Frank immigrated to the United States and lived in New York. He worked as a fashion photographer for Harpers Bazaar for a year. Frank decided to leave his job and travel around Peru, Bolivia, and Europe on and off for six years, photographing the everyday lives of the people he met.

During one of his return trips to New York in 1950, Frank met Edward Steichen and participated in his first major American exhibit, 51 American Photographers, at the Museum of Modern Art. During this time he married fellow artist, Mary Lockspeiser.

In 1953, he returned from his world travels and became disenchanted with the United States. He believed America was a lonely place with an over emphasis on capitalism that caste a dismal pall on the nation.

With the help of the famous photographer, Walker Evans, Frank received a Guggenheim grant to travel across America photographing the people of all economic and social levels and races. During this trip, he traveled over 10,000 miles and took over 28,000 photos from all over the country. Through all these photos, he selected 84 prints to be put into his book, The Americans.

After arranging an introduction to the book written by Beat writer, Jack Kerouac, Frank had difficulty finding an American publisher for his book. Many viewed his photos as “un-American” and “dangerous.” His book was published first in France and other countries, eventually being published in America.

Frank’s photos in The Americans capture the essence of American life in the mid 1950’s. He took images of whites, blacks, the wealthy, the poor, businessmen, day laborers, Puerto Rican transvestites, working class men and women, religious signs, and many other small bits that make up America. Frank’s beautifully crafted black and white prints have rich contrast and beautiful composition like the modernist photographers, yet the subject content is greatly different from the works of Strand, Adams, and Cunningham. He strived to capture the actual real-life moments, not the grandeur or sublime beauty of the subject.

As mentioned earlier, I feel a deep personal bond to Frank’s work in how he captured the American individual as being “alone” or “lonely.” Part of the American character is the independent individual living his or her own personal manifest destiny. I can relate to this characteristic of “alone.” As a photographer, I capture the images of what I see, yet do not have to be a part of. While many believe (including me) Americans are becoming too disassociated with each other and the world, I relish my alone time in life and identify closely with how Frank captured it in his photos. For me, they are comforting, not disconcerting. He shows how we can be alone in many different settings.

US 285, New Mexico
Robert Frank

The theme of loneliness and solitude is most obvious in the photo, US 285, New Mexico. The deep contrast and dark tones of the road leading into nothing matches the mood of emptiness of humanity captured in the photo. Many people feel lonely and depressed when confronted with these landscapes and concepts, I feel alive and refreshed in them. This photo captures an ideal setting for me to travel through. Sure, I want to see some people on the trip, but I am happy in the moment of being alone on the road. It is where I am completely free.

Los Angeles
Photo by Robert Frank

We can feel alone when we are in the city. The photo, Los Angeles, captures the solitude that big cities can push upon people. In this simple scene, a solitary guy is walking down a street in the direction a big arrow is pointing. This photo means so much to me because it shows not all people who are alone are aimless or without direction. We can get by on our own. Although, it could also be interpreted that in our solitude, we need mass direction from something greater than us or we will get lost.

Drug Store, Detroit
Photo by Robert Frank

We can even be alone when we are in groups. In the photo, Drug Store, Detroit, all the patrons are jammed together at that counter. They are sipping their orange whips and eating their food. A few spot the camera and are looking at it. None are really talking with their fellow patrons. Even in close proximity to other people, Americans can be alone and live in their own world. I often eat in restaurants alone when traveling for work and enjoy the solitude. I read a book, watch the other customers, and learn much about where I am from those simple moments.

Frank may have lamented the bleak loneliness that America was becoming. This isolation is part of our culture. When the east coast got too crowded, settlers moved west into the unknown. When the television came into our homes, families would gather around it for news, entertainment, and enjoyment rather than visit their neighbors.

Today, we spend more time on the Internet, commuting to and from work and family activities, and rushing to our next appointment compared to being part of the community we live in. We are a nation of unified loners. This can be bad for our nation since we isolate ourselves from the rest of humanity, but it is the reality of what our nation’s character has developed us to be. For better and for worse, Robert Frank captured this essential part of America’s identity in his photos.

Here is a link to more images from Robert Franks' The Americans.

NOTE - If you are in the Bay Area you can see Frank's exhibit, The Americans, at the SF Museum of Modern Art. They also have up great exhibits by Richard Avedon, and special show pairing Georgia O'Keefe and Ansel Adams.

7.13.2009

Oh Dear...

Details, Details, Details
Photo by SB

What to do?

I got a notice from Model Mayhem of a comment left on a photo and a new tag. I signed in and read the comment. It was very nice, which almost all comments for any photo by anyone tends to be. I then read the tag which was from the same model that wrote the comment. I've had that happen before on that site as well as OMP. The twist for me, this model is seventeen.

