Being SmallPhoto by SB
The masochist was begging, "Please, PLEASE, hurt me. Beat me. Hit me. Degrade me. Use me. I need the pain to feel fulfillment! PLEEEASSSE. I only feel pleasure from your hurting me."
The sadist looked smugly and dismissively down on the masochist and simply replied, "No."
I never really understood the mind sets of these two sides of relationships until I heard that joke. I wonder in myself if I desire the pain and the desire to inflict it. Do we all have unconscious or even conscious needs and desires to feel and give pain? Many may feel they don't, but I wonder.
A few years ago I was very mad for months at a person close to me who had hurt me. I kept waiting and waiting for her to mention something about it and I had a response to it that would be devastating. I rehearsed it in my mind and crafted each word with the greatest delicacy and determination so it would not only hurt, but do both blunt and acute damage. One day, almost a year later, she asked why I no longer did a certain thing. At that moment I let go with my stored response. Her reaction was as pained as I had desired. The rush from the moment of it flowed through me filling me with righteous delight in the moment. She cried and went silent. I suddenly felt vindicated, but also an abuser. As time passed that moment, I've felt no pride in what I did. Our relationship was permanently hurt by it.
My family has a deep and dark history of sarcasm, judgment, and belittling. We are the masters of the passive-aggressive insult and attack. Any one statement is not a major issue, but the toll of absorbing (and giving) them is tearing the family apart. Last night I was chatting online with my 18 year old niece who was staying with my parents for a week. She was upset by the vitriolic dislike they have toward each other and the rest of the family. I hope she realizes now how much poison is in the family and finds a way to protect herself from becoming the werewolves we are after suffering the numerous bites of a lifetime.
I couldn't relate to this post until I got to the last paragraph. You're right. My family has a strong streak of SM among certain members. Some of us have now split off from them.
ReplyDeleteI, for one, do not fancy being hurt - or hurting anyone.
I don't consciously want to hurt or be hurt, but I believe most people have a bit of a vindictive side in us. When we watch a movie with a really bad villain, we only feel satisfied if he or she meets a horribly fitting end. Immediately after September 11th, I wanted our enemies to hurt, not just stop or be eliminated, but to really hurt.
ReplyDeleteI guess there is a difference though between vengeance and sadism. Sadly, I sometimes catch myself blurring the two and seeing how the satisfaction of hurting someone in the name of vengeance is empowering. Like I said in my post, it runs in the family and I am trying to recognize it in my own behaviors and quell it.
Well, I have to admit getting a pair of boxing gloves with the hope of pounding my sister-in-law's face. Actually, I had a vision of her teeth falling out on the pavement.
ReplyDeleteBut that fell under the category of necessity, not sadism. It was the only way I could see to shut her up.
That is the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. Thanks for putting that sweet cherry on top of a good day!
ReplyDelete