Unbearable lightness of coincidence???

Those who follow this blog know about two of my friends here, Carla and Valya (follow these links to read my Proust interviews with them).  Valya modeled for me in June and helped me follow my art in a new direction.  Carla is a long time friend of this blog. 

The coincidence - Carla's old alias was UL or Unbearable Lightness which comes from one of  her favorite books, The Unbearable Lightness of Being.  She used this alias for years at her blog, What We Saw Today.  This morning, Valya published a post with the title Unbearable Lightness of Being along with a photo of her posing in an amazing yoga stretch position that communicates strength, flexibility, and grace all in one.

As a part time scientist, I believe in "pure coincidence" as well as the opposite of it.  For now though, I like seeing two parts of my life intersect, however briefly and potentially coincidentally. 

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view. - Sophia Loren

California Delta Fence - 121610

If you didn't grow up in agriculture/livestock regions, you may not know the main purpose of barbwire fences.  You would think they are there to keep predators away from your livestock. That is a small part of it.  The main purpose of barbwire fences is to keep your livestock in a controlled area and prevent them from running away, getting hit by a vehicle, or mingling with your neighbors herd.   The invention of barbwire transformed the West from wild openness to closed agriculture empires.

Joshua Tree National Park - 121610

There are so many barbwire fences in our lives - things meant to keep us in.  Seat belts, social norms, sidewalks (to keep us from wandering into the streets), offices, cubicles, etc.  Our houses are our places to live our lives without intruding into the public.  I can get naked, dress, eat, read, watch tv, view porn, make love, scratch, belch, go to the bathroom, yell, listen to music, and do my personal stuff at home without it escaping into the world. 

I am neither a fence builder nor a fence wrecker.  We need them for safety and privacy.  They also hinder us from exploring out of bounds -  like kids learning to use crayons in coloring book and told "stay in the lines".  Barbwire is designed to scratch and cut both ways... those trying to get in and those trying to get out.  Nobody every straddles or sits on barbwire fence due to indecisiveness due to the rusty barbs.  Either you are in or out.  The question becomes, when is it right to get out?

psst... not bragging... but my photos are in a book... and other stuff to chat about.

Hurray! - My New York stuff is finally in a book.  My fellow photographers from the local college and I produced a book of  our June trip to New York.  We submitted six photos each for the book.  You can see some of the great photos of people I've mentioned in this blog, including, Courtney, Mollee, Ron and Andrea.  I am proud of my photos and believe my fellow contributors put in their best stuff.  Valya and Moon didn't make it,  since those photos didn't fit the theme and feel of the book, although a couple were considered.   You can read my summary of the New York trip here.  You can also read about the tough photo selection process here. 

Sorry about yesterday's rant.  I am trying to stay away from politics in this blog, but some days are tiresome.

It rained hard yesterday in my area of California.  I love seeing how the world looks on a dark rainy day through a wet windshield.  It is how the world is.

We drove to Sacramento and went to the newly renovated Crocker Art Museum.  If you went to it before the grand re-opening, it was great regional art museum that drew some impressive shows.   With the remodel, they doubled exhibit space and have an amazing series of exhibits on African and Asian art, modern and postmodern art, European classics and one of the best western US and California landscapes paintings  and sculpture collections.  It is well worth the $10 adult admission.  The Wayne Thiebaud exhibit was may favorite.

Hogs and Heifers Bar- NYC 2010

Cul de sacs

Hana and Leila - 111610

The term cul de sac is French for "bottom of the bag."  That sounds about right.  I went for a walk this weekend in a new neighborhood full of them.  It kind of felt like living at the bottom of the bag, the end of a road.

I've been taking stock of my life a bit over the last few weeks.  One thing I've done is started identifying my personal cul de sacs.  These dead ends are things in my life I don't need to go down any further.  Some of them are hopes from my youth, desires that are no longer relevant, artistic pursuits and interests. 

DISCLAIMER - I support the LGBT community and want everyone to celebrate their sexuality.  I hope everyone has a rich, rewarding sex life. What I am about to say is not my judgment of these groups or their erotic love.  It is about my preferences.

When I look back at my images with Leila and Hana, I am now getting a feeling this is a cul de sac. 

I took those photos in 2004 and loved looking at them.  I appreciated the beauty, the lines, the moment from each image.  Hana and Leila shared the gift of their caring, passionate intimacy with me.  I was  aroused making them and working on them afterward.

Leila and Hana - 111610B

Since 2008, I've had other feelings about sapphic imagery.  These changes are due to many reasons.  One of the biggest is that I am finding them less and less arousing for my own personal desires.  Now when I see these photos, I see the deep attraction Leila and Hana felt for each other and shared off camera as well.

I wrote more about my evolving views on sapphic erotic imagery here (The appeal of sapphos and threesomes), where I go into much greater detail.  I fully support others taking these photos, but I think I am done.  I have reached the end of that cul de sac and it is time to find other things to photograph.