For those who don't know what Model Mayhem is, go visit the site at this link.
It is a networking site to for models and photographers to display their portfolios and find each other for future projects. So far, I am batting a thousand since I've joined it by connecting with Candace and photographing her.

This time though, it is a new issue for me. The young model who contacted me lives about fifteen minutes away. She wants to build her portfolio and needs some help. I would like to help her out, but I am uncomfortable working with models under eighteen.

I do not want to work with underage models for many reasons, the main one being I can not use any images I capture of her because I mainly photograph nudes and would feel awkward, at the least, posting her images next to my other work. I've helped adult models build portfolios, but never a minor.

The youngest model I photographed was twenty and I prefer to work with models no younger than twenty-five with no cap on age going up. I prefer models who have experience and know a bit about the industry. It is easier that way.

I want to respond to her tag and encourage her modeling career, yet decline her request. While I am honored, I don't feel it would be appropriate. I guess I am kvetching more than requesting answers. These are some of the little moments that define what type of art and photography I want to create.

Photo note - another from my time with Candace. This is a cropped and desaturated photo of the one below.

7.11.2009

Night and Diane

We were tall, young, sexy
your skin like cocoa, mine of snow
both in warmth and color

Our kisses waking
us to tastes we always needed
Warm lips slowly sliding

Dark long strong legs over
my back, my lips between your
breasts, tasting down

Your hips pushing to
anoint my lips with your lust
in your own rhythm

"Now"... you softly invite
your ebony legs around me
drawing me in deep

We look down to see
the succulent beauty of
our hues moving in urgent ease

Our eyes treasure each
turn in position our beings'
opposites becoming one in a moan.

7.10.2009

Me at 40

A Glance into My Views
Photo by SB

In the Art and Photography class I am in, our assignment was "self-portrait." I am rarely in front of a camera. I prefer to document what I see, not what others see of me, so I took a different bend on it and went metaphorical.

These are not my best work, but I feel a part of each one. The instructor has a rule that we need to print them as captured. These are unedited. I may work on them a bit this weekend. If I do, I will replace them in this post.

Anyway, here is a peek into me.

Where I am Heading.
Photo by SB

Are Photographers Just Peeping Toms?
Photo by SB

Still a Strong Wall...
Photo by SB

"She put big old blisters on my heart"

7.09.2009

The Sadist and the Masochist

Being Small
Photo by SB
The masochist was begging, "Please, PLEASE, hurt me. Beat me. Hit me. Degrade me. Use me. I need the pain to feel fulfillment! PLEEEASSSE. I only feel pleasure from your hurting me."

The sadist looked smugly and dismissively down on the masochist and simply replied, "No."

I never really understood the mind sets of these two sides of relationships until I heard that joke. I wonder in myself if I desire the pain and the desire to inflict it. Do we all have unconscious or even conscious needs and desires to feel and give pain? Many may feel they don't, but I wonder.

A few years ago I was very mad for months at a person close to me who had hurt me. I kept waiting and waiting for her to mention something about it and I had a response to it that would be devastating. I rehearsed it in my mind and crafted each word with the greatest delicacy and determination so it would not only hurt, but do both blunt and acute damage. One day, almost a year later, she asked why I no longer did a certain thing. At that moment I let go with my stored response. Her reaction was as pained as I had desired. The rush from the moment of it flowed through me filling me with righteous delight in the moment. She cried and went silent. I suddenly felt vindicated, but also an abuser. As time passed that moment, I've felt no pride in what I did. Our relationship was permanently hurt by it.

My family has a deep and dark history of sarcasm, judgment, and belittling. We are the masters of the passive-aggressive insult and attack. Any one statement is not a major issue, but the toll of absorbing (and giving) them is tearing the family apart. Last night I was chatting online with my 18 year old niece who was staying with my parents for a week. She was upset by the vitriolic dislike they have toward each other and the rest of the family. I hope she realizes now how much poison is in the family and finds a way to protect herself from becoming the werewolves we are after suffering the numerous bites of a lifetime.

7.08.2009

Is There an Artistic Close-up Crotch Shot?

Away

Well, is there?

In a recent post Dr. L wrote about the taboo of the crotch shot.
"... we sought to capture the artistic crotch shot. To us that meant the shot had to be unintentional, coincidental, not blatant and gynecological. The latter shot makes me uncomfortable, makes me cringe, in fact"
So, can there be a close-up crotch shot that is artistic, yet not blatant and gynecological? Have you seen one?
Jack in the Pulpit no IV, 1930

Georgia O'Keefe
Of course I can always think of Georgia O'Keefe's paintings of flowers and waterfalls. They are beautiful paintings that obviously look like feminine genitalia, yet are protected by the layer of innocence of a reference to a non-sexual noun.
Ice Cave
Georgia O'Keefe

I did not have time to look for examples for this post, but I know there are artistic representations of the phallus in art seen as light houses, mushrooms, etc. Can there be an artistic photo of the male bits as well? Does it mean something different if the man is aroused or flaccid? I find the male anatomy beautiful as well and believe that just because his genitalia is externally visible, as is his arousal, it should still be celebrated in art.

