"I Ache in Places Where I Used to Play"

Bad Luck
Photo by SB

Over the past year I've tried listening to more Leonard Cohen music. I am drawn to it for his voice and how he uses it to share his poetry through the music.

I am at a point in my life where I can still do much of the stuff I did when I was younger, yet I am starting to pay a price for it the next day or two. I may go and workout and still perform well, but I can tell those days are in the decline. This is not to say I am feeble, just that at 40, my joints and muscles and other body parts have seen a lot of action and have some wear and tear. Those issues don't have a warranty though. As Cohen sings in the number, Tower of Song, "I ache in places where I used to play."

When I was 20, I remember seeing my dad at 54 completing his last marathon. He did not start running until he was 43. In those eleven years, he ran five or six marathons and one 50 mile race. After his last marathon, he knew was going to retire from both work and long distance running. He is 74 now and still trots a three miles, three times a week and still hikes 12+ mile day hikes in Glacier Park. I marvel at his fitness and hope I can do half of what he does at his age. The sad part though came a few years ago when he, my brother and I went for a 40 mile/ four day backpack trip in Glacier. It was not the first time I beat my day up a mountain, but it was the first time I did it because of his age. He doesn't have the speed and agility he used to enjoy. I do find inspiration though that he still is doing what he loves. It just takes longer for him to get there and rest up for the next adventure.

I've noticed it takes me longer to warm up. I can't jump into action instantly like I used to. Last November I played basketball with my nieces and their friends. I never had much game, but my height and jump helped a bit. I still have it, but I felt each landing after jump in a way that reminded of the difference with slamming car doors. On a new Honda, slam the door and you hear a satisfying, solid "thud." Slam the door on my 39 year old truck and you hear the window rattle, the door mechanisms shake, and the sound lasting long beyond the "thud." That is how my body felt after each jump. It still worked, but I cold tell my body parts aren't as tightly constructed as they used to be.

I've noticed sexually that some things take longer to happen. Getting warmed up takes a few more minutes at 40 than when I was at my male sexual peak of 18. The good part with that is once started, it can last as long as desired, so there is one great perk of not being 20.

Cohen's line means different things to me at different times. There is the obvious physical meaning that statement implies. I also see where I am starting to ache for the ability to play like I used to. There is a part of me that sees a beautiful 21 year old woman and desires her so deeply, yet I know those days are beyond me now. It is one of the aches.

On the other hand, as I get older, I find women with experience so much more rewarding in all areas compared to the young ladies. The sex is warm, experienced, and deep. We both know what we want, like, need and how to share it with another "mature" partner. I also need and desire the deep talks that I can share with these ladies since we have some similar and different miles behind us.

I may have mentioned my friend Ray. At age 43, he had a 22 or 23 year old live-in girlfriend. She was (and probably still is) a great lady with a rich future ahead of her. They were together for a year. He was a smoke jumper at the end of his career. Smoke jumpers are the special forces of forest fire fighting. They parachute into forest fires to put them out. She just started a job as a border patrol agent. They loved each other. During the year though, she got her first credit card and maxed it out. She bounced a check. She had to get car insurance for herself. These are all things we have done. The problem was that she was living these for the first time in her life where Ray had lived those issues 20 years prior. He did not want to live through them again. She didn't want to live with someone's impatience as she learned young adult life lessons. They broke up as friends and went on their ways.

So getting a little older is not bad, but I guess I have to learn a lesson. When I was young buck, I could use my youthful energy, strength and agility to muscle my way through things. As I get older, I need to use my experience, wisdom, and knowledge to find more efficient ways to get things done. In the end, both are done and everyone is happy, just the route to get there was different. The important part is keeping the desire to do the same things I did back then and have fun doing them.


Photo note. From a recent shoot (February) with a new model to me, Symberlin. I enjoyed the shoot.

Cohen is such the stud at the end of this video.