Wonder Wheel - Coney Island - New York - June 2010
Certain holidays make me nostalgic, especially ones that have childhood memories. Halloween is one of them. I have no desire to go back to my trick-or-treating days though I lament the number of times I've been around the annual cycle to visit it since my childhood.
Sometimes I celebrate every trip around the yearly ferris wheel. This is my 13th time around it in California. I quit trick-or-treating at age 12. I've been in this state longer than I enjoyed the candy years. Thinking about previous Halloween's and the times enjoyed on them, I start to wonder what has magic any more. Christmas lost it about 10 years ago, about the same time as New Years. I enjoy July 4th mostly because it is my brother's birthday, but that firework of a holiday is losing its shimmering brightness. Even my birthdays are feeling dull.
I am not depressed about these diminished dates. I think it may be due to having lived through 41 of them, they have lost their magic. This may be the only time I lament not having kids is that I may have felt the wonder of these days through and with them.
I am learning to celebrate other days. These days have no date attached to them. I celebrate the days I get a massage, get to photograph, get to help out the charity I support, get to make love, get to eat a great dinner with someone(s) special, and get to sleep in late without worries. Holidays have a faded memory of value. I reflect on them more than celebrate or feel excited about them. Maybe it is time to let go of those dates lacking a purpose instead to celebrate and enjoy those that come and go and are forgotten.
Actor James MacArthur died yesterday. He was best known for his role as Danny Williams on the original Hawaii 5-0. I have two strong memories related to Mr. MacArthur. The first is the divisiveness Hawaii 5-0 caused in my childhood home and the second is a family member's fracas with the late actor.
MacArthur's Danno never had the dark brooding sexiness of Jack Lord's Steve McGarret. His character was McGarret's right hand man. The original Danno (I will write about the newest iteration of the show another time) was quiet, reflective and tough as hell. He did not flash emotions and seemed almost creepy at times. While most women were infatuated with McGarret, my mom had the hots for Danno (along with Robert F. Kennedy and Leonard Bernstein, both of whom she met.)
My mom, brother and I watched the show religiously every week. Being a psychiatric nurse, she would use her analytic mind and try to get into the science and logic of the show. We would discuss motives, characters, and what was realistic and what was fake. I enjoyed those evenings and still get excited when I hear the timpani drum roll that kicks off (arguably) the best tv theme song ever. Even though this show was shared time with mom, it caused a lot of tension in our home.
Intro to Hawaii 5-0
It was not my mom's crush on Danno that bothered my dad. He had his crushes as well and both knew that was normal. My dad refuses to watch dramatic television, especially shows with violence. He always has been that way. He grew up a Quaker in eastern Pennsylvania and has a strong pacifist nature in him. He hates seeing murder being used as entertainment. At the time, Hawaii 5-0 showed more murders than any other television show. It greatly bothered him that mom would encourage us to watch the show. He believed these shows lead to more violence by teaching violence.
Neither my brother, nor I, have become murderers... yet. We watched Steve, Danno, Chin Ho, and Kono kill off lots of baddies. I think it was by discussing the show we were able to analyze the darkness and morality of the issues as well as acknowledge that it was fiction. I don't know if my dad understands or appreciates the enlightened way we watched the show. My mom taught us more about the dark side of human nature while keeping us safe than any other authoritative figure in our lives. I thank my dad though for trying to keep us safe and our minds clear of this dangerous knowledge. He was trying to raise us to be conscientious men.
Even though my mom, brother and I spent many hours with Steve and Danno, it is my dad, and his brother Carl, that makes us connected to the late Mr. MacArthur. It all happened in the 1950's in a bar in western New Jersey.
My dad was home on break from college. He and my uncle Carl, just graduated from high school, snuck out and went to a bar to meet a few friends. The rest of the story varies a bit, depending if it is my dad or my uncle telling it and I will share only the common bits.
While drinking with the group, they noticed another group hanging out in the bar. That group included James MacArthur. According to both sources, certain members in both groups were trying to stir up some drama by telling Carl that MacArthur was insulting his (mom, girlfriend or car - depending who is telling the story). MacArthur's friends were doing the same with him.