I've heard someone say that making a nude photo printed in black and white makes it closer to being art. I disagree with the premise, but she had an interesting point. Lets say I took a black and white crotch shot, either gender, and used a dark background, popped the contrast so there were rich dark shadows and the highlights almost faded to white. The lighting created strong shadows and sensual curves from the lay of the light. Could it be art?
Waterfall
Georgia O'Keefe
Is a crotch shot objectifying the model? By focusing on the core of their sexual identification, are we reducing her to being a "pussy" and him being a "cock?" If that is the case, what about a photo of a "body scape" that only shows a hip, a breast, a shoulder, or another body part, isn't that potentially objectifying the model? Wait though, those body parts are not (unless it is a fetish) a core sexual trigger that changes the expectations and reactions of the viewer of the art. Does making content blatantly sexual photos, or at least anatomically sexual photos, objectifying?

Maybe part of the issue is reducing all such photos to the term "crotch shot." If I used the terms "whore" vs. "sex worker" vs. "lady of the night", we get three very different emotional senses for the concept covered. The place I work is currently "downsizing." The management uses the terminology, "right sizing to ensure synergistic efficiencies are gained." I call it "getting laid off." If we call it a "crotch shot", are we already devaluing the artistic message of the content by prejudicing the viewers expectations?

This is a frustrating topic for me since the subject matter is naturally erotic and artistically beautiful. How can it be artistically shared with out it crossing over to porn? Is this something that may be so private that to appreciate its beauty, it can only be shared in the live moment of intimacy, not with a bigger audience?

In light of 2257, I hesitated to put up a photo of any close up crotch shots. I don't want to deal with all the BS to protect myself.

7.07.2009

In the Closet

The Wind Becomes You
Photo by SB

Yesterday I read a post by Josh at Monkey Metal Photography. In it he asks:

How many of you are in the closet? No, not sexually, photographically. Have you told your friends, neighbors, family, that you’re a photographer or model? More specifically your nudes, your sexually themed images. How many of you hide it? Don’t talk about it except with other photographers or models?

I raise my hand. I am semi-closeted photographically. My real name obviously is not SB. If you perform a search on my real name, you will find my non-photographic professional work . You will not find any of the nudes I've published on this blog.

Who knows my truth? My wife pretty much knows it, maybe not the depth, but the overall story. My parents know I've photographed nudes, but we don't talk about it. There are many issues that I am not ready to deal with concerning them. As for other members of my family and friends, we enter a gray area. Some know everything, others know nothing. My coworkers know nothing about my nude photography.

Why am I keeping it quiet? My money making job may be at risk if I was open, especially when applying for new positions.

Do I feel shame about what I do? I don't think I do. I might though and have not really dealt with those issues yet. I think part of it is I get tired answering the same questions over and over again. Another passion of mine is restoring old vehicles. I don't share that interest with everyone either. Not everyone gets it and it easier to keep my involvement within a community of like-minded friends.

Will I ever come out fully? My intent is to answer, "Yes." I am hoping and planning that in the next year or two I will be able to leave my current money-making profession to enter photography as a career. At that time, I don't think I will care so much about my public persona.

The last sentences in Josh's final paragraph is a lesson I need to learn and use as a rallying cry to support our art.
We have to stop hiding our work, and ourselves, in order to change peoples attitudes.
PS - I recommend you take a look at Monkey Metal Blog. The writing is unique and the photos are fantastic.

7.06.2009

A Funny Moment

In Between
Photo by SB

A funny thing happened during the photo shoot with Candace. We had just finished up our first hour of work. She was standing naked in the studio's doorway cooling in the breeze when she noticed a mark on my arm.

"What's your tattoo?" she asked.

"It's henna... tattoo of a Celtic symbol." I replied while I adjusted a light.

She then asked as she took a drink of water, "Do you have any permanent tattoos?" .

"Nope, I want one some time, but I wont get one until I know what I want it to be and where to put it." I replied as I checked my white balance settings.

"How about you, do you have any tattoos?" I asked and then blushed deeply and started laughing as I looked at her naked form that I've been photographing for the past sixty minutes. "I guess I haven't seen the bottoms of your feet yet."

She thought that was funny too.

In Between
Photo by SB