Bad Dreams

Since I was about 22, I've had sleeping problems. I sleep talk, sleep walk, have night terrors, among some of the near nightly events. Almost every night is a dark tour of persecution, fear, and anxiety. Let me tell you about a few of the incidents.

One night I knew we were in our bedroom. There was somebody else in the room that was going to kill us with a knife. I said out loud to my wife, "He is in here and we need to get out, but if we move he will see us." Needless to say that freaked her out.

Last night I dreamed that my wife had read my creative journal (very private to me) and had written comments of disgust in them. I slept walked down a flight of stairs to find my journal to and read her comments.

A week ago, after reading a bit about 2257 and censorship, a number of photographers in my dream were accusing me of stealing their photos and were tagging all my photos on the internet as fraud. I went down to my computer to see how bad it was. Of course nothing like that had happened.

Many of the dreams are horrific and gory. Animals or people being dismembered with noise and smell and all of it and some sinister being saying I am the reason for the suffering, but not telling me why I am the reason. At first I am anxious in the dream, but I've had these so many times that I realize I am dreaming and wake up. The bad part is that when I fall back to sleep, the dream continues on like a bad soap opera through the night.

One night, I thought some thugs were breaking into my car in front of my house, so I went outside barefoot, wearing my pajamas, carrying a can of pepper spray. It was all a dream. I am glad I did not try to get my gun. Since then, I've locked away my firearms.

My wife will usually ask me in a a loud voice, "Are you dreaming?" That usually stops me in my tracks as I wander out of the room. I will then spend a bit of time either explaining to her what is happening and she becomes part of the dream, or I stay quiet and try to figure out what is real and is not. She knows that if I am heading to the bathroom, that is just a natural event. If I am heading for the bedroom door, I need to be stopped.

When I sleep walk, I know where I am, it is always in my home. I never sleep walk when I am sleeping in a strange place (hotels, camping, etc.). I think that is because my eyes are open and the image of the strange setting is different than the familiarity of my room, so it wakes me up.

All of the dreams where I get out of bed our talk or take any real physical action have the common theme of me being persecuted. I am not getting whipped or hurt, but I am getting stalked or something I care about is being damaged, hurt, or killed. The anxiety this causes makes me want to check to make sure everything is OK.

Ever since I can remember, my dreams have always been vivid, and feel so real. As a kid I would have recurring dreams in the exact same place and situation. They were not all bad or good dreams, just every few years, the same dreams would pop up again.

My biggest fear is that I am going to hurt someone. I also fear that I am going to fall or get hurt. I have good dreams most night as well.

Most mornings I wake up refreshed so I am not feeling exhausted. I love the good dreams. They are an unexpected gift that I relish the next day, especially the sexy ones.

I don't snore much according to my wife, so I don't think it is sleep apnea. I try to watch what I eat so I don't have acid reflux. I've tried sleeping on my side, back, stomach, with extra pillows, with no pillows. None of that helps. I have the problem when I am thin or thick.

Unless I sleep in different beds every night, I don't know what to do. I am getting tired of this, no pun intended. Is this something that can be treated or is it something I need to live with?


NOTE - Photos found without citations. I usually don't like to use uncredited photos, but these images were important for today's post.