Photo note - I've used a black and white variation of this photo before.  I think the BW version is better, but I like the accent of Hana's red panties.  It adds a little pop to this image.  I would work with either of these models again... just not together.   The lightning struck once, and that was enough.  More photos of Hana and Leila.

Minimal

Moon - 102010

Do not speak unless you can improve the silence - Proverb

I wonder if the same can be said for art and photography.  Do not create unless you can improve on the absence of the art.


The same should go for writing, blogging and all other activities as well.  If what I am doing is not improving on the absence of it, then I shouldn't do it.  It is better to not plant something in the pixel forest than to have to thin it out later.



Ok, enough rambling. 

Photo note - I think the photo above is an improvement over the absence of it.  Thanks Moon.

The Rat Pack

Artist unknown

I just read  an interesting article at Slate.com about the formation of the Frank Sinatra's Rat Pack and how the original movie Ocean's 11personified this group.  Sinatra and his group of tag-alongs became the symbol of playboy masculinity of the late 1950's and early 1960's.  While I know of some of their hijincks, I didn't know the genesis of the pack.

Most people think the Rat Pack consisted of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Sammy Davis Jr. with Peter Lawford and Joey Bishop playing secondary roles.  According to the article, the group was formed in 1955 after Sinatra invited a group of friends to Vegas for days of non-stop partying.  At one point, Humphrey Bogart's wife, Lauren Bacall saw how hungover and worn out they all looked and said, "You all look like a goddamn rat pack."  The name stuck.  

That is a funny genesis story, but what shocked me was that the beginning Rat Pack had women in it.  Some of the female members were Judy Garland and Lauren Bacall.  These ladies were high-up officers in the club and participated in the fun. 

All this debauched antics and craziness took its toll on its members.  Bogart, the group's rat in charge of public relations, once shared with a reporter the packs self serving purpose was "The relief of boredom and the perpetuation of independence. We admire ourselves and don't care for anyone else."   Bogart died in 1957 from cancer.

I find it interesting that even back then, the burden of celebrity had made these people create a group to escape its traps.  They no longer wanted to be constrained with being role models and the boredom from that life. 

What has changed since then?  Not much.   Many celebrities have his/her own entourage they hang out with.  This loyal group of friends help the big name cope with it all.  This coping can manifest in true help or dangerous help, depending on the enabling intentions of the group.  Many celebrities also hang out together because who else understand you better than fellow celebs.  Maybe one change though is the growing number of female celebrity rat packs like Paris Hilton playing with the Karsdashians and others. 

So, where does all this rambling about the Rat Pack mean for us mere peasants?  We all seek to be part of communities that understand us.  We have churches, clubs, careers, charities, and other groups that share our interests and challenges.  I like to hang out with models, artists and photographers.  I also like to hang out with other loners (I know that doesn't make sense, but for most of us loaners, we enjoy spending time with one or two others who appreciate and respect each others' privacy). We talk the same language and share similar experiences.  We go out together to push ourselves (not quite like the original Rat Pack) yet also have a safety net group to come back to who understand us. 

Lightening the mood - gay marriage and reading in the pixel forest.

Las Vegas Shakedown - 2010

I have a very busy day at work.  I start a new photography class for the fall semester tonight.  In light of all this, I want to share a few funny items I found on the internet.

10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong by Will McGarvey

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

The horrors of reading from The Onion

Nation Shudders At Large Block Of Uninterrupted Text

Story Here!

If you are going to be a bear...

... be a grizzly.
This saying bothers me.  I get the obvious point, if you are going to be something, make it be the biggest/best.  I find it odd though how it sounds like an old saying but has become a meme (at least to me) in just the past few months.

I first heard it on the brilliant FX show Justified.  I then heard it again a week later on a very different show.  Since then it has popped up in articles, jokes, and other cultural arenas.  Once again, it sounds like an old saying, but why haven't I heard it before?

I've heard the old bear saying, "some days you get the bear, some days the bear gets you".  Of course there is the rhetorical question of, "Does a bear shit in the woods?"  ANSWER: Yes, and I stepped in it on a hike.

I grew up in and played around Montana.  I've seen black bears and grizzlies.  I have a can of bear spray.  My alma mater's mascot is the grizzly (I will send a one-of-a-kind, never published photo electronically to the first reader who correctly identifies the college through blog comment).  While living in a state with these beauties, I never heard that saying.

Some memes have very tangible roots, like the dancing baby, "Where's the beef?", and David after the Dentist (see below. I've been there David and feel your angst)   We spread these through word of mouth, email, twitter, blogs, and Facebook.  They become part of our current culture.

 


I guess the reason this saying is bothering me is that I don't know its history.  If I found out Teddy Roosevelt, Mark Twain or even  Sarah Palin coined it, I would be happy and move on.  I get annoyed by how these unattributed memes come to consciousness and spread like infections.  Maybe it will become like "Kilroy was here" and everybody will know it but not its origin.

