"I'm Too Sexy"

Hands Moving
Photo and alterations by SB

Gatochy wrote an amazing blog about male sexuality and how it can be both oppressing and oppressed. Please read it before reading this.

I want to quote one special part:
The only reason I'm even mentioning this is because it backs up my theory that men (my lawyer just whispered into my ear I should say "some" men, but we don't do disclaimers at Gatochy's Blog. We also never preface anything with a "full disclosure". I don't owe anyone full disclosure about anything.) men have a genuine problem with regarding themselves as a sexy.

This is a very true statement. It is hard for most straight men ( I will not speak for gay men because I feel they don't have as much of this problem as straight or bisexual men) to view themselves as sexy. I think it is the fear that if I say to myself, "Damn, I have sexy arms.", I may subconsciously be saying that I find men's arms sexy... which means I am gay. I know that sounds silly, but most of the stuff that floats through everyone s' heads at the subconscious level is silly.

When I turned 36 I decided I needed to take better care of myself. I dropped 40 lbs, worked out, got some sun (but not too much since my scandanavian skin burns in three seconds) and got into decent shape. I did this because my marriage was almost dead, sex was gone, and I felt I needed to feel good about myself inside and out.

As I lost the weight and increased my fitness, I noticed subtle psychological changes. I stopped stooping (tall guys stoop a lot) and stood at my 6'4" height with pride. I noticed that when I saw myself in the mirror as I dried off that the sagging fat had turned into muscles with some definition. This made me feel proud. This gave me confidence that I can be sexy. One big observation of these changes came when an attractive woman gave me the full eye scan from head to toe as I left a local coffee shop and held the door for her. It was the first time in years that I realized... she checked me out. I felt sexy.

Now feeling sexy is more than having a nice body or a great smile. It is also the attitude about sex. I love sex. I love all things about it. I love how it brings the individual sexiness of two people together into a unique blend that could not exist without each other. Sex can be sweet, deep, touching. It can be rough and raw and filled with animal passions. Being sexy and sexual also allows me to enjoy the three gifts it offers.

First, it is sexy to give pleasure. It is also an ego boost when you make your lover melt sexually, but that boost is not too important to me. There is a deep sense of intimacy seeing my lover enjoy and release to passion and pleasure through my efforts. It is also sexy to share new things with a lover and to both teach and learn from them. The deep warmth of giving some one special all your focus on their pleasure and bringing them to a very deep release, then holding them and caring for them as they come down from it is a gift for both to enjoy.

Second, it is sexy to be open to receiving pleasures. When I first became sexually active, I struggled letting go of control and just sitting back and letting her focus on my pleasure. I finally learned my lesson when one time she awoke before me. She noticed my arousal and gently woke me up and took me to the beautiful end without me needing to engage at all. I just layed back, looked down to her and enjoyed the pure beauty of the moment.

Third, and maybe the best gift of being sexual, sexy and loving sex is when both of us are working together to make the moment more than just the two of us. We are focusing on each other's pleasures, our own pleasures, and the combined pleasure of the building arousal and release. I still flush when I think of a special time in Spain where all three or these gifts culminated together into a life-changing moment for me.

Being sexy for both men and women is more than physical appearance. It is also the belief that he or she is sexy. I am not talking about cockiness, just confidence. Everyone has something sexy about them. It could be his smile, her laugh, his kiss, her hands. It is ok to feel sexy about yourself. Sex involves trust. You not only have to trust the person you are with, but you have to trust that you have something to bring to event.

So, here is my statement. I can be sexy, sexual, and recognize these things in myself. I also recognize sexiness in other men. It doesn't necessarily reflect on my sexual preferences. I am not ashamed to look at the photo of the guy laying back in Gatochy's blog and say, "Damn, that is sexy." Sexy is sexy.


I can't believe this song is 17 years old. It still makes me chuckle.