As I sit

River Cam - 122510

It is a low-key Christmas.  I'm sitting in a Berkeley coffee shop while my wife is at mass at her uber-liberal Catholic parish.  I'm neither jolly, nor ho-ho-ho, but I am not a Grinch either.  After 41 Christmases, this day has little meaning to me other than a time to wish others well. 

I am not asking for a Christmas miracle to thaw my frozen heart.  My Christian belief does not rely on celebrating the false birthday of the religion's namesake.  The fact that the church moved it to be near a pagan solstice makes the date meaningless.  (I am not disparaging winter solstice, it is my favorite day of the year.)

Next year is tenuous.  Over half of the department I work in will be laid off.  We have four courses we will be tracked to.  1.  Job is safe for another year.  2. Job is cut immediately.  3.  Job will last x months until duties/responsibilities can be transferred or outsourced.  4.  Job is relocated and I have to move or quit.  We find out by January 31st.

My health has been declining for the past half year.  Most of it is self-inflicted due to handling stress poorly and adding more stress by my own stupidity to my life.  My life is no where near endangered in the short term, but I am doing a great job of taking a decade off it on the tail end.

My art is a high point.  I am excited about it.  I like the darker turn it has taken.  I am not just thinking of the images I made with Courtney, Valya and Moon, but in general.  I am starting to appreciate those tough bits of life around us that make us all the same, yet unique in how we approach them.

So, what are my plans for all this?  I need to take better care of myself.  That is going to be one of my two top priorities for 2011.  I need to find time to eat better, workout, and be outside. 

My other top priority is my art.  It takes two paths.  First, I need to actively and consistently creating and pushing it forward.  Second, I need to plan and implement strategies to get to the next steps - an MFA and teaching. 

Regardless of my job situation, I can work on these two areas.  I'd prefer to get laid off in 2012 since my wife will have her PhD and I can follow her to whichever university/college she teaches at.  The severance would be good seed money for helping with getting an MFA.  If I get the axe this year, I will simplify and find temporary jobs to maintain until I can move to the next step.  I guess if I get axed earlier, I will  have lots of time to exercise. 

So, I guess you were probably expecting a prophetic or (more likely) sappy Christmas message.  Not this year.  My wish for you though is based on the four gifts of faith - hope, joy, love, and peace.  I don't care if you are of my faith, another one, or none at all.  I think we all could use these four gifts.