What got me thinking about all of this was the movie Inception, which I saw last Sunday.  I liked, but not loved, the movie.  One interesting point in this film about dreams is where Leonardo's character, Dub, tells another that we never know or care how we got into the location in our dreams.  We just appear there and move on.  Nothing in our lucid life is like that.  We always know how we got to a point.  Maybe this is where I am bothered by the grizzly saying.  It is an overlap of experience between sleeping and awake.  It is one of those small moments/experiences I can not find a distinct attributable genesis of.

We expect the following in our dreams-  random things pop up and we don't notice them or question them.  They just are.  I can handle that in dreams, but when little things happen like that during consciousness I start wonder about them too much.  To me it means so much is happening below the surface of public consciousness that become the fabric of our culture and life.  Maybe I should accept these anonymous memes as part of life.


NOTE:  I grew up in a state where a grizzly kills a human every year or two.  To add to the tragedy, the grizzly will also be killed.  Much has been written about the human/nature animal boundary issues.  As we continue to build into former wilderness, we are going to see these tragedies continue.

I know a little bit about ursus arctos horribilis.  First, you don't want to see one up close.  Second, they are faster than you (sprints up to 30mph).  Third, they are big, up to 1200 pounds and standing over 9' tall.  They have decent senses of hearing and smell, but bad eyesight.  They are protective and reclusive.  They would rather not interact with humans, but if startled may charge.   

The photos above are of a life-sized plaster cast of a  grizzly sow footprint left in the mud in the Bob Marshal Wilderness area in western Montana.  I added my hand (I have big hands) and a pen to show scale.  After seeing that, you know why I have a very healthy respect for grizzlies.

Sex, Religion, and "American Values" - in their words

Candace - 081010

Interesting quotes on sex, religion and "American" values.
 

Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:  One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.  The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.  ~Butch Hancock

To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals.  ~Don Schrader

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope?  If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!  ~George Bernard Shaw


I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.  ~John Waters


Sudden acquaintance brings repentance.  ~Thomas Fuller

Conservatives say teaching sex education in the public schools will promote promiscuity.  With our education system?  If we promote promiscuity the same way we promote math or science, they've got nothing to worry about.  ~Beverly Mickins

Chastity:  The most unnatural of the sexual perversions.   ~Aldous Huxley, Eyeless in Gaza, 1936


The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.   ~Author Unknown


Virginity can be lost by a thought.   ~St. Jerome

The reproduction of mankind is a great marvel and mystery.  Had God consulted me in the matter, I should have advised him to continue the generation of the species by fashioning them out of clay.  ~Martin Luther

Those who have prophesied dreadful consequences as a result of the greater sexual freedom which the young assert - unwanted babies, venereal disease and so on - are usually the very same people who seek the fulfillment of their prophecies by opposing the free availability to the young of contraception and the removal of the stigma and mystification that surround venereal disease .  ~Colin Ward, Anarchy in Action


When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned.  Do not have sex with the authorities.  ~Matt Groening

Now, if groups like Moral Majority have their way, there won't be any sex education at school, and our kids will be the dumbest in the world when it comes to sex.... But our parents are sexually retarded too.... Fear and primitive morals are creating a sexual pressure-cooker in this country and soon the top will blow.... Only in the U.S. do we find children drawing a picture of a baby coming from the clouds or from under a cabbage leaf.  ~Floyd Martinson

This last quote says it all about how messed up our country is with body/nudity/sexuality issues in relation to religion and "American" values.  As Marlene Dietrich said:

Sex. In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact.

Dirty Things

Donna's Ranch Brothel - Wells, NV

A dirty book is rarely dusty.  ~Author Unknown

Not much to add to that quote other than it is true.  I guess it goes well with the saying of "a rolling stone gathers no moss".

Boredom and lust

Valya - 080710

Boredom: the desire for desires - Tolstoy

Ever notice how similar the body feels when overwhelmingly bored or full of lust?  You can feel both burning through your body and hear the crackle of electricity in your head.  The tingling static charge desiring to do something, whether a new adventure or sex consumes all you think about.  All you know while existing in either states is that something had better happen... now.  True hell is living in both simultaneously.

Lust is the craving for salt of a man who is dying of thirst - Frederick Buechner

Of all the worldly passions, lust is the most intense. All other worldly passions seem to follow in its train. - Buddha

Boredom

Boredom - LKillKira

Boredom: the desire for desires - Tolstoy

I was going to write a boring post about boredom.  I decided to research some boring boredom quotes to make it even more boring.  Sadly though I started to find the quotes about boredom to become an interesting philosophical exploration into human nature, which can be exciting for some and even more boring for most.

I scoured  many pages of "boredom" quotes.   Below are some I find interesting.  I tried grouping them into themes or dichotomies (such a boring word).   I added some of my thoughts if I felt they were either insightful or boring.

