Incommunicado and Fly-over Country

And Then

Leila
Photo by SB

My plane's Goodyears touched down at San Francisco Airport (SFO) at 9:38pm yesterday. I am home from my work odyssey to northern New Jersey. I am exhausted.

I arrived at my hotel right near the stadium where the NY Jets play early Saturday evening. They are building a brand new stadium right next to the ~25 year old stadium. Kind of scary that we consider buildings that can hold tens of thousands of people as being disposable.

I could see the New York skyline from my hotel window. It was beautiful to see the lights of the Empire State Building at night rising above all the other buildings. In the morning, the city was back lit by the sunrise. The reds and oranges flowing between the buildings and painting the far wall of my room in colors you could almost taste.

I never saw the twin towers when all three of us were on the planet together. I knew where they should have been and tried to imagine them towering over the southern skyline. I wish I had seen them before their destruction so I could appreciate their loss deeper than I do.

Once I turned on my laptop at the hotel, I discovered I could only get a weak and unsteady wireless connection to the internet. This was after agreeing to pay $12 per night for access. I called the front desk and they said they "... would get a technician to look right at it." There was still no internet connectivity on Tuesday morning.

Why do hotels that charge more than $175 per night also charge for wireless access? I've stayed at Super 8s, Days Inns, Holiday Inns, and other sub $75 per night hotels where it is free? I guess the more expensive hotels know that most of their clients are business travelers and will charge it back to their company. They removed the charge from my bill.

So, I was stripped of access to the fun internet that I use my personal laptop for. I could get online at the office with my work laptop, but they have such tight security and restrictions that I was afraid to look up an address for a local restaurant. I really missed reading others' blogs, looking at art, nude women, and keeping myself entertained in the hotel.

The upside of no wireless, I read the first quarter of the dense great book 2666 by the late Roberto Bolaño. It is a great translation from the original Spanish. If you are into literature and want to read a novel about literature, I highly recommend it. It is a hefty book with 898 pages, but is well worth the read. I will talk about it more in a later post.

While flying out to NJ, I looked out my exit row window (at 6'4", I need the extra legroom) and saw USA float by under me. The country between the coasts is nicknamed the "fly-over country." Many feel the only important places to go in my country are on the coasts. After looking down upon the land and thinking of much of the politics of those areas I wondered if I felt the same.

Evening in Lavina, MT

Photo by SB

I grew up in fly-over country (FOC). I lived in Idaho, South Dakota and Montana. My family still lives in FOC. I learned to drive in FOC. I graduated from high school and got two bachelor degrees in that area as well. My first car accident happened there. A friend and love interest of mine killed herself by jumping off a cliff in FOC. I discovered self-pleasure down there. I enjoyed my first kiss, caress, blow job, tasting a woman, feeling her orgasm and mine together down there. I took my first photo down there.

Since moving away from FOC in 1997, I am not visiting as often as I used to. I am discovering new things everyday in California. I photographed my first nude here. I have enjoyed many other firsts here as well. I've grown here.

As I flew south of the Great Lakes, I looked north and around and thought about my blog friends living down there. I imagined Joe (if he hasn't left yet), Stephen and Dr. L living their lives beneath me. I looked across the aisle and out the window and imagined Z and Mrs. counting their days until they can retire and escape their current location.

I then asked for a glass of wine ( $8) and thought about FOC. It is so easy to dismiss things at 37,000 feet. You can't see people, just their cities. You can't hear them, understand them, or attempt to be with them. They just glide beneath you at 500+mph. The next people I would interact with (other than my fellow fliers) would be east coasters. I just flew over millions of people and dismissed them as scenery.

As we were flying over western Pennsylvania, I realized that I need to take a Robert Frank car trip around this country. I love this country and hate parts of it. My view of it is narrow though. I have my Montana self and my California self. I need to discover my American self. I need to see where I live in a greater sense. I need to see there are good, intelligent, fun, sexy, productive, artistic souls around this nation and learn about what they are up to. Maybe I will discover a much needed part of myself as well.

Double Post - Robert Frank

A few months ago I wrote a post about Robert Frank.


Here is a radio story about him from NPR. I agree, he changed photography.

Happy Birthday to UL and Joe!

"Away"
Photo by SB

First, if you have not visited "What We Saw Today," go now.

Second, Happy Birthday to WWST.

I discovered WWST early this year and try to follow it religiously. Trying to sum up Joe and UL's work is like describing the color blue to a blind person. You just need to visit it. I will share a few observations.