At one point, the two met up and all the friends formed a circle. My dad had his brother's back if needed, but knew Carl could handle it on his own. MacArthur and my uncle got in close and started talking in heated terms. At one point, when tensions were getting really high and the first swing was imenant, one asked the other something like, "Is it true you said...?" The other responded, "No, I didn't say that." They both started asking more clarifying questions and soon discovered they had been set up to fight. After the discovery, they both went to the bar and got drunk together.
So, I want to raise a glass and salute James MacArthur for being a rich part of my family's life in two very different ways. I am glad my uncle didn't kick your ass. I am thankful you went onto a successful acting career. Your blue eyes will be missed, especially by mom.
Below are three parts to the episode string when officer Chin was killed. You even get to see Steve cry.
On this date in 1553> Michael Servetus, who discovered the pulmonary circulation of blood, is burned for heresy in Switzerland. History Channel "This Day in History" update.
It is scary how people are still so afraid of science and what we are learning from it. I am not proclaiming against any one faith. I wish though we could be a bit more open minded. I guess that is what separates the "elitists" from the others, openness to being wrong and learning more.
I guess for many ignorance is bliss and dogma is absolute.
I am working on a post inspired by a great essay written by photographer Robert Adams about how difficult photographers find it to write about their own art. It is a very enlightening essay.
With that said, why devalue the image above with words? They just get in the way.
Back in May I posted my first video, Piernas Bonitas. My best results came from putting on a private Youtube account and keeping as private since it has nudity (which is a bit youtube no-no). I never had a complaint.
I recently discovered vimeo.com. They have many fine short movies with artistic nudity. Set up was easy and I could set creative commons options. Below is the same movie, but now available at Vimeo. I am going to remove my youtube version tonight.
Rick has an incredible eye for detail. He notices everything. After seeing his work, I can see why. Every molecule in the photo has to have a purpose for being there. The amount of pre and post production work needed to create one good food image is huge. The use of color, texture, design, composition, and flavor must blend into an outstanding image.
For this assignment I had to photograph a raw tomato or a group of them. After that I had to photograph a prepared dish with tomatoes. I learned a few things from this. It is hard to make food look good. It is hard to find a perfect background and set of dishes. Rick has thousands of plates and utensils in every color, shape, size and pattern in a warehouse of props. It is really amazing. I had only a few plates and napkins to work with. The plate for the image below is from my picnic basket.
Prepped - 102210
I learned that food stars have stand ins. I used some of the lower quality ingredients to make a mock up and test lighting, composition, presentation and concept. After getting that set up, I brought in the star or hero food and was ready to get that done in as few shots as possible. It is important to get them done fast so the food looks fresh.
Piernas bonitas
I noticed lots of flaws in both sets of photos. I photographed the whole tomatoes on the aqua hood of my truck (the same hood that Andrea graced). I thought I had cleaned the hood, but every bit of lint and dust is highly visible. For the prepared food photos, I had issues of wrinkled napkins, bread crumbs, fingerprints in the cheese balls, and other challenges.
I loved doing this assignment, but learned a lesson. I am not a food photographer. I do not have the attention to detail to make this work become art. Rick will have no competition from me. I enjoyed the creativity of using strobes, reflectors and props to get everything just right. I want to explore using similar techniques, but having male and female models as the subject.
I enjoyed sharing a moment that Brett Weston also experienced. After Edward Weston photographed the famous pepper from Pepper Number 30, Brett ate it. I enjoyed eating my subject as well.
Do not speak unless you can improve the silence - Proverb
I wonder if the same can be said for art and photography. Do not create unless you can improve on the absence of the art.
The same should go for writing, blogging and all other activities as well. If what I am doing is not improving on the absence of it, then I shouldn't do it. It is better to not plant something in the pixel forest than to have to thin it out later.
Ok, enough rambling.
Photo note - I think the photo above is an improvement over the absence of it. Thanks Moon.
Last year I worked with model Candace Nirvana on part of my Word project. I projected various words on her using an lcd projector and she used her body, expression, and creativity to give life to them, This summer I did the same thing with Moon. Today's word is grace.
