Well PlayedPhoto by SB
I've died in many dreams from accidents, murder, and other nasty endings. Each one ends with the suddenness and finality of a song stopped mid beat. My light is turned off. Each is terrifying in its finality and instant switch from living to empty black void of nothing.
Last night I had a new dream. Not only did I die, but I was dead. In this dream I was in a room at a construction site with a group of people. My dog was there and suddenly I see a flash. A second later a narrator says, "You will notice no gore or pain. All fifteen of you were electrocuted and died instantly. " All of us in the room look at each other confused and then suddenly we see the images of us leading up to it and again, flash. We know we are all dead and having to see our last moments replay again and again. No gore, just seeing our last five seconds happen over and over. At one point we wonder if we can change the scenario by avoiding the situation that caused the electrocution. Nope, we are all dead and this is our eternity.
On my drive in today, I thought about this dream. It wasn't scary. I realized this was first time that I knew I was dead in a dream. I wondered if my Christian upbringing affected my interpretation of death and how this dream played. I thought about what death must be like. I do not know how to interpret this dream. This was the first time I internally learned the difference between died vs. dead. Died is the instant when life ceased. Dead is the result and lasts forever. That seems obvious, but I had never felt it in my core being. To die in a dream is scary, to know you are dead will make you think a bit.
After crossing the Bay Bridge, I switched mind gears and thought about moments in our lives when we have mini-deaths. These are moments when time has no meaning and we are out of existence. I came up with at least four instances this has happened and will write more on each over the next few days. Next will be human administered mini-death.
I am sure you have read posts or comments about my near death experience? When I drowned in Lake Michigan at age three and was rescued by my father? The drowning was horrible, awful, I still don't like my face in water. Drowning hurts like hell. But the dying was beautiful. I perceived it as God showing me movies of my life (my life passed before my eyes) and then going toward the light.
ReplyDeleteI did not want to come back to life. It is much more beautiful on the other side.
That's what I know of it.
Maybe the sudden darkness is your mind not knowing what happens after death so not being able to fill in the blank. And seeing the moment of your death repeated could be another stalling technique of your subconscious, unable to know what happens next.
I am absolutely sure death is not the end, and we do go toward the light. My father had a similar near death experience the winter before he actually died. He left his body and could look down and see himself sitting in a chair. Then he willed himself to go back in, but he told me if it happened again, he would not be able to get back.
Coming back to life from the process of passing over is very, very difficult.
I think you are afraid of the unknown, not of death.
Dr. L - Thank you for the thoughtful comment. I have come close to death a few times and will probably write about those near misses. None of them were as close to the edge as yours ( I think you went over the edge actually and came back). I imagine having the type of knowledge you gained from that changed your perceptions, beliefs, and actions on many things.
ReplyDeleteThe dreams where I die are terrifying for the moment after I awaken. Once I wake up, I calm down quickly and can go right back to sleep.
This dream of being dead was different though. It was the first one like that. Often when I have first-time dreams, they stick with me for a while and I need to think them through. Along with this "dead" dream, my first homo-erotic dream, flying dream(me flying sans airplane, like Superman), rape dream (once as being raped, once as the rapist), wet dream, and murder dream (where I killed someone) all still remain fresh in my memory. I try to analyze them every once in a while wondering if they have a different message now than back then.
Thanks again for your thoughtful comment.
Not my favorite subject but I do like what I call dark art. I have had numerous dreams where I was going to die, was in the process of dying, but I always wake up before I am nothing. I hope DL is correct in her belief that there is more. I am not so fortunate in my thinking. I really do think it's the end. It is nothing. So, in that light, be glad SB that you get to go over what happened, even if it's over and over, because that means you are really not dead and still might have an opportunity to enjoy again the things you love and desire. I have no desire to die, but I have done many self-induced things to get myself to what I think was the edge. I was so sick with the flu about ten years ago that I literally wanted, and even begged, to die. That was life-changing for me as I knew then that if I was ever sick enough or in that much pain there are quite agreeable options.
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