Joe's photography and writing is very inspirational for my artistic growth. His photos have a quiet sense of solitude and peace, even when they are taken in a jazz club in New Orleans. Of course I appreciate the nudes, but his photos of New Orleans, Detroit, and his sailboat are poetic beauty. Sometimes the poetic beauty is sad, but it is still beautiful. Joe's writing perfectly compliments the narrative of his photos. I hope he writes a book someday.

UL is a force of nature and spirit. She is a true renaissance woman. She embraces exploration and sensual pleasures she discovers along her path. She is smart, intelligent and wise, which very few people have all three. On top of all that, she is sexy. Her sexiness is not just her physical beauty, but her zest for the erotic sensual pleasures from simple to grand.

One of my life goals is traveling to meet these two. Until then, I will visit them in their corner of the blog world.

WE

Evening at Many Glacier
Photo by SB

For a brief moment
WE lived as one ethereal
wholly as one breath

Nothing existed
for that yawn of time except
our blended essence

We could acknowledge it
only after we left it
and mourned its passing

Even in the dimming
and the resting embrace WE no
longer existed again

Paternalistic Utopia

Currents (BW)
Photo by SB

Please read this article first about New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg's attempts to regulate everything.

http://www.slate.com/id/2228722/


I found this paragraph very interesting:

"The underlying left-right divide is not about whether government has the right to promote private virtue but, rather, about what kind of virtue it should promote. Republicans demand paternalistic policies that uphold morality or social order. In Indiana, where I recently spent my vacation, you can pick up fireworks or a handgun anywhere, but good luck buying a six-pack on Sunday. Democrats, by contrast, deploy paternalism for health and safety reasons, yielding a different set of absurdities. In California, pot is on the verge of becoming more permissible than cigarettes. Both left and right take pleasure in mildly persecuting those who fail to meet their civic ideals."

That is pretty scary stuff. One side is ruining sex, the other side food. Both sides want to "protect" us, but for very different reasons.

The conservatives want to limit us from polluting their children and their ways of life with ours. They judge right and wrong based on Christian moral issues. The left judge right and wrong based on harm to others and the environment. (That is an over simplification of both sides, but I am not in the mood to write a thesis on it.)

I supported the banning of smoking in restaurants and bars. I also supported San Francisco's attempts to ban plastic grocery bags in all stores. Some of these liberal "protections" are going a bit far though. At what point do I become a baby that others have judged as incompetent to take care of my self?

The conservative limitations scare me more than the liberal ones. Their limitations hold back freedom of expression. I can express anything within their view of acceptable speech and be praised for it. If I create a "patriotic" video with imagery of flags, tanks, smart bombs, waves of grain, enemy bodies, ultimate fighting, NASCAR and put it to a Tim McGraw song, I am a patriot and anyone who speaks foul of it "hates America, gawdammit!" If I respectfully create and exhibit a photo of two guys kissing, I am "one with Satan's Legions." I was actually told that last week for supporting a lesbian friend's coming out to her ultra religiously conservative family, no shit.

I think this is just another part of the loss of civilization. We are losing our ability to trust people (within realistic realms) to do the right thing. We don't trust them to start using energy efficient light bulbs, and they don't trust me to keep my "smut" away from naive eyes. No wonder both sides are moving away from common ground with these "us vs. them" attitudes.

Alone vs. Lonely - Revisited

Old Chair 2
Photo by SB

I've written before about my interpretations of the differences between "alone" and "lonely." I am very comfortable being alone whether at home or traveling. I am not a hermit. I appreciate being alone.

I have also written about "alone" time, which has its own unique onanistic magic. Sometimes that is one of my desires I wrote about yesterday. I've discovered that sex is beautiful when shared with someone, but it can be deeply exploratory and rewarding when it is just me.

I do get lonely, but that is a rare feeling. When I am eating alone in a restaurant, I am not really alone. I am with all the other diners, wait staff, cooks, and people walking by on the sidewalk. Being alone is very interpretive.

Below is a great link (click on photo) to Magnum photo series titled, All by Myself. I can relate to the photos.

Amboise, France - 1972

Elliott Erwitt / Magnum Photos

_________________________________________________________

If you get a chance, read my slightly edited article at Univers d'Artistes about use of light when photographing men and women. It is a much cleaner and better edited post than the one posted in this blog. Thanks UL for your selecting this post and publishing it at UdA.