Boredom is the root of evil theme

Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need - Voltaire
Boredom is rage spread thin  - Paul Tillich
Boredom is always counter-revolutionary. Always.  - Guy Debord
Boredom is... a vital problem for the moralist, since half the sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it. -  Bertrand Russell
Idle people are often bored and bored people, unless they sleep a lot, are cruel. It is not accident that boredom and cruelty are great preoccupations in our time. -  Renata Adler

Two major causes for strife are boredom or desperate need.  Out of both we seek something we are missing.  The first is for excitement and novelty.  The latter is out of survival.  On second thought maybe both have common thread of survival.  It is hard to survive a boring existence.

Without evil, the world would be boring Theme 

Without lies humanity would perish of despair and boredom -  Anatole France 
Nature is unfair? So much the better, inequality is the only bearable thing, the monotony of equality can only lead us to boredom -  Francis Picabia 
Morality is a venereal disease. Its primary stage is called virtue; its secondary stage, boredom; its tertiary stage, syphilis.  - Karl Kraus 

Why do we love gossip and the poison pen?  Why do we seek to hear dirt on others?  Why do secretly, and not so secretly, enjoy seeing the misery of others?  If all the world was perfect, we would be so damned boring.  I may think I am above this, but I do take delight in seeing Bush, Cheney, Coulter, etc. when they step in something foul and get flailed in the media.

Passion and love leads to boredom theme

Love fed fat soon turns to boredom  - Ovid

 I guess I can only think of one point to sum this theme up for me.  Complacency = Boredom

Boredom leads to dying or death theme 

Is boredom anything less than the sense of one's faculties slowly dying? - Arthur Helps 
To do the same thing over and over again is not only boredom: it is to be controlled by rather than to control what you do.  - Heraclitus 

When we give into boredom, we slowly die.  We relinquish our passions, desires and controls in the desire of comfort.  Ever wonder why fancy coffins are padded and look so comfy?   The dead wont appreciate it. 

Boredom has its uses theme

Boredom, after all, is a form of criticism - Wendell Phillips

In marketing you must choose between boredom, shouting and seduction. Which do you want? -  Roy H. Williams
Your true traveller finds boredom rather agreeable than painful. It is the symbol of his liberty - his excessive freedom. He accepts his boredom, when it comes, not merely philosophically, but almost with pleasure. -  Aldous Huxley

Boredom has its uses.  It is a time to reflect on why we are bored, what have we done to get bored and what is next.  Similar to the "boredom is the root of evil" theme, boredom can be the springboard to future excitement.  Maybe we have to look at boredom in the same way as we should look at drugs   they are neither good or bad, it is how we use them that can be good or bad.  I can use my boredom to inspire me to hurt the world or I can use it to find my next path- even if it is just a trip to the garage to rebuild a carburetor. 

OK, now I am growing bored of this topic.  August is the month for boredom, so lets celebrate this boring time.

This and That

Katie - 060210

Still working on the Dennis Hopper reflection post. The more I learn about that guy, the more I respect him.  Overall I like him, but there was some parts of his life that make me cringe as I study him.  That makes me respect him a little bit more.

In less than two weeks I will be in New York.  I've arranged to work with one model and may try to line up another.  There is a lot of great talent in that city (probably one of my biggest understatements).

Piernas (Andrea on the hood of my old truck)

So, Al and Tipper are splitting.  It sounds like it was a mutual decision and may even be amicable.  I wish them both well.  Who would have thought they would split the blanket before Bill and Hillary?

As I've mentioned before, sometimes I have a hard time when someone gives me a "photo suggestion."  After seeing the photo below of Andrea's incredible legs stretched so beautifully across the hood of my truck, a female friend said, "Pretty photo.  You know what you should do (I always cringe when I hear that, but sometimes the idea offered is good), you should take a self portrait of you stretched across the hood wearing your cowboy boots to show a "reality vs. fantasy theme."  My response was something like, "interesting idea."  I could tell this was more of what she wanted to do.  I have enough memories of being in, on, under, every part of that truck and some were good,  fun,  humorous, and some I'd rather forget.  For me and what I wanted to photograph and give contextual meaning to, that image is enough.

Keepin' on the Sunny Side

New York MoMA - April 2009

Political mud slinging and grid lock, unemployment still high, banks still playing shenanigans, another former child star died too young as an adult, the great easy rider, Dennis Hopper, died, and the oil disaster in the gulf is wiping out an ecosystem.  It is getting hard to find anything to smile about, but that is what I need to do right now or I will just go deeper into that black hole.