In Christianity - a theological term which is present in many and varied spiritual traditions. It is God's gift of salvation granted to sinners for their salvation. However, there are significant differences between the way people of different traditions use the word.
Grace 2 - Moon
In Hinduism - grace (kripa) is the ultimate key required for spiritual self-realization. Some, such as the ancient sage Vasistha, in his classical work Yoga Vasistha, considered it to be the only way to transcend the bondage of lifetimes of karma. One Hindu philosopher, Madhvacharya, held that grace was not a gift from God, but rather must be earned.
From a nontheist, naturalist, and rationalist perspective, the concept of divine grace appears to be the same nonexistent concept as luck.
Most of the writing I found don't put sex and grace together, unless they are at odds with each other. As C.S. Lewis wrote.:
The sins of the flesh are bad, but they are the least bad of all sins. All the worst pleasures are purely spiritual: the pleasure of putting other people in the wrong, of bossing and patronizing and spoiling sport, and back-biting, the pleasures of power, of hatred. For there are two things inside me, competing with the human self which I must try to become. They are the Animal self, and the Diabolical self. The Diabolical self is the worse of the two. That is why a cold, self-righteous prig who goes regularly to church may be far nearer to hell than a prostitute. But, of course, it is better to be neither.
Grace 3 - Moon
So, what is sexual grace? I think it would include the intent and aesthetic nature of sex. It would involve parts of the secular definitions blended with a bit of the spiritual. I think sex can cleanse, baptize, and can be redemptive and healing. It can also "be the only way to transcend the bondage of lifetimes of karma."
The definition for Sexual grace should also include "eleganceorbeautyofform,manner,motion,oraction, apleasingorattractivequalityor endowment, and favororgoodwill."
As with all new terms, it will take time for culture and norms to refine meaning. For now though, I hope everyone receives, shares, extends and attains sexual grace. (can I get an "amen")
Photos note: Thanks Moon. You will see more of her and our words in the future.
Silence is the safest course for any man to adopt who distrusts himself - François de la Rochefoucauld
Work is killing me right now. In lieu of my little ramblings, I offer up a plentiful helping of some interesting reads from other sources.
Finding your inner bigot. Even though we vehemently deny them, we all have deeply seeded prejudices that may come out in very subtle ways. Very interesting article about these buried traits. I know I have a few to work through.
I watched The Men Who Stare at Goatslast night. It is a light comedy with some interesting views on soldiers, war, blind faith in causes, and super powers. Kevin Stacey, George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, and Jeff Bridges play their parts well. This is not a paradigm changing war movie. It is just a funny movie that left me with some interesting questions. Men Who Stare... is worth a view if it comes on cable and Netflix (currently available through instant queue).
Welcome to a new week.
PHOTO NOTE: Valya exudes a powerful, quiet erotic allure. I really need to get back to New York to work with her again.
Lines to Her Heart (Photographed on a cold day in late November)
We are having a very warm October in northern California. It is supposed to be 91 in SF today, which is a novelty to me (I've lived here for 13 years). I am hoping to go up to the Napa/Sonoma wine country this weekend to see the grape vines changing colors.
As for winter, maybe it is my dark side, but it is my second favorite season. I love the short days, long nights, angular sun, rain/snow, bare trees, cool days and cold nights. I love skiing (both types) and breathing in the cold air into my lungs. I love walking in the snow (something I miss since moving from Montana) and hearing the crunch of it under my feet. There is nothing more peaceful than walking during a quiet snow fall.
I find winter very erotic and sensual. The red of the wines, the glow of the fire, the warm food, and the need to be beside someone. The long nights give us time to explore each other without feeling guilty of missing daylight playing and chores. All of these put me much more in the mood than spring flowers and bright days.
Maybe another reason I love fall is that it is the foreplay for my winter. Who doesn't love a whole season of foreplay?
I lost my virginity in winter, fell in love for the first time in winter, and also lost a friend in winter (see link below.) Winter is not subtle in its attributes or what we humans do during it, at least not for me.
Below are some links to other posts I wrote about winter. At the bottom is a zen video showing both the beauty and solitude of winter, and one young man's life during it.