Univer d'Artistes

My original post, Men Take the Light.

Yes, I am Feeling It

"Self Titled"
Photo by SB

"Desire" is a mighty word. We all desire things. We desire sexy things, noble things, dirty things, materialistic things, healthy things, religious/spiritual things, peaceful things, violent things, dangerous things, safe things... you get the point. We all desire the experience to experience the desire.

Desires are like drugs. They are not good or bad. It is how we use them that can be interpreted as good or bad. At this moment I desire spam and eggs (guilty pleasure), coffee, and toast. This is an OK desire, in moderation. Last week I desired a big cigar, a not-so-good desire. I always pay for it physically after smoking one, by tasting it in my mouth and throat for days, but sometimes it is worth it.

Last night I desired sex. Today I desire it. Tomorrow I will desire it. They are not the same desires. That is such a bland statement to say, "I desire sex." That is like saying, "I desire food." Both have such variety that the statement has no meaning.

Last night I desired food, a big salad with grilled asparagus, thinly sliced grilled chicken, and grated manchego cheese with a balsamic/olive oil dressing, crusty bread and wine to accompany it. That is pretty specific.

As I age, I am starting to appreciate my desires more by trying to refine them to their essence. This is helping me find what I truly enjoy in the experience. I am trying to do this with my eating, activities, what I photograph, who I visit, where I travel, and what I do.

So, last night I desired sex. That is too vague. I desired sex passionate rough sex on the futon in my home office. Next time it could be soft sex lasting for hours on a soft feather bed. When I compare my sexual desires now to those of my teen years, they are focused. When I was fifteen, I desired sex... any I could get. I didn't have the discriminating palette that comes with experience and knowledge. I didn't know what I didn't know.

Now I am a bit more discriminating about most of my tastes. I am trying to fine tune my experiences to relish the elegant simple beauty of the need. I am finding great pleasures in that.

I need to be careful desiring and focusing in on such discreet pleasures. I may miss great opportunities for new discoveries and pleasures. It is the cliche of "missing the forest for the trees" issue.

A few years ago I was practically living in my darkroom developing film and making prints. I kept honing my skills and vision while disregarding all my friends' excitement for digital. I saw digital more as convenient than artistic. That changed when I met a landscape/flower photographer who shot digital and showed me her work. I didn't know that color and resolution had come so far as to rival film. Since I got my digital SLR last December, I've opened my artistic world in a new direction that greatly excites me. I hope I don't lose my desire to work in film though.

So, right now I desire a walk with my dogs around this foggy morning. I know I wont desire that when it is going to be 100+ early next week. Time to satisfy that desire.

Photo note - Another of the "word" photos with Candace. At first I was disappointed with the image since it was not sharp. After playing with it a little by a de-saturating, bumping contrast, and enhancing grain, I think this matches how I view "desire." Desires usually have a feel and color to them and may have a scent, taste, and feel as well. This one pretty much sums up my feelings last night.

Desire
U2

Lover, Im on the street
Gonna go where the bright lights
And the big city meet
With a red guitar...on fire
Desire

Shes a candle burning in my room
Yeah Im like the needle, needle and spoon
Over the counter with a shotgun
Pretty soon everybody got one
And the fever when Im beside her
Desire, desire...

And the fever...getting higher
Desire, desire...burning, burning

Shes the dollars
Shes my protection
Yeah shes a promise
In the year of election
Oh sister, I cant let you go
Like a preacher stealing hearts
At a traveling show
For love or money money money
Money money money money money
Money money money
And the fever, getting higher
Desire, desire, desire, desire
Desire, desire

.

The Globalization of Censorship

" "
Photo by SB

Please read the following article from Slate. Bottom line - media outlets are censoring themselves for fear of economic reprisal for telling the truth.

http://www.slate.com/id/2228263/


Now is the time for blogs. If corporations and institutions are afraid of retaliation and need to self-censor, then only those media outlets that are not beholden to others will become the source of truth. For most of us, that could be a blog.

Blogs are a mixed blessing. I can write anything I want here without caring about facts. I can write essays and editorials that skew an issue to my liking. I can slander, malign, and praise inappropriately.

With this in mind, here is my oath to the truth. I will share it and spread it, but it will have my own personal agenda with it. My blog is an extension of my self. I am not a reporter, I am a man sharing my beliefs, thoughts, art, poetry, and whatever strikes my fancy. In that end, I encourage you, the reader, to notify me when I am wrong. Unlike Bush and Limbaugh, I know I make mistakes and will account and correct them.


