Our American Obsession(s) (Part 1)

Marlene Deitrich
Photographer - Unknown

"Sex. In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact."

-- Marlene Dietrich

Why is this so true about America? Why are we so obsessed with sex? In my opinion we have two obsessions with sex in America.

1. The sex we want, but can't have. (Part 1)
   
2. The sex we don't want others to have. (Part 2, tomorrow)
   

The sex we want, but can't have. We are obsessed with things we can not have. We want the bigger car. We want the big house (I don't call them homes). We want the fancy new IPhone. We really want wild sex. We want a threesome with the two hot twins. We want to do it outside and almost get caught. We want to try a bisexual experience. We want to hookup with that hotty in accounting. We want anal sex. We want to be bound and gagged and forced to lick somenone's shoes clean. We want the sex you see on Desperate Housewives, Greys Anatomy, Entourage, The Sopranos, and MTV. We want the sex we imagine our friends and neighbors have.

It is not only that we want it. We feel we need it. We feel we are not living the American dream with out it. We feel lesser for it. We know it may be bad for us. We know it could destroy our relationships. We know we could catch a disease and spread it to people we love. We don't care. We need it.

Is this obsession stemming from the fear we are missing out on something so grand? Is it stemming from our need to keep up with our friends and neighbors? Is it like the obsession for the big Cadillac Escalade? Is it part of our psyche that we must consume things to feel complete? Maybe.

Let's think about that for a moment. Do we need to consume sex like we consume material goods like cars and Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Are we consuming it to fill an empty emotional need related to materialism? Ouch, that hurts.

We have access to satisfy any type of sexual desire we could want. Some are legal and acceptable, some are so horrendously illegal and deviant. Most, probably, are in between... in that grey area. If we are willing to spend money, we can get it.

Is our obsession for sex a drug? The chemical surges that flow through our body when we are aroused and desiring or acting on our desires is a major high. Are we addicted to that? I wonder how the levels of sex addictions in the USA compare to other countries.

Is our obsession for sex fueled by impossible expectations propogated by a popular media and culture? Many people chastise popular media for setting up unrealistic physical expectations for how women and men should look. Brad and Angelina are idolized (and I will admit, both are very easy on the eyes) for their beauty. We feel pressured to look like them. Is this the same for sex?

We see so much sex in popular media. It is in the music, videos, books, magazines, tv, movies, and of course, the internet. Are we feeling inadequate because we aren't having the crazy sex that is shown?

Ok. So I think we are obsessed about the sex we aren't having. How are other countries dealing with it? As Marlene said, sex "... in other parts of the world [is]a fact." I feel part of this is due to the nosiness our culture has about others' sex lives. We need to know what everyone else is doing. We need to watch Paris Hilton's home-sex movie. We need to know about Brad and Angelina's sex life. There is no privacy because we need to know what you are doing in your bedroom.

I lived in Spain for a few months. I loved it there. It is a sexy culture. The people I saw in my day-to-day life were sexy. They knew how to dress. They knew what looked good on them. They knew how to flirt. While all of that was great, the sexiest part was they didn't care what you did behind your closed doors. That libertarian ideal was so refreshing. Of course they would not accept child abuse and other horrible sexual situations, but if it was between two consenting adults, it was fine. It was not a big scandal if a gay couple moved in next door. They were just neigbors. One of my favorite Spanish memories was on a warm October day walking on a nude beach. It was a public beach that had families, couples, singles, everybody walking around in some level of being dressed... or not. Toward the end of the walk I saw a sight that simbolizes this attitude of openess. There was a naked guy in his sixties talking with a fully-clothed guy (trousers, collared shirt, shoes, socks) about the same age who was walking his dog. They didn't feel awkward standing by eachother. It looked like two neigbors chatting about painting the fence. Can you imagine this going on in America?

So, we obsess about that which we can not have. Because of this we crave it all the more. Speaking for myself, I've done stuff in my life. I've taken and created opportunities to scratch unique itches (obsessions) because I felt I needed to do it. I am as obsessed with sex as the next American. What I have written above is not a judgement on others. I am part of it too. While I may not be as materialistically obsessed as my neighbors with their two huge fucking SUVs, I do tend to swing toward the erotic.

Part of my obsessions are to scratch those sexual itches. Others were to have a secret. Isn't it grand to have done something that few others have and to wear that knowing smile? I am not proud of everything I have done. I have emotionally hurt myself and others. While that was not my intent and is a deep regret, it is the truth.

I've been fortunate to have shared sexual experiences that were not a part of my need to build a collection of sexual conquests. Those are the ones that I truly smile about. They may have been a long term relationship or just a one-night experience, but they are treasured.

So, enough about me. Let me get back to discussing our first American obsession with sex, obsessing for thing we do not have. Have you ever obsessed about something so much that you desire it all costs? You see others getting it and feel hurt that you can't have it. Over time your atitude unconciously shifts to despising that which you want. Some part of your brain below concious thought has changed to the idea, "If I can't have it, neither can you." I wonder if this is one reason why we obsess about the sex we don't want others to have.