Good things -

• My vertigo is gone
• Work is moving along
• My big art project is moving along.
• My yard's bark chipping is almost done
• My niece graduated from college
• I got a new 27" iMac which is much better to use for photo editing than my dimming 15" Macbook Pro
• I gave blood
• The moon is really pretty tonight
• Palomar is playing on my iTunes
• I just watched episodes of Justified and Californication  and recommend them both
• I am getting ready for my New York trip by arranging work with a model there 
• My wife and I are doing well
• My truck is busy being a truck by hauling bark chip and other yard stuff
• My 10+ year old dogs still love to play fetch and brawl with each other
• Some friends got new jobs, including one who could  not come out as lesbian at her old one in fear of losing her job
• A friend who has bad back pain was able to get some cortisone shots today
• There is fresh snow in the Sierras and one or two resorts are going to reopen for the weekend

Sometimes I have to just turn off the radio, computer, tv, and stop reading the news for a little while.  It gets to be too much too fast.  I don't want to disconnect from the world, just take a break and enjoy the things that are good.

I plan to write more about Dennis Hopper later.  He was a  big role model for me.

She Still Works Hard

Porn and Drugs

Classic Modern Leila

Dr. L over at What We Saw Today wrote about pornography again.  She discusses how the vague boundaries of porn makes it so hard to discuss and define.  All of this makes me think porn and drugs are related, but not in the way you may think.

I've written about pornography a bit too.  I've stated that I believe porn can be art, but not all porn is art.  I've made what most would consider porn.  I've viewed porn.  I am not going to define the boundaries between art, porn and erotica since all three can blend a bit for me.  While the content of the pornography varies and can be defended or blamed, I am not writing about content now.  I want to focus on porn usage.  My belief about porn usage is similar to that of drugs.  Neither are good or bad, it is the intention of the use that is "good" or "bad."

Along the way to getting my psychology degree I had to take both Use and Abuse of Drugs and Human Sexuality.  Both were great classes.  Both came with warnings and caveats.  Both courses were held in the largest auditorium on campus, seating 499 people.  Both classes were full. 

Follow the Arc

In the sex class, we were told on the first day that we could not bring friends, family or any other guest to the class unless they were registered.  The professors (one a behavioral biologist covering the physiology of sex, the other a social anthropologist, covering the cultural, historic, and other contextual aspects of sexuality) told us that we would become used to talking about sex openly and seeing explicit imagery in the class.  If we brought anybody from the outside, they would not  be "desensitized" to the this content and may become distressed.  What a titillating hook!  That made me want to attend class even more.  It was a great class where I learned more about human sexuality than the rest of life could teach me.  We always joked that the lectures were good, but the labs were the best!

The drugs course was a tough class.  We had to learn about the different classifications, uses, and outcomes of using drugs.  Twenty-one years later, I think I've forgotten most of that stuff, which is funny since I work for a drug company.  The main lesson I learned was something the professor stated on the first overhead transparency (pre-Power Point days).

Drugs are neither good or bad, it is how we use them that are good or bad.

The Blessed Ludivica Albertoni 1 - Classic Porn?

All pharmaceutical companies have to monitor the safety of their products.  Every drug has side effects and issues.  By tracking each adverse event and determining the risk/benefit of the product in a process called pharmacovigilance, we strive to give the patients and their health care providers the best information to make needed decisions.

Risk/benefit is a very gray area.    Here is a fictional, but common scenario, I have cancer that will kill me in 5 months.  If I take drug X, it has shown to increase survival rates by up to three years.  The major side effects are nausea and joint pain.  There is a toxicity issue that if taken more than five years, the drug will cause serious and permanent kidney and liver damage that is probably fatal.  Those are pretty bad risks, but the probability that I would live past five years is almost nil making the kidney and liver damage issue moot.  As for the nausea and joint pain, I have to decide if the quality of life issues caused by those side effects are worth it to live another few years.   The risk/benefit equation tips toward benefit.

The Blessed Ludivica Albertoni 2 - Detail

Now lets take the same scenario, but make the disease psoriasis.  Psoriasis is a severe disease, but not fatal.  The risk/benefit equation tips toward risk and the drug should not be given.

If we look at risk/benefit for illegal drugs or drugs that can be used for illegal purposes, it gets complicated.  Marijuana has both risks and benefits.  For cancer and AIDS patients, it can help them survive and lessen the symptoms.  For the pot smokers just wanting a great afternoon of watching Threes Company and toking a bowl, the equation is different.  When we look at E, ruffies, heroin, cocaine, crack, vicodin, huffing glue, meth, the risk/benefit equation heavily tilts toward risk.


Good/Bad, Risk/Benefit as related to porn usage.

In Dr. L's post, she mentions that serial killer Ted Bundy blamed porn as the cause of his crimes.  Whether his statement is true and how true it is, his usage suggests a bad use for porn.  I doubt that porn made him do it, but I can't rule out that it had an influence.  With his case, my assessment is bad use, heavy risk.

Many men in committed relationships view porn.  For some it is just a quick tension release and doesn't affect relations with their partners and family.  It is similar to enjoying a beer after a day's work and relaxing.  In that case I would assess it as good use, good benefits.

