Family Traits

Waiting
Photo by SB

I was going to write about the power of the comma, or some other minor topic until I read Dr. L's amazing post on acknowledging sexuality in her family. Please take a moment to read it before continuing on with my post. I will wait.

Here is the link.
Beautiful, wasn't it?

While reading it I remembered similar snippets of my family experiences and wanted to share my own story. As humans we all can trace part of what we have become to those who proceeded us in our families. This is true of our good and bad qualities. One of these parts I contribute to my lineage is that I enjoy an erotic, sensual existence.

"Moral" people disgust me with their living lies. Look at all the recent "moral" elected officials who have been caught dallying with mistresses, gay lovers, and interns. I don't judge their desires, I judge their hypocritical lives of judging me and then doing the same things. I am sure they were raised to be "moral" and "true." They were taught their way was the "true" way and to help save others who can be saved and throw the unsaved and "unsaveable" into repression and hell.

Like you, and every other human, I come from the result of sex (OK fellow Christians, I am sure someone will say there was one virgin birth, but I am not to going argue Jesus' birth status here). My parents have issues and faults that I am still working through, but a great positive thing that I got from them was to enjoy sex. They never preached on the morality of sex, but taught me the responsibilities that go with it.

When I was in second grade, I had a huge existential quandary. My parents never hid the fact that babies come from their mothers. I know I am my mother's son, but how am I my father's son? I asked my mom that same question after school.

My mom is a nurse and has seen it all. When I asked that question of her she was around 42 and was pretty damn wise. Her nursing persona took over and she told me about sex. She gave me the clinical description of everything from erections, sperm, eggs, penis, vagina, ...the whole medical textbook of it. After hearing the technical talk, I asked her something like, "Why would anyone want to do that?"

Her persona changed and she smiled, "It is fun. You'll figure that part out someday."

Every year during childhood I had a physical. One year the doctor noticed I had started puberty. He told my mom in private about it. After dinner my mom and dad wanted to talk to me alone and assured me nothing was wrong.

My dad started off by telling me I was becoming a man. My mom then told me that I was becoming sexually aware and that at times this could be awkward, emotional, and life changing. I already had started having those feelings, so I knew what they were saying. At this point, they gave me the responsibility talk. It was not a guilt talk though. They emphasized how important love was and that sex was a deep part of it.

Back then STDs were not a major concern with teens, but pregnancy was. They told me about condoms and said that if I was going to have sex, use them. They also told me about wet dreams and masturbation (I had already discovered that one, but did not tell them). All of this was done in an affirming, awkward (naturally so) and positive way.

Those memories came back to my consciousness by reading Dr. L's post. At the end of it, a deep set of memories congealed into a truth about the sexual side of my family beyond my parents.

My dad's dad was an artist. He manly painted landscapes of pastoral beauty. When he died, all of his paintings were distributed though the family.

One of the paintings we got was the one nude (that we know of) painting he created. The tall brunette is a classic beauty in a pose similar to Maxfield Parrish's, Ecstasy, but nude. Innocent yet very erotic. The skin tones, expression, and curves of the body were unmistakeably erotically tinged. You could tell it was not the usual stuff my grandfather painted because the "quality" of the finished product was not there as it was with his other works. Nudes were not his forte.

When I was in college, I was going through an old photo album of my grandparents. In one photo, there was the woman in the painting wearing a swim suit. She was so beautiful, so young, ... and so much my grandmother.

As I read Dr. L's post, I thought of that painting and it made me very happy and proud of my family by connecting that erotic love is a cherished part of it. My grandparents painted that nude during the Depression. By the looks of it, they weren't too depressed. That alone shows the power and beauty of our erotic selves to overcome the ugliness that "moral" humans bring upon humanity.

Waiting
Photo by SB

Photo note... I love working with these images of Candace and I love working with Candace.