I photographed a new model last week. Elyse is a daughter of a friend and offered to help on my color assignment for my class. We had to create three photographs with a person, object, and place while keeping an eye on three different types of color palettes (9 total photos). The color palettes were monochromatic (different shades of the same color), analogous (neighbors on the color wheel), and complimentary (opposites on the color wheel).
She was fun to work with. We experimented with what emotions and feelings color elicits from us. I then projected the colors on her. Feeling and sharing an emotion can be a challenge, especially for new aquaintences. Elyse opened up and shared.
We then had a challenge when we had two or three colors and tried blending emotions. To prepare this, I photographed her in one color, then the other, so she could get into the individual moods. At the end, I put both colors on her and had her blend the feelings. My favorite blend was purple (arrogance) and green (envy). It is fun to play with color and emotions. Good painters and photographers know how important color is. So do advertisers. Each color has a purpose for being there, whether it is accuracy in depiction of the scene or to elicit emotions, the creator put it there for a reason.
I've been de-saturating photos lately so only a kiss of the color is there or the photo goes to pure black and white. One exception is my work with Valya and Moon where I projected a red spray painted wall photo on them and then had them get into their own mind space for each photo. The visual punch of red streaking around their naked bodies is a harsh violence that makes their expressive poses that much harder to look at.
Working with rich saturated colors was a treat. I am not sure if this will become a part of my style, but I am slowly mastering a new tool. Thank you Elyse. I hope we work together again. You were fantastic!
My friend and model, Valya, told me of a model/photographer horror story during our shoot. She had recently worked with a guy who stole money from her, refused to pay her, and also touched her inappropriately at the end of the shoot. She reported him to Model Mayhem, the FBI, and other agencies.
Every model I've worked with has been a gift, and Valya stands with the best of them. She is a true professional who brought her "A+" game to our session. She is also a genuinely nice person. It angers me that someone did this to her and many other models as well.
Our community of photographers and models is special and we look out for each other. PLEASE CONTACT THE FBI IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION ABOUT THIS GUY.
Below is the text I copied from Valya's blog.
Please be aware of this man who victimizes females who model nude:
his emails:
peekture.taker@gmail.com
fotovisionz@gmail.com
fokusfoto@gmail.com
cgarbiano@verizon.net
female.photographer@gmail.com
(last two emails he is pretending to be a female photographer named Jami or Carol, and/or it's a female accomplice)
his cell #'s:
804-435-5090
804-247-2801
some previous aliases:
Jim Hines
Jay Hanes
John
Carol Garbiano
Jami
Fokus Foto
FokusFoto
PeektureTaker (his recent myspace handle, prior to which it was fokusfoto)
Please pass this on and and feel free to contact me if you would like more information.
Stay safe,
Valya
Thanks to all. Treat each other well and be careful.
I overheard that during a critique. It was not directed at me, but it could have been. As I swim deeper into the art world I am noticing a few common character traits among artists. The first trait is a sense of self aggrandizing of the artist's work and the second is a jealousy of other artist's success.
As I grew up, my parents showered compliments on anything I created. They wanted to encourage my creativity. Every picture I drew was beautiful and every concert I played in was amazing.
The first time I received criticism on my music or art came in ninth grade. I took both art and band. Both teachers were trained in their field and were very accomplished in their talents. Both teachers wanted to encourage us and gave us time to develop, but also made sure to let us know where we could do better. It was tough hearing the truth, "Karl, sounds like you didn't practice or put much effort into it. Is that true?" Tough feedback pissed me off, especially when it was true.
When you take art in college, you had better get used to the critique. Most students, but not all, are easy on each other. The professors are much tougher. Most of the time I admitted the faults of the work and learned how I could do better. Once in a while though I got defensive and stood up for my art. "I did it right. You are seeing it wrong." That is a common mantra in my mind during critique. I bet it is the same one for many artists.
As we develop, we grow our own artistic styles. We choose our tools, tonal palette, media, materials, subject matter, angles, and aesthetic that speaks to and from our artistic soul. As a tuba player, I live for playing Bach. I come alive as I play the contrapuntal bass line that completes the harmonies and gives it a foundation for the whole piece and ensemble. I don't really care for marches since the tubas only exist to keep the rhythm (Except for some of Sousa's marches. Listen to the tuba line in Stars and Stripes Forever (check out the video at 1:29). You can also see the great tradition of when the brass (trumpets, trombones, baritones, and tuba) stand up for the last chorus. I don't know where the tradition started, but it makes the march come alive at the end.)