Stirred 2 (still baffled why you would need wifi at a brothel)

Many men in committed relationships view porn for hours, masturbating with it daily or even more frequently.  They would rather do that than have sex with their significant others.  There could be many reasons they are not seeking their partner (partner is not interested or is unable to have sex, emotional issues, etc.).  If this use of porn is leading to problems and addictions, I assess it as bad use, risky.

Those are enough scenarios, you can look at how it can help couples explore and have more fun or how it leads people into riskier activities in search of the next hot stimulating thing.  All of them are on that good/bad, risk/benefit scale.

So, which is it for you?  Do you abstain from using it?  Are you a recovering addict?  Are you a recreational user?  Do you use it to improve a healthy sex life?


Side not that is barely related to the topic.
My city of 135K+ souls has only two bookstores, both "adult" and neither really have any books in them.  We have Pier One Imports, Best Buy, Home Depot, Petco, Costco, Target, Walmart, Olive Garden, and sales lots for every major car manufacturer, except Ford.  Makes me wonder what our community really thinks is important to consume.  Literature is not on the list.

Busy, busy, busy and bubble think.

Candace - 050510

Book club, upcoming photo class to NYC, yard work, helping others move, and life. 

Here is a great article about "bubble think" from Slate.  I recommend reading it.  I am guilty of it and need to branch out my information exposure.  This goes for art as well.  Even if I don't like something, I need to start spending more time looking at it to determine why I feel that way and articulate better than, "It sucks."  My first will be Diane Arbus's work.  Never liked it.  Now I need to figure out why.  It will make me a better photographer.


Enjoy the article.

Photo note - never get tired of finding more gems from my work with Candace.  This is a simple one, maybe even cliche, but I am happy with it.  The focus could be a little better though.

Generation Scold*

Candace - 050210 - desat

My body is a stiff wreck after helping a friend and her partner move ten blocks in SF yesterday.  So much for the yard work I will need to do.  I may be lucky to get a few flowers planted though.

During my Sunday morning ritual at a coffee shop, I did some reading at Slate titled Bring Back Boobquake by Hanna Rosin and the backlash against it by some feminists.  That article linked to another titled Generation Scold* by Jessica Grose  In it, the author presented the notion that the generation known as the "millennials" heap scorn upon those who are bit too sexually promiscuous for their tastes.  This open scorn of anyone is a shift in gender definition that may help equalize the perceptions of sex, but also take the adventure out of it.

Candace - 050210 - BW

In many cultures, the man who gets the most girls is seen as a stud by his peers and playboy, at worst, by everyone else.  Hooking up with as many women was lauded as a alpha male virtue.  The opposite was true about the perception of women.  If a woman had many sexual partners, she was a "slut" or worse.  Being sexually promiscious held negative attributes for women.  This was the big double standard of sexuality, men became heroes, women became tramps.  

With the maturing of the millenials, this is changing.  Both the male and female with multiple partners are seen as sluts and are looked down upon as part of the hyper-sexuality running through our culture.  As the story states, this generation grew up and were disgusted by the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal as well as other influences that formed these beliefs.  This shift may lead the end of the double standard, but at what cost?

This makes me wonder if the taboo of sexuality and openness of enjoying the sensual gifts we have is going to shrivel.  Will both genders suffer for this?  I do not hold anyone who is sexually open up higher or down lower in my perception of them.  They are who they are.  I may judge how they treat the people they are with and admonish them for hurting people with sex, but just having multiple lovers is not a plus or minus for me.  My hope is that they are happy with who they are, what they are doing and are careful.

Photo note - experimentation with a close up crop of big image of Candace.  I like her eyes in these and I like how she looks like she is laying down in the cropped versions.  The original is below.

Candace 050210

Resting

Leila - 042610 - Desat

I had a full weekend of yard work, a wedding, painting a relative's car bumper, and more yard work.  All of these were rewarding and worth doing, but I was saddened to hear about a friend who is being hurt by another. 

My backyard is starting to look good for the upcoming summer.   I removed all the old bark chip from the past four years, repaired the ground cloth under it and then put down a cubic yard of new chip.  There is still one huge task of pulling up a stone area and putting ground cloth under it to keep the clover from overtaking it.  After that, I have to do the usual tree pruning, cutting back the neighbor's invasive bamboo and ivy, harvesting meyers lemons, and general maintenance.

I photographed the wedding for fun.  I was not the designated photographer.  I found that I am much better at capturing the special moments rather than setting up the formal portraits.  Since this was for fun, I did none of the latter.

Leila - 042610 - Color

I've noticed since I took a few auto body classes and did much of the work on my truck many acquaintances ask for help.  I am pretty good at telling them if I can do the job or not and the quality they should expect out of it.  For this project, I assured him a "20/20" job.  The rear bumper will look good from 20 feet away or driving by at 20mph or faster.  It turned out a little better than expected.

I will not go into detail, but I heard from a friend who is being screwed over by a former partner.  The whole situation sucks and from the looks of it, everyone is going to get hurt in the end.  Some have already inflicted pain and I see more hurt coming.  All this makes me wonder who can be trusted any more.  So much for the honorable handshake. 