EXTRA ADDITION
"You can't handle the truth!"


.

Travel, New Acquaintences, and Sad Realizations

"..."
Photo by SB

I got back from my four night trip to the UK on Thursday. On the flight home I thought about what I would write and nothing came to me. For eleven hours I searched for something from my quick excursion and there was nada to find. I was feeling sad about what I had discovered on the trip.

The large biotech I work for was swallowed up by a much larger european pharmaceutical earlier this year. They say they are combining the best attributes of both corporations. That is only lip service. They are going to assimilate us and we will become part of their soulless corporation.

My old company was not perfect, but it had a very unique soul. We always focused on the patient and cared about quality, innovation, and many other areas to help the patient. Yes, we made money from our products and that was important, but we, as a group, always knew the patient's health was our drive and motivation. Sadly though, the new corporation does not have that and is already starting to eradicate it from our culture. In a recent industry article, the experts estimated that within 5 years the unique culture of my old company will be gone. Needless to say, I am feeling pretty apathetic about the new situation.

From 1960-1991, my uncle worked for several large pharmaceuticals. Despite the number of different companies he worked for, he never quit and took another job. Each new employer came with an acquisition, take over, or merger. He told me I was lucky if I could go 15 years without this happening. I made it almost 10 years. As he said, "When the farmer sells his land, the farm workers go with it. Do your job and don't expect much from the new owners."

I flew to London to meet my new peers and leaders. My glimmer of hope came from meeting my new counterparts. They are good people. They are nervous too. When we first met, we stepped very carefully around topics, but by the end, we started to share common ground. I am glad I had this experience since I have to give an executive presentation at the end of September with one of my new peers.

After ten years of working for a truly great employer, I am sad to lose that unique environment. Maybe I have to look at this situation like a favorite tv series. The series had a good run and now it is time to end it. That may be true for my career in this industry as well. Maybe it is about time to wrap up it up, prepare for the next one, and then shut off the lights. I need a job I care about and believe in. I think art is the next one. Time to prepare for that.

Burning Man

Someone's Temple - Short-lived Art
Photo by SB

Burning Man started on Monday and ends Sunday night. All week I've seen modified art cars and decorated RVs making the trek east on I80. My soul yearns to join them.

Lamplighters and Big Puppet
Photo by SB
The avenue is a half mile long and every night these guys hoist lit lanterns onto the posts the whole length. The two-story puppet is beautiful as well.

I've been there twice, the last time in 2005. Every Labor Day weekend I feel the pull to the dry lake bed about 100 miles north or Reno where 40,000 plus people gather in the name of freedom of artistic expression, beauty, art, subversion, and other great things.

The Man in 2003... he burned down two days later.
Photo by SB

A friend of my dad's tried to explain what Woodstock was like. It sounded neat, but he said he could not put into words the feeling of the place. You had to be there. Burning Man is kind of the same. I highly encourage you to go. I am going to return next year.

Burning Man official site
http://burningman.com/

WAIT !
Photo by SB
People rush the 4-story fire as soon as the wooden man collapses, despite the dangers. You can see one guy on the left in the background making his dash. These people worry and warn them of the dangers. Few listen. On the back of the Burning Man ticket is a disclaimer that the ticket holder releases BM of liability since the event can be deadly.

Magnum photos of the event.
http://todayspictures.slate.com/20090901/

Fire Dancer 1
Photo by SB
It is amazing to see the fire dancers, artistic heat and flash. Sometimes sensual things burn.

SFGates take on it.
http://www.sfgate.com/burningman/

Fire Dancer 2
Photo by SB

Begin the Burn
Photo by SB

Next year...

First Contact

Then He Turned
Photo by SB

Today was the first time I have met someone through this blog. I had the pleasure of having lunch with Stephen Haynes who writes the blog, Magic Flute Fine Arts Nudes.

We met in the quaint South Park neighborhood in SF at a little coffee shop/restaurant. We chatted about food, wine, his book, the law, traveling and many other subjects. Sadly, I had to get back to work. We finally started talking about art on the walk to my car. Maybe next time we can start on that and expand because that is what is a major part of both of your lives.

I hope he enjoyed the SF MOMA and the Adams/O'Keefe and Avedon shows.

