When in doubt, take it personally. Lee O.R.I had a colleague and friend I used to work with in my company before I moved into my current role. This weekend, I washed my hands of him.
Lee is a hip forty-something who plays guitar, writes music, and thinks more of himself than his talents can carry. He has some good self-preservation traits and is very charming. As I slowly learned over the past year, he also uses people at their own cost.
Lee taught me the quote above. I don't know if he invented it though. With Lee, you can not be sure.
Lee used me for ideas and was a master at subtly changing things so he would get the credit and not appear to have stolen them. At work, he took my ideas for projects that I had talked with him in confidence about to get feedback and he would propose them to the boss before I could. He used me as a photographer for his promotional materials pro-bono.. and even uses the photos on Facebook and Myspace. No credit.
The final straw came last Friday. He stopped by my office to say "hi" and see if I wanted to go to lunch. As is natural with him, he is unhappy where he is living and wants to move to Marin with his family. He wants the musical opportunities available there. He thinks Marin is his where he will break through.
A few minutes later I told him I went to a conference in Washington DC in April and met a few high-up folks at a Marin-based corporation and one of them was recruiting me to come work for them. Lee told me he had applied for a position at that company. He asked me the guy's name wondering if he had chatted with him. I dug up the business card and handed it to him before going to the bathroom.
As I headed back to my office I saw Lee leaving the photocopier with a copy of the business card. He then said, "Maybe I should talk to this guy. Sounds like he has pull." I was speechless. I couldn't even say, "What the fuck?" He gathered up his computer bag and left saying, "Good to see you. Take care and let's do lunch again."
This time I took it personally.
I have an extremely high bar for what others too easily call a friend. My position, and has been my position for many years, is that we are all just acquaintances muddling our way through. Some of us have character, others don't. I have no friends except one old dude in NYC. But that guy has done so much for me and continues to be there for me no matter what. He has always been gracious and giving to my kids and wife. I would do almost anything he ever asked of me. I feel I owe him so much for helping me become the writer and poet I am. But that's it. No others. I have people I see from time to time who want to be friends, but I am not friend material. I do not stay in touch. I am not willing to do the work. I am quite skeptical of people who say they are my friend. I know better. And most people are greedy, selfish opportunists like your colleague. I say fuck em. Sounds like you do too.
ReplyDeleteOh, you have no idea! How familiar this is, and how timely! And you also inspired my current post with another of yours. I think we are having ESP connections or living in the same damn Karma.
ReplyDelete"One who's our friend is fond of us; one who's fond of us isn't necessarily our friend."
ReplyDeleteGeoffrey F. Albert
"Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you."
Yassir Arafat
"Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes. Keep this in mind, it may offer a way to make him your friend. If not, you can kill him without hate--and quickly."
Robert Anson Heinlein
D.L. Wood