As for photos, I found this little gem of Leila hiding out in my old computer files.  Sometimes I need to play with a simple image and get back to basics.  Obviously I experimented with it in Lightroom.  The more I experiment with de-saturating the image, but keeping some color tonality, the more I like it.  For this image though, I think I like the color version better.  Nothing against color or b/w in general, but it is fun to play on this new-to-me avenue.  I may have to write more about it later... or not.

Leila - 042610 - BW

A Montana Soap Opera

Site of the Moment - Going by at 80MPH

While driving around Montana, almost every historic landmark records the location’s importance to one of three events in the state’s history:

• The Lewis and Clark Expedition
• The Battle of the Little Bighorn (Custer’s curtain call)
• Chief Joseph and the Nez Perce’s exodus across the state as they tried to escape the US Calvary and flee to Canada

I grew up in the south central part of the state in Billings.  Billings had all three of these historical events happen in close proximity to it. Custer and his cavalry were wiped out about 50 miles to the southeast. Chief Joseph and his tribe had a minor skirmish near the town of Laurel, about 20 miles west. William Clark, Sacagawea, and a portion of the Corp of Discovery came down the Yellowstone River that flows along the south side of the city on their way back east.

Of all three, I’ve studied the Lewis and Clark expedition the most and feel a deep sense of pride of living in the area they explored. Their mission was to explore the Louisiana Purchase and find a Northwest water passage from the Mississippi to the Pacific Ocean. While everyone on the entire trip is worth learning about, my hero of the expedition was Sacagawea and I want to write about her today.

Sacagawea was a Shoshone woman who was kidnapped as a child by the Sioux Indians. When she was a young teenager, a French trapper named Charbonneau won her in a game of chance.  By the time she was fifteen, she had married him and was pregnant when they met Lewis and Clark in current North Dakota during the first winter of their expedition.

Lewis and Clark hired Charbonneau as a guide for the next year’s trek to the Pacific. Charbonneau was a lousy guide and worthless to the expedition.  Sacagawea became a leader, guide, naturalist, interpreter and many-time savior of the expedition while taking care of her newborn son.

One of Sacagawea’s first heroic actions was when she calmly rescued the provisions, scientific equipment, journals and other essential items that had fallen into the Missouri River after her husband’s boat had tipped. Without her quiet determination, much of the important information of the trip would have floated away.

The expedition met other Indian tribes along the trail. Almost all of these interactions were peaceful due to the fact that the local tribes felt the group must be peaceful since they brought a woman along and that she was the interpreter.

While every day was part of the soap opera, the story grew more and more intense as they tried to find a water way over the Rocky Mountains of current Montana. They kept going up the Missouri to its headwaters and then up the rivers that joined to create that river at current Three Forks. They were running out of summer days and knew the winter snows were coming soon. If they did not get over the mountains before the snow fell, they would have to survive the winter in Montana. They did not have the provisions, lodging or other key items to do it though.

At the most desperate moment when they were at the end of the one of the tributaries, they saw some Shoshone braves on a hill. The braves reluctantly invited the explorers back to their camp. As the expedition and the tribal leaders sat around a fire, Lewis and Clark tried requesting help getting more supplies and information about getting over the mountains. Even with Sacagawea’s interpretive help, things weren’t going well.

At one point, Sacagawea became quiet, started shaking and crying as she looked at the Shoshone chief Cameahwait.  She suddenly sprang up, calling his name, hugging him and crying. He looked at her and started crying and hugging her. She had found her brother… the only surviving member of her family from the time she was kidnapped.

With that warm bond restored, the Shoshone offered horses, supplies and a guide for trade to help them get over the mountains. Due to this help, the expedition barely made it to the Pacific before winter.

Now is that the ultimate soap opera moment or what? All was about to be lost and through the love of brother and sister reunited, all was saved. Every time I think of that moment, I imagine being there and witnessing how the moment changed history in the instant.

Sacagawea helped the expedition the whole way. While Lewis and Clark loved and respected her and often treated her as an equal, it was not easy for the fifteen year old woman. At the end of the trip, she and Charbonneau were released from their contract. Sadly, she died almost a decade later.

The location of the family reunion is now under the Clark Reservoir in southwestern Montana. I drove by it on Sunday and remembered the history lesson this place held. Never underestimate the importance of anyone. She or he may become the most important person instantly.

If you want to learn more about the Lewis and Clark expedition, I suggest watching Ken Burn’s excellent documentary about them. Much of it was beautifully filmed in Montana and the story he shares is well worth it.

The Nature of the Beast

 Menage a...

Last night I wrote a long post about the rights of the models and the subjects of photos.  I was in a pretty defensive mood and felt undervalued as a photographer when I wrote it.  This morning I was very enthused to see Dr. L had left two great comments.  Both were very enlightening.

