In the Closet

The Wind Becomes You
Photo by SB

Yesterday I read a post by Josh at Monkey Metal Photography. In it he asks:

How many of you are in the closet? No, not sexually, photographically. Have you told your friends, neighbors, family, that you’re a photographer or model? More specifically your nudes, your sexually themed images. How many of you hide it? Don’t talk about it except with other photographers or models?

I raise my hand. I am semi-closeted photographically. My real name obviously is not SB. If you perform a search on my real name, you will find my non-photographic professional work . You will not find any of the nudes I've published on this blog.

Who knows my truth? My wife pretty much knows it, maybe not the depth, but the overall story. My parents know I've photographed nudes, but we don't talk about it. There are many issues that I am not ready to deal with concerning them. As for other members of my family and friends, we enter a gray area. Some know everything, others know nothing. My coworkers know nothing about my nude photography.

Why am I keeping it quiet? My money making job may be at risk if I was open, especially when applying for new positions.

Do I feel shame about what I do? I don't think I do. I might though and have not really dealt with those issues yet. I think part of it is I get tired answering the same questions over and over again. Another passion of mine is restoring old vehicles. I don't share that interest with everyone either. Not everyone gets it and it easier to keep my involvement within a community of like-minded friends.

Will I ever come out fully? My intent is to answer, "Yes." I am hoping and planning that in the next year or two I will be able to leave my current money-making profession to enter photography as a career. At that time, I don't think I will care so much about my public persona.

The last sentences in Josh's final paragraph is a lesson I need to learn and use as a rallying cry to support our art.

We have to stop hiding our work, and ourselves, in order to change peoples attitudes.

PS - I recommend you take a look at Monkey Metal Blog. The writing is unique and the photos are fantastic.

A Funny Moment

In Between
Photo by SB

A funny thing happened during the photo shoot with Candace. We had just finished up our first hour of work. She was standing naked in the studio's doorway cooling in the breeze when she noticed a mark on my arm.

"What's your tattoo?" she asked.

"It's henna... tattoo of a Celtic symbol." I replied while I adjusted a light.

She then asked as she took a drink of water, "Do you have any permanent tattoos?" .

"Nope, I want one some time, but I wont get one until I know what I want it to be and where to put it." I replied as I checked my white balance settings.

"How about you, do you have any tattoos?" I asked and then blushed deeply and started laughing as I looked at her naked form that I've been photographing for the past sixty minutes. "I guess I haven't seen the bottoms of your feet yet."

She thought that was funny too.

In Between
Photo by SB

A fast tour of Paris in the Early Morning

This will not be my only post today, but it will be the fastest one.

This is a cute little love story for manly men. The love story comes to a conclusion during the last 10 seconds of the 8 minute video. Here is the back story to the short movie shot in Paris.

C'était un rendezvous: A 1978 short film by New Wave director Claude Lelouch* may be the most thrilling single piece of driving ever filmed. The director, who had no permits to film or to stop traffic, hooked a camera to the front bumper of a Mercedes-Benz (in the only bit of film trickery, the sound of the motor was played by a five-speed Ferrari) and filmed the entire movie in a single cinema-verité take: He drove through the streets of Paris at five in the morning, through red lights, around the Arc de Triomphe, down the Champs-Élysées, against one-way traffic, over sidewalks, at speeds up to 140 miles per hour. The film ends after nine terrifying minutes when the driver parks the car in Montmartre and a blonde comes up the stairs toward Sacre Coeur. (It was a date.) After the first showing, the director was arrested for endangering public safety. SLATE.COM

One of my favorite sounds is a well-tuned performance engine. The dubbed Ferrari does well. I don't blame you if you skip to the end to see the romance. It is a sweet ending. You can see why the driver was in a hurry. I imagine Dr. L would be the perfect actress to play the lady running up the stairs.


C'était un Rendez-vous de Claude Lelouch from Grandes cortos on Vimeo.

C'etait un Rendezvous - Watch more Funny  Videos

Claude Lelouch's Rendezvous... from Dat on Vimeo.

Double Posts Today

I felt I had to get both these out today since they refer to July 4th yet are worthy of their own space. Actually, I guess this makes it a triple.

Shut Out the Lights

Photo untitled and unattributed

As we are starting to see some of our troops come home, I wonder how they are doing. I know one soldier who went to Iraq twice and his transitions home have been very difficult. On this Independence Day, I want to reflect on the woman and men returning from horrors we can not imagine. I probably cant comprehend what they saw and what they may have had to do while over there. So sad.

I heard the song, Shut Out the Lights, by Bruce Springsteen on the way home from the mountains. Listening to the lyrics about pain of the main character of the song is hard. Listening to the words about the awkward pain of the family makes it even harder. No one knows how to be with him, including himself.

Shut Out the Lights
Bruce Springsteen

The runway rushed up at him as he felt the wheels touch down
He stood out on the blacktop and took a taxi into town
He got out down on Main Street and went into a local bar
He bought a drink and found a seat in a corner off the dark
Well she called up her mama to make sure the kids were out of the house
She checked herself out in the dining room mirror
And undid an extra button on her blouse
He felt her lying next to him, the clock said 4:00 am
He was staring at the ceiling
He couldn't move his hands

CHORUS
Oh mama mama mama come quick
I've got the shakes and I'm gonna be sick
Throw your arms around me in the cold dark night
Hey now mama don't shut out the light
Don't you shut out the light
Don't you shut out the light
Don't you shut out the light
Don't you shut out the light

Well on his porch they stretched a banner that said "Johnny Welcome Home"
Bobby pulled his Ford out of the garage and they polished up the chrome
His mama said "Johnny oh Johnny, I'm so glad to have you back with me"
His pa said he was sure they'd give him his job back down at the factory

CHORUS

Well deep in a dark forest, a forest filled with rain
Beyond a stretch of Maryland pines there's a river without a name
In the cold black water Johnson Lineir stands
He stares across the lights of the city and dreams of where he's been

Returning Coffins at Dover
Defense Department Photo

Simple Beginnings

Simple Beginnings
Photo by SB

Here is the second photo I took during my photo shoot with Candace. Since this was my first time in my new garage... err... studio, I needed to learn its space. I am very happy the second photo came out so well. Below is the same photo in color.

Last night I wrote a slightly inebriated blog ending with my desire to see fireworks today. I love watching the professional fireworks shows. In my youth I enjoyed lighting my own, but that has lost its charm. Today I read a personal and thought provoking post by Dr. L about the harsh downside of fireworks, the danger to animals and humans that are sensitive to the noise. Her post is making me rethink the fireworks appeal. It definitely changed my mind about personal firework usage.

Simple Beginnings
Photo by SB

Confirmation...

Symmetry
Photo by SB

I just talked with the model I am photographing tomorrow. We are working on transportation logistics since she is visiting the SF area. It feels good to get the confirmation as it gives me the energy to complete the set up of my studio. I have to sweep and dust one more time, set up the backdrop and lighting, set up the computer and the... wait, that is the secret part.

I have a question about Michael Jackson's will. Didn't he own the Beatles catalog? What will happen to that? I really hope it will be be put on iTunes so I can finally buy some of their music.

I guess this is a rambling post. If you want to read some substance, I suggest you go to WHAT WE SAW TODAY. Joe and Dr. L. both provided great posts. Joe's post about coming home to Detroit after falling in love with New Orleans is very deep felt and personal. Dr. L.'s post about true love and our inability to celebrate it should make everyone ask themselves about their own love and ambitions.

My Old Girl
Photo by a family member