--------------------------------------

In other news, CalTrans is closing the Oakland Bay Bridge from tonight until early Tuesday morning. If you have not been to the Bay Area, the Bay Bridge is the most heavily used span of all of the eight bridges. It is the main bridge connecting the East Bay to SF. I cross it twice every day for work. Tomorrow, I am going to work from my home and then Saturday I am going to have to cross it catch a flight to London. It will be perfect for my wanderlust. I will write more about that whirl-wind trip later.

Photo Note: This is probably my favorite from my photos of Andrea. We watched an Avedon documentary in class last week. I practiced his technique for getting his subjects to slip into moods. He would not say, "Look sad." He would guide you to think about something heavy and dark, like your own mortality, by leading you through deeper questions while he quietly clicked away.

Andrea recently broke up with her boyfriend and we talked about how it went. I asked her to think about how she had watched him turn around and walk out of her life and for her to think about her first emotion at that moment. She was quiet for a couple of minutes. Andrea is a tough woman and this was the most emotional photo I took. After the entire photo shoot, she requested to see that one photo. She said it hurt to think of that moment, but she needed to start working through the end of that relationship and this was a small step.

I tried having her think of happy things, angry things, arousing things, and many other emotions. The best photos came from the happy and the break up guided moments.

I am curious on how other photographers and models have gotten into various mood for photo shoots. What worked for you?

Something New

Andrea 1
Photo by SB

I had fun this weekend. I had to practice outdoor portraits using ambient light with an optional reflector for my class. One problem, I couldn't find a willing or available model.

I am part of a three-person team in the class. We all take turns being subject, photographer, and assistant. One partner is Rick, a local prison officer a few years older than me. The second partner is Andy (Andrea), a nineteen year old starving college student. We make a great team.

Andy wants to work on both sides of the camera. I called her and asked if she would be willing to model on Sunday for me and offered to pay her for her time. She makes $8 an hour at a local fast food restaurant, so the money was appreciated as much as the chance to practice modelling.

Andrea 1
Photo by SB

Saturday was hot, over 100 degrees on campus. Early Sunday morning, the fog rolled in and cooled it down. When I pulled up to campus in my old Ford truck, it was windy and 58 degrees. It was cold.

Andy showed up wearing a beautiful purple dress and heels. We walked into the wood and photographed for ninety minutes. Andy and I then walked to my truck and I photographed her with it, on it, and all over it. She did not complain about the cold until after sitting and laying on the cold metal hood for fifteen minutes, she started shivering and her teeth chattered. I offered her my jacket and we called it a day. I paid her, she signed the model release and we went our separate ways.

Andy is intrigued by nude modeling, but is not ready to do it yet. I am not pressuring her for many reasons. That is a big decision she needs to make. She is interested in photographing nudes though. Maybe we can work together with Rick on that.

Andrea 3bw

Photo by SB

Andrea 3C

Photo by SB

Two Kennedys

The Kennedy Brothers
Photo: The John F. Kennedy Presidential Library, Boston

Edward Kennedy

I admit not knowing too much about Edward Kennedy prior to his cancer diagnosis. I knew and supported some of his politics, and knew about his dark history as well. I respect him because he was a flawed person who tried to do better.

The day after his death, NPR was eulogizing him and told a story of when President Reagan nominated Robert Bork to the Supreme Court. Immediately following the announcement of Bork's nomination on July 1, 1987, Senator Kennedy took to the floor of the Senate to say:

Robert Bork's America is a land in which women would be forced into back-alley abortions, blacks would sit at segregated lunch counters, rogue police could break down citizens' doors in midnight raids, schoolchildren could not be taught about evolution, writers and artists could be censored at the whim of the Government, and the doors of the Federal courts would be shut on the fingers of millions of citizens for whom the judiciary is -- and is often the only -- protector of the individual rights that are the heart of our democracy.... (highlighted for emphasis)

It has been a while since I heard a politician defend artists from censorship.

Robert Kennedy

I am two degrees separated from Robert Kennedy. In the late spring of 1968, my mom met him after a campaign speech in Pocatello, ID. She said she shook his hand, introduced herself and told him she was a public health nurse. He gave her the Kennedy smile and started to talk about nurses and.... she did not hear a word he said because she was instantly infatuated with him. She said she was a gushing school girl with a big crush. Mom also said that if he had asked, she would have ran off with him to elope.

As an epilogue to that little story: Kennedy was killed less than couple of weeks later. I was born nine months later. I know I am not an illegitimate Kennedy, but I bet my mom was in a loving mindset from meeting him.