When I look at glamor and celebrity (not paparazzi) photography, I know the purposes of the images are about the person and/or what they are wearing.  The photographer is usually the silent partner in the final image and is rarely given credit to the photographer.  The reader of the magazine turns the page or the driver passes the billboard never knowing, needing to know, or caring about who took that photo.  Any photographer in that line of work knows their name will not be known outside the industry, but will be known inside by the media companies, models, and other photographers.  That is the nature of the beast of glam/fashion/celebrity photography. 

On rare occasions, media companies will hire big named photographers like Annie Leibovitz, Richard Avedon  or Dan Winters to create fashion and/or celebrity images.  In those instances, it is the media company's desire to leverage the names of the products, celebrities and photographer.  If they can hire all that talent, it would be foolish not to use all the names.  It is the nature of that beast.

When art models work with photographers, the balance is very complicated.  I've been blessed to work with Candace Nirvana and Leila Swan.  They are two very different models.  Candace's work celebrates the beauty and subtle eroticism of the female form.  Leila's work has a much more explicit erotic touch.  It is what makes them unique in their industry.

Both Candace and Leila have much bigger names in the industry than I do and I felt honored by their modeling for me.  In both cases I payed them a fair fee which I was happy to do.  I knew I was working with professionals that would work hard with me to create the best we could together.  They both also had more to lose if I took lousy images of them.  As you can guess, I do have a few bad images of them.  The lighting and composition was poor, they were just about to sneeze and their eyes were half closed, or a range of other mishaps occurred in that moment.  I deleted them because it would hurt all of our reputations if I let them out.  Since they are better known and searched for more often, they have more to lose.  Along those lines, I always give the models I work with digital copies of our work for their own promotional needs.  Since I am a small fish, their name helps build my reputation.

If my last name was Weston and I came from that great lineage, I would probably have the recognized name.  I would need to make sure every image I put out in my name was as good or better than my previous work.  So much of my business and reputation relies on keeping the name, the brand, and the quality up.  I am sure many models would want to work for me due to these high standards and to help beef up their resumes and portfolios.  In those cases  I would allow them to use the images for self-promotion, but would need to keep a tight control on other uses of the image.  It is already too easy to steal others' work on the internet.

This balance of model and photographer name value needs to be considered to protect both parties.  Even though I am a artistic nude neophyte, I need to protect my reputation.  I hope the models I work with will respect that and also protect theirs as well.  That is why I would never sleep with a model or break comfort boundaries when working with them.  We may want to push the boundaries a little to see what edge we can create, but in a safe environment.  I admit that I can get aroused during a session, but I also get deeply engrossed in the moment, the light and the image.  It all has to balance out for the art.

Sadly though too many amateur photographers out there are GWCs, guys with cameras.  They are there to get "hot pics of smokin' babes."  I admit that I like the voyeuristic feel of being behind a camera, but my intent goes a bit further.  Too bad though so many gwc's are fucking it up for us decent amateur photographers, but I guess that is the nature of the beast.

While reading Dr. L and Alex's post I was trying to find another professional relationship to compare it to.  One I can think of is the relationship of the chef and the wait staff.  The chef is the artist creating the culinary marvels.  The challenge though is to create the marvels the customers want and that they feel they want to make.  The wait staff is the special liason between the customers and the chef.  The customers do not get to see the chef or talk to her since that is the job of the waiter.  The waiter though must be skilled in knowing the food, what to suggest for the varying palettes, pairing everything with the right wine, and ensuring the flow of the kitchen to the table is paced perfectly.  Both are crucial to making the dinner perfect through a deep symbiotic relationship.  The chef gets the notoriety and the waiter gets the tips.  Neither really expect to receive the others' rewards.    It is the nature of that beast.

I am not sure if the photographer is the waiter or the chef as with the model.  Maybe they are not completely analogous, but I like the example since it shows the true symbiotic relationship for success.  The rewards for both are very different, but that is nature of the beast.

I have not had the privilege to be requested by an art model to photograph their concept and then work with them directing the session.  I was asked by one model to photograph her nude while she held animal entrails.  She wanted to make a statement about pornography and being a piece of meat.  Sadly though she had a family tragedy that took her out of the area and we never got past the concept stage.

In that type of relationship between model and photographer, I would probably download my images to her computer, sign a contract, take my fee and hope she sends me some samples of our work.  In my mind she would own the copyright to those images.  Sadly though, this is a beast that has no nature because I doubt I will have that opportunity again.

In the end, all of these relationships have been defined by the nature of the beasts we work with.  Usually one of the participants, the photographer, model or agency, has the power and leverage.  While we may try to protect ourselves and our name, we can't control it all.  The best we can hope for is that all parties communicate their needs and desires up front and then respect each other after the moment is over.


PS - Tomorrow we are in for a special treat as a surprise guest to this blog answers the questionnaire.  I feel it is a major coup to introduce this fine person...