I know most artists do not find an appreciative audience who truly understand their work. They continually have to put up with "that's nice" from family and either silence, obscurity or criticism from the public. With out that support, the artist has only two choices - fight for their art or drop it. To remain an artist, he/she must fight for it, believe the art is important, be open to suggestions, but in the end know it is his/her art.
This self defensive wall is a big challenge in critiques. It is important to listen to the criticism and decide how to improve the art. At what point do you say to the the critic, "You just don't get it." ? When do you defend your art?
This need to believe in the importance of your art pushes most artists into the second issue, creative jealousy. I've seen this jealousy in myself and others manifest in different ways.
The first is a jealousy of another artist's work. Your colleague created something so amazing that you kick yourself for not having done it first. Maybe he or she was working on something similar to your work but took it to another level or direction and created masterpieces. I always ask myself, "Why didn't I think of that?" I feel deflated when I see that and wonder whether I should even try doing my work anymore because it has been done better by another. I also feel anger since as I begin to feel they took my idea and went further with it. At some point though I have to realize that unless they actually stole my idea, it is done and I have to learn and move on.
The second type of jealousy comes from seeing others get opportunities and recognition for their work that you feel is no better than your own. A month or so ago I found out a friend had orchestrated a major multi-artist exhibit and print edition. She knew I had worked in the same theme with the same exact materials. For some reason (and to be honest, I haven't asked) I was not considered for the collaboration. I've seen a few pieces from the collection and know my work is as good or better. She even notified me about it after it was done (that felt like a deep cut) so I could contact the people involved since I knew a few of them (and that was salt for the cut).
I felt a deep jealousy and anger toward all involved. I've supported their art and felt betrayed. After reflecting on it I came to a sadder conclusion. I wasn't betrayed or purposefully excluded. I was either forgotten or didn't even pop into the group's consciousness as a consideration. It wasn't that I was cast to the side - I wasn't even considered. It may have been my lack of a name in the community or not having enough ties, but in the end I wasn't even noticed.
My friend James is a writer. He has had a number of essays and short stories published, but his first novel (a truly great read that needs to get published) keeps getting rejected. James is a bit more zen than I am. He believes it will get published by the right publisher at the right time. He has a collection of the rejection letters and plans to burn them when his book gets published.
This type of jealousy burns deep and I have to figure out how to deal with it in healthier way like James does. He believes in his novel and knows it will get out there when the right opportunity opens up and he seizes it.
Autumnal and Avuncular - I love those two words. They describe so many things.
It was one of those perfect English autumnal days which occur more frequently in memory than in life. ~P.D. James
Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns. ~George Eliot
Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting and autumn a mosaic of them all. ~Stanley Horowitz
Autumn is my favorite season. My favorite colors live warmly inside the fall color palette. The lengthening nights and angular sun light makes every thing more brilliant and beautiful. I enjoy getting out my jackets and feeling the cool, crisp air. Many feel spring is the birth and growth season. I feel that in the fall. I feel most alive in these magic months. One of my best trips abroad came during autumn.
I am the avuncular presence in many lives. I am not the father, the brother, or the friend. I am the slightly off center authority figure that is more of a source of wisdom than a source of discipline. While I like to think I can be an authority figure, I am happy being the counsel on the side. My only requirement is that if you seek out my counsel, you listen. You don't have to take it, but just listen to me.
Tonight I am going to find a coffee shop in San Francisco's Castro district while I wait to pick somebody up from the airport. I look forward to sitting back and looking at SF and its beautiful people in their Autumnal clothing and moods.
I've been blathering a bit too much and producing too little. One of my former bosses, Nancy, gave me some great advice on public speaking.
Be brilliant.
Be brief.
Be gone.
Follow those three simple rules in public speaking and the audience will love you. In honor of Nancy, here are a few pics. I am not sure this post hits the first goal, but the last two can be checked off.
I can't remember when I first heard the term air brush as part of photography. It may have been in reference to a movie poster or Playboy photo layout. The term had both positive and negative aspects, but either way it means it is moving toward a lie or a fiction.
Airbrushing has long been used to alter photographs in the pre-digital era. In skilled hands it can be used to help hide signs that an image has been extensively retouched or "doctored".
As a result of Stalin's purges, and later destalinization, many photographs of officials from the periods show extensive airbrushing, often entire people have been removed. The term "airbrushed out" has come to mean rewriting history to pretend that something was never there. In contemporary academic discourse, the process of removing components from an image is formally known as object removal.
The term "airbrushed" or "airbrushed photo" has also been used to describe glamour photos in which a model's imperfections have been removed, or in which their attributes have been enhanced. The term has often been applied in a pejorative manner to describe images of unrealistic female perfection and has been particularly common in reference to pictures in Playboy, and later Maxim. [Emphasis mine]
That last paragraph summarizes the yin\yang of this technique. Are we enhancing a photo or creating a lie, or both? It depends on the intent.
The term airbrushed has faded in recent years in favor of the terms photoshop or photoshopped.
The term originates from Adobe Photoshop, the image editor most commonly used by professionals for this purpose.
... photoshop is widely used as a verb, both colloquially and academically, to refer to retouching, compositing (or splicing), and color balancing carried out in the course of graphic design, commercial publishing, and image editing. - Wikipedia
As with airbrushing, photoshopping has both positive and negative connotations. I always hear references to it in class. "Oh, you can photoshop that out." "Did you photoshop that cloud?" "Her skin is so smooth. How much photoshopping did that take?"
I never learned the craft of air brushing. I am a novice in Photoshop. I am pretty proficient in Adobe Lightroom, which enables me to smooth skin, enhance clarity, and clone out imperfections. As I learned this application I had to set my personal aesthetic for the tool. Here are my rules.
I shall not remove or add objects. (Telephone poles, people, tattoos, furniture, etc.)
I will lightly touch up physical appearances. (Remove pimples, rashes and other temporary blemishes. Lighten eyes. If smoothing skin, very little correction, if at all)
I will play with saturation, color, contrast, etc as much as I want, but it will not be in a effort to cosmetically improve the subject. It is more for mood and message.
I have the right to break these rules, if, and only if, my intent is to create a fiction and note it in the artist statement for the piece or series. The further from the truth, the greater the need to acknowledge the alteration.
One models refused to work with me because I do not smooth skin. I do not hide age. I do not accentuate these things either, but if they are present, they will be in my photo. If a model can not accept their own "imperfections" then they should cover them with clothing, wear make up, or move on to another photographer. The only times I will do heavy skin modification is in relationship to rule number 4 OR if the model or a client is paying me to take these photos and need a certain look. In that case, they get the look they want.
Why am I a stickler on keeping it natural? I want the world to see the natural beauty of humans, buildings, nature, etc.. If we can't acknowledge our wrinkles, acne scars (I've got them), TB shot scars, and other "imperfections" then we have little right to criticize the mass advertising world for doing the same in fashion/glamor photos. We are all vane and want to look our best. If you want to look your best, either hire me and direct me or move on to a photographer who will give you the photoshop botox you feel you need. If I am creating the image for me and my art, you need to be comfortable in your own skin. You already live in it.
As for this blog, I am working on the fall (for me) of a photographic god, building a new art community, and my continued studies in photography. They should be spilling out pretty soon.
It's weird that photographers spend years or even a whole lifetime, trying to capture moments that added together, don't even amount to a couple of hours. ~James Lalropui Keivom
Doesn't that pretty much sum up life as well? When I am on my deathbed, I won't remember the decades of detritus, I will remember the those bits of life that made it mean something. Why should photography be any different?
When you photograph people in colour you photograph their clothes. But when you photograph people in B&W, you photograph their souls! ~Ted Grant
I disagree. I could say that when you photograph a person in B&W, you photograph their shape, texture and contours. When you photograph someone in color, you photograph the life they put into their shape texture and contours. Someone I know thinks black and white nudes can be art, but color ones can't. I think these people have their preferences and can live with them. Their preferences shouldn't be